(Closed) Parents going guarantor on home loan 10 months before wedding

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 30
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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ash101 :  super entitled. If you can’t afford it, don’t do it. It’s not someone elses job to help you get a house.

Post # 31
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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fran01 :  just curious about how people do get large enough deposits of 100,000 etc. surely even if you saved by the time you paid rent, bills etc it would take forever to save that much money and then prices would keep rising so you would keep needing more? I am just thinking of my children in the future and how they will save up so much. 😐 

we are aussie but only got a property as my husbands mother passed away when he was younger and he was left a portion of money which became our house deposit but otherwise all my friends have received family support in some way either by guarantor or money. 

Post # 33
1415 posts
Bumble bee

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bubbycakes :  we both worked hard through Uni and squirrelled away savings for approx ten years (saving/working since 18, bought home at 27). We didnt buy our dream home but it’s a great start close to the CBD. It is daunting and seems impossible but it is definitely not.  Teach your kids to work hard, save and budget, live within their means, that’s the best you could possibly do for them 🙂 

ps edited to add that I live in Perth, so house prices have been stagnant for a long time now and rent has been very very cheap, and it’s actually possible to live cheaply here, so that has helped in terms of saving. You’re right it may take a lot longer if you’re over east where COL is so high in the capital cities.

Post # 34
1242 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think it’s that unusual for parents to help with their kid’s first home, and it’s really nothing to frown upon.  I guess I don’t understand why you’re lumping it in with the wedding though.  It seems overly complicated.  

Take the help with the home purchase and get the wedding done with whatever money you have now without speculating what his parents might give towards it.  So the 8k from your parents + your own money <- plan that wedding.  



Post # 36
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

So when you sit down to talk about the numbers why can’t your fiance confirm that they are still contributing the wedding then?  My dad contributed to my down payment for our house and is still contributing to the wedding as well.  11 months later.

Post # 37
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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mrstodd2bee :  this. OP, it is most certainly unreasonable for you both to expect his parents to fund a portion of your wedding AND give you the deposit for your $430 “well under your budget” House. Perhaps you either need to put off home buying until you’ve both got enough $$$ for the down payment, OR reduce the cost of your wedding.


I think part of being a married adult is being able to pay your own way, and not expect help. Of course financial gifts are a huge blessing, but when you come to expect them, it certainly does make you seem entitled. And mentioning your siblings’ borrowing habits doesn’t do much to make you look less entitled—it actually comes across as rather childish.

Post # 38
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

My husband and I purchased a house when he was 25 and I was 22. It can definitely be done.m, you just have to have your prioritiea strait and focus on saving. Luckily we lived at home before then so our cost of living was down and allowed us to save more. You just have to have your responsibilitites right. 

I couldn’t imagine asking my mom or his parents for help with a down payment. That is a lot of money regardless of their financial position and I wouldn’t want fiances to mix with family. If you can’t afford it yourselves then you shouldn’t do it. 

His parents did give us money for our wedding but we budgeted solely with the money and budget we had for our wedding, not on their contributions. 

I am really surprised that your fiance, who works in a bank, is  pushing for that. Too many risks. No thanks .

Post # 41
5052 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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ash101 :  

They are taking equity out of one of their properties, that equates to a loan for them. They are using that property to secure that 7%

Post # 42
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I do think the worrying is a little unreasonable and unnecessary. I’d honestly advise that your fiance has a conversation with his parents about where they’re at with the wedding. He doesn’t have to ask for money, just a simple conversation.

I also advise planning the wedding with the money that you do have – your money and your parents 8K. If your partner’s parents chip in, great, you then have more money to throw into your savings or add extra to the wedding.

The amount you’ve got towards the wedding is already substantial. You shouldn’t have an issue. We’re also in Australia planning one for under 5K. So just reassure him that what you’ve already got is a huge budget.

Post # 43
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am from America and don’t quite understand the Aussie housing market, but based on the responses here I understand enough.

OP, regardless of whether your parents are required to put down “real money” or just collateral, you are asking them to co-sign the loan because you cannot fund it all yourselves. It may be different in Australia and your husband ‘sees it every day’, but in my opinion, if you need a co-signer or guarantor or whatever you call it, you cannot afford the home. Period. The bank does this so that you don’t default, because you do not have the money therefore you are a risk to them! You are passing this risk to your parents. Signing their home as collateral is NOT nothing to them, clearly or they would not be second guessing the decision. 

In America, if we put down less than 20% we pay Private Mortgage Insurance every month which is what I did for my first home, an extra $100 a month. While I get it is a similar thing, I would NEVER have asked my parents or anyone other than the lender for this risk insurance (I am not even sure this scenario is even possible in the US). Buy the home you can afford, end of story. 

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