Post # 46
Personally stay out of it. Don’t talk about your family to your husband and vise versa. You don’t have to choose between them. You just have make plans in advance . my husbands hates my family and vise versa. They have had no contact for over a year now. I just makes plans with my family and spend the day there.
It was hard at first for me to because I had a pre idea that just because they are family they should all get on and it should be sunshine and rainbows.
However they are different personalities and perceive events differently.
Once I cane to realize that, workd on being happy with husband and being happy with family on the days j see them.
Congrats on baby
PM me if you wanna chat more
Best wishes x
Post # 47
Why DWIL? There are very few helpful post on Chinese in-laws.
OP: https://singaporemotherhood.com/forum or some of the Chinese forums would be way more helpful if you’re looking to get more advice.
Post # 48
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
I was actually recommending DWIL for another poster, not the OP! I agree that the cultural differences may make DWIL less than ideal for the OP.
Post # 49
your situation sounds exactly like mine. I truly do (both now and at the time) appreciate what DH was going through. I hope your experience is much better than mine 🙁
Post # 50
I can see why that would cause a lot of tension. If my ILs stayed with us for longer than a day I’d go insane — for months?! Nope, nope, nope. Especially with a new baby. It sounds like your husband was actually really patient and accommodating with their stay. Your mother is manipulative and you need to nip that in the bud.
I will say, however (just thought of this as I was typing): When I had brain surgery 1.5 years ago I was living in a 710 sq. ft. 1 bedroom condo. My ex was in the high season of his work and couldn’t take off full days, and my dad was retired and my mom could take FMLA. My parents lived at the condo with my ex while I was in the hospital, and the four of us lived together when I came home from the hospital. I needed a lot of care and it took the three of them to do it. I, to this day, don’t know how we didn’t kill one another, and still really and truly appreciate that my ex was so kind and accommodating and GRATEFUL to them for their help. He may have turned out to be a big jerk in another way, but he was great during that period, as were my parents.
I hope that you’re able to let go of your mom’s comments and not have them color your view of your H…it sounds like he did nothing to deserve that. I also hope that you can be firm with your mother and let her know you won’t play into her games.
Post # 51
I know there are cultural aspects involved here, but I am totally on your husband’s side in this. I would damn near slit my wrists if I had my inlaws; or anybody else for that matter; staying in my home for two months! I hate having people over for even two hours and will start to feel irritable, antsy, and like my space has been invaded, and having extended guests seems like one of my ideas of personal hell.
And as far as whether or not you should actually abandon your husband to appease and placate your drama queen mother, HELL NO! You have a good marriage, a new baby, and if your mother can’t accept that your husband and child are now your priority then SHE is the one who should be cut out. I have no sympathy for interfering, shit-stirring inlaws or family members.
Post # 52
I know most people recommend I just put my foot down and hang up if they say something mean about DH. But you don’t understand. My mom will cry and throw her health problems at me and essentially blame DH for her health. She’ll accuse me of trying to kill her if I do that.
I do actually. My mom didn’t want to marry DH b/c she didn’t think he was the one. When I decided I was going to marry him anyway – I was prepared for all her dramatics. She has said and done everything your mother has done, but the moment I told her what was what – she stopped. Not saying your mother will, but I’ve been there. I’ve been in counseling and on medication for her emotional abuse.
Post # 53
Call her bluff. Tell her it’s fine if she doesn’t want anything to do with the baby and since it’s your husbands baby as well and she hates him it’s probably for the best 💁🏻
ETA: and follow through!!! Because your child IS his baby as well he has more right than your parents. Don’t forget that.
Post # 54
may I be blunt?
You need to set your parents straight. You need to set boundaries immediately and first thing is not bad mouthing your husband! He and your baby are your number one priorities, and your parents aren’t being good parents if they can’t respect that.