Post # 1
My parents have always talked about paying for most of my wedding, not that I ever really asked them to. Now that we actually have a date and have begun to plan I am concerned about how to ask them how much and when they plan to contribute. We aren’t getting married until June 2014, but I still have to being planning and booking the date with vendors. I am meeting with a photographer next weekend and in order to book the date I will need to pay the deposit, which is half of the expense.
I am trying to figure out what sort of budget we’re working with, but that’s kind of hard to do until I figure out how much is coming from where. Right now all I know is that we are putting $1500 away from our tax return and going to add to the fund each month.
Any suggestions? I don’t want to seem pushy with them, but I really need to know ASAP what I have as a budget.
Post # 3
Just sit down with your parents and tell them you are super excited to plan the wedding and want their input and help. I think that would be very respectful, especially if you’re considering having them pay the majority of the wedding. Then you can say that you want to speak with them about a budget that is resonable so that everyone is comfortable throghout the planning process. Let your parents set their budget and then if you want something above that you and your fiance will contribute it. If you parents are paying I would suggest keeping them involved.
Post # 4
@danielle-barnett: I’d probably suggest going out for dinner, or inviting them over and cooking a meal for them. Then while you guys are eating, I’d word it something like this…
“So mom, dad, _____ and I have started our wedding planning.”
“Yeah, we/I are going to be meeting with a photographer next weekend. Hopefully he is available for the date we’ve set, and I think we’ll have to put down a deposit right away to reserve the date.”
“Speaking of money, I know you and dad always offered to contribute to my wedding. Now that it is coming around and I need to make a budget, I was wondering how much you guys thought you could put towards it. If it is not a lot, that’s okay! I understand, I just sort of needed to know a rough budget or else making any decisions about vendors and costs will be really hard.”
Post # 5
Normally I’m against flat-out asking parents for money, but since they already said they would help out, it would be good to sit down and have that conversation. Tell them that you remember them saying something about helping contribute to the wedding when the time comes, what, if anything, they would like to contribute, and try to determine if that money comes with any strings (i.e. having the ceremony at the family church, inviting creepy uncle Leroy, etc.). Tell them you only need to know so you can begin the budgeting, and then the planning process.
Post # 6
My guess is that your parents aren’t aware of the fact that you need to start to book things this early. So, as awkward as it is to talk about money, I do think you need to bring up the topic. I would suggest that you sit down and talk about your wedding vision, ask for their input and that will open up the field to work out the money issue.
Post # 7
After we got engaged, my mom mentioned in passing that she and my dad would pay for the reception but didn’t mention any budget or mention it again. I avoided the awkward converstaion all together by just planning the wedding as if I were paying for it. (Awkward for me cause money is just not something we really discuss or that I like to ask them for even if they offered.) Then when the final payment date came my mom asked me how much and said that she’d have my dad go get a bank check. So in the end, it was just a huge bonus to have all that cash left over.
Post # 8
When i announced my engagement, my parents said and we will help pay of course!
so I asked my parents out for the day to see venues, it was a great day out! I asked them before we left if they knew how much they would like to contribute, as fiancé & I are picking up the rest & need to save up. after looking at venues of ranging prices, mum & dad talked about it & decided on an amount for the reception. They got to see how much weddings cost, and decide for themselves what is appropriate, I also made it clear I had enough money saved and could save enough more to have whatever I want, so it’s entirely up to them. 🙂 they were so happy to be a part of venue looking, and enjoy some good coffee..
Post # 9
My parents had always implied that they would help pay for my wedding when the day came. When the proposal came, I started planning what DH and I could afford (we had been saving for a little while already). When his parents offered to pay for certain things and give us some money, we added that to the budget.
I felt awkward asking for a budget, but my mom would step up and pay for things occasionally – for instance, she went dress shopping with me and paid for the dress, she went to meet with the venue owner (I was planning from a distance) and paid that bill. Finally, I asked her if she could tell me what their budget was. She gave me an limit and I made sure to keep my parents’ contributions under that.
I guess my point is, it’s much easier to have a budget up front – awkward as it is (which I get), broach the topic soon. While the surprise payments were nice, it made planning more difficult.
Post # 10
I don’t think you do ask. I think you wait for them to tell you. If they plan to help pay, they’ll bring it up.
Post # 11
my parents always said that they’d contribute as well but I’m an extreme planner and needed to know exacts.
I asked them how much they’d like to contribute to the wedding, if anything and they told me. I got my FI to do the same with his parents.
We have paid for everything ourselves ATM, it works out that the parents contributions will pay for most of the balance on the venue and that payment (believe it or not) is not due until the Wednesday after the wedding…
Post # 12
@danielle-barnett: just to go off topic for a sec, I’m a bit concerned that your screen name and address links to your facebook and twitter And etsy. Is that yours? Are you aware and ok with that? its just anything you write here is so visible now.. excuse me if it is cool with you and I’m being paranoid!
Good luck with your wedding! 😀
Post # 13
I would actually advise against making it a big, sit down conversation. Your parents will probably want to discuss it together before giving you a number, so you should allow them time to do that. I would contact them and ask if they’re wanting to contribute to the wedding. Then say you can talk about it if/when they want to and let them decide when they’re ready to have a sit down conversation.
Post # 14
@RedJezabel: That’s odd, it shouldn’t be. I haven’t linked this with my facebook, don’t use twitter and don’t have an etsy shop…I’ll investigate. Thanks.
Post # 15
My parents aren’t married, haven’t been in over 20 years, so they’ll be discussing with their spouses what they could contribute, but like others I’m an extreme planner. I have 16 months until the wedding but to make sure I get the places and vendors that I want I need to know soon how much I’m working with. I will probably buy my own dress, it’s only $300, but I’m meeting with a photographer this weekend and at least have to have an idea of how much I’m working with. >.< Right now all I know is that over the next year we should be able to save approx $2500, and then are planning to take tha majority of our tax return next year and put that towards the budget.
Post # 16
My parents never really gave me a number either…. I sat down with them and showed them the top 2 venues that I liked and told them the cost on both of those and what was included. They told me to pick my favorite. I know they don’t want me to go crazy or anything. So all the things they are paying for I’ve talked to them about how much each thing cost before I went ahead and booked. If they were okay with it then we went with it.
I was told beforehand I would have to pay for my photographer, florist, and photobooth…so I decided what was reasonable for me there.
A lot of the little things I just pay for…like my shoes, jewelry, STDs, some decor, etc. Because it seems silly to ask them to buy me those unless they were actually just giving me a lump sum of money. They’re paying for a lot of major vendors (venue, alcohol, caterer, DJ, my dress)