(Closed) Parents have problem with vows

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

those are vows.  I think they are the same thing.  Just do what makes you happy, not your parents.

Post # 4
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Both ways are fine in my opinion.  I think you should sit down with your Fiance and discuss what the two of you want and then talk to the minister about it.  As you said, the minister is allowing you to make changes if you want to, but that should be between you and your Fiance.


As a side note, perhaps instead of looking for approval from your parents, you could discuss decisions like this with your Fiance and just let you parents know what decisions you have made if they ask. 

Post # 6
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

that’s what we’re doing because i also hate speaking in public and wouldnt be able to memorize or even repeat after the priest.  i dont see anything wrong with it.

Post # 7
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmmm, I really don’t understand why they’re so upset.  It doesn’t seem to be vastly different.  I like the idea of saying less too.  They’re just paying for a ceremony with the pastor running the show.  You guys don’t have to be the ones doing all of the talking, otherwise they’d have to ask what they’re paying for. 

Post # 8
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

That’s a perfectly normal way of doing the vows.  I’m not sure why your parents are being so difficult about it, but you and your Fiance should do whatever you feel most comfortable with.  Sorry you have to deal with this, but I think they’ll get over it once they think about it a bit.  They probably did their vows repeating after the minister, but I’m sure if they think about it they’ll remember having seen someone at some point do it the other way.

Post # 9
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You need to do what feels most comfortable for the two of you. If repeating vows will make you uncomfortable, then do it where you just answer in the affirmative. This is about what the two of you want, not your parents.

Post # 10
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think there’s a clear answer – it’s not as easy as “do whatever you want” or “do whatever your parents want.” I would say it’s all about priorities and picking your battles – figure out what the most important elements of the wedding are to you and insist on doing those the way you and Fiance want. Also determine what’s most important to your parents and try to meet them halfway in those areas. 

Regarding the ceremony specifically, we are writing our own and having it be completely “us” without others’ input was important for Fiance and me. So no one except us and our officiant will see it. And on they day of, they’ll be too happy or emotional to be critical of it. 

Finally, critical comments from parents suck, but if they are paying, they might be unavoidable. 

Post # 11
624 posts
Busy bee

I don’t see anything wrong with it…we spoke maybe 10 words during our ceremony: “Yes” and the ring quote for the exact reason as you.

Even if they are paying, I don’t feel it’s right that they can dictate your VOWS. Much different to me than the color of the table cloths!!

Post # 12
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I thought saying “I Do” was the traditional way to do it! Shows how dumb I am. 🙂 I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re doing. I’m sorry your parents are giving you a hard time.

Post # 13
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

“i do” is just traditional. I have only been to ONE wedding where they said “i do”. In fact, we said, “i will” because we brain farted.

Dude, they are still vows. Maybe just not the same ones your parents took, though!

Post # 14
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I also don’t see anything wrong with this. I’m wondering if your Mom is like my Mom…she will occasionally freak out but then calm down about it later, especially once I tell her why I’m doing something the way I am and why I want it to be that way. Sorry you’re going through this!

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