Post # 1
I just met with our minister and he gave me the entire ceremony written out so I can see if I want to add or change anything. Well, I called my mom and went over it with her and both my parents kind of freaked out. Instead of us repeating “I, ____, take you, ___, etc” the minister just reads the vows as “Do you, ____, have this man to be your wedded husband, etc. and then I just have to say “I do”.
Is there anything wrong with this? I kind of liked it because I don’t like speaking in front of people and I’m probably going to be crying anyway 🙂 . Now my mom says that’s not the same as really saying vows. And my dad in the backround going “What the h— are we paying for if they’re not even saying vows”. Now I’m just stressed and upset. Should I change it to make them happy? Fiance is at work so I will have to talk to him about it later so I don’t know how he feels about it.
Post # 3
those are vows. I think they are the same thing. Just do what makes you happy, not your parents.
Post # 4
Both ways are fine in my opinion. I think you should sit down with your Fiance and discuss what the two of you want and then talk to the minister about it. As you said, the minister is allowing you to make changes if you want to, but that should be between you and your Fiance.
As a side note, perhaps instead of looking for approval from your parents, you could discuss decisions like this with your Fiance and just let you parents know what decisions you have made if they ask.
Post # 5
It’s not that I need their approval, but it would be nice not to have them making comments to me all the time about how it’s weird or wrong for us not to be reading vows. And they will because that’s what they do if they don’t agree with something.
Post # 6
that’s what we’re doing because i also hate speaking in public and wouldnt be able to memorize or even repeat after the priest. i dont see anything wrong with it.
Post # 7
Hmmm, I really don’t understand why they’re so upset. It doesn’t seem to be vastly different. I like the idea of saying less too. They’re just paying for a ceremony with the pastor running the show. You guys don’t have to be the ones doing all of the talking, otherwise they’d have to ask what they’re paying for.
Post # 8
That’s a perfectly normal way of doing the vows. I’m not sure why your parents are being so difficult about it, but you and your Fiance should do whatever you feel most comfortable with. Sorry you have to deal with this, but I think they’ll get over it once they think about it a bit. They probably did their vows repeating after the minister, but I’m sure if they think about it they’ll remember having seen someone at some point do it the other way.
Post # 9
You need to do what feels most comfortable for the two of you. If repeating vows will make you uncomfortable, then do it where you just answer in the affirmative. This is about what the two of you want, not your parents.
Post # 10
I don’t think there’s a clear answer – it’s not as easy as “do whatever you want” or “do whatever your parents want.” I would say it’s all about priorities and picking your battles – figure out what the most important elements of the wedding are to you and insist on doing those the way you and Fiance want. Also determine what’s most important to your parents and try to meet them halfway in those areas.
Regarding the ceremony specifically, we are writing our own and having it be completely “us” without others’ input was important for Fiance and me. So no one except us and our officiant will see it. And on they day of, they’ll be too happy or emotional to be critical of it.
Finally, critical comments from parents suck, but if they are paying, they might be unavoidable.
Post # 11
I don’t see anything wrong with it…we spoke maybe 10 words during our ceremony: “Yes” and the ring quote for the exact reason as you.
Even if they are paying, I don’t feel it’s right that they can dictate your VOWS. Much different to me than the color of the table cloths!!
Post # 12
I thought saying “I Do” was the traditional way to do it! Shows how dumb I am. 🙂 I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re doing. I’m sorry your parents are giving you a hard time.
Post # 13
“i do” is just traditional. I have only been to ONE wedding where they said “i do”. In fact, we said, “i will” because we brain farted.
Dude, they are still vows. Maybe just not the same ones your parents took, though!
Post # 14
I also don’t see anything wrong with this. I’m wondering if your Mom is like my Mom…she will occasionally freak out but then calm down about it later, especially once I tell her why I’m doing something the way I am and why I want it to be that way. Sorry you’re going through this!