(Closed) Parents helping buy your first house: Would you let them? Have you had their he?

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I was almost 29 and gladly accepted help from my dad.  I made sure I was in a position where I didn’t “need” it (could afford house on my own), but it was a very nice gesture from him and it most definitely helped ALOT.  I was very grateful!  He very much wanted to help and had put the money aside for some time. 

Post # 4
8595 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Technically my mortgage is through my parents and they helped me with appliances as well. I’m incredibly thankful for their generosity and my home certainly doesn’t feel like it’s not “mine” at all.

Post # 5
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We had a ton of help from my Grandparents (they helped with our down payment) and my  Mom (she helped us buy paint and home decor that we otherwise would’ve struggled to afford) and I am forever grateful. It’s tough buying your first home – costs spring up that you don’t anticipate and you’re just learning to juggle a whole new set of bills – so I think if you have family that is willing to help, why not take it? You got approved for the mortgage and you’ll be paying the bills – so trust me, your home will still feel like yours.

Post # 6
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

The downpayment, let alone closing, appliances, etc, on houses where we live STARTS at $100,000. If we hope to get more than a trashed fixer-upper, we will likely need help from my husband’s father. And we will gladly take it!! (and then probably pay him back. But we’ll still take it and be super grateful!). Maybe it helps that he lives on the other side of the country and would never be involved in choosing exactly where the money goes?

Post # 7
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have any of you had your parents help you with your first place?

my inlaws helped my husband with the house we live in and there is a lot of other properties they either helped with the down payment or they share ownership and they did this for all their 3 sons.  on my side my mom has helped my siblings, i even think she was guarantor on my brothers house loan when he first got his house. his folks gave each son $20K before christmas “just because” and we spent it on the house which i know made them happy

we have already bought a house and earmarked it for my niece as an investment – my thoughts are as long as money is not used for leverage or control then accept with thanks and grace

Post # 9
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We borrowed money from my parents, which we do have to pay back.  I think it was really nice of them to offer even that much.


Post # 10
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I personally wouldn’t accept help on my first house.  In my mind, if I can’t afford to buy the house, then I’m not ready to buy and need to save a bit more.  However, if it’s okay in your head, why should it matter that I wouldn’t do it?  Financial decisions should be affected only by those involved in the situation. 

Post # 11
4351 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’d accept it.  I don’t know about the US housing market but the UK’s is bad.  It’s expensive.  And since the resession available mortgages have hit rock bottom.  The max you can get is 75%.  And I don’t have £25k+ ($40USD) lying around for downpayment/deposit.  And even then, that wouldn’t get you even a studio apartment in London, maybe a small (and I mean SMALL) 1 bed elsewhere for £100,000.

Post # 12
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We borrowed from my mom, but only because we built a new house, and even though we moved in in April, they required a 5.5% deposit in September so they could start building. We paid her back within a month or two though.

Post # 13
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I guess it depends on the parents/people lending the money – are they really giving it as a gift?  I would hate to have to live in MY house where “the lender” says “ya know, we gave you money for the down payment, we would really like you to paint the guest bedroom orange and green for us.”  

Post # 14
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We got some help from my parents but it was a complete surprise. They bought us our washer and dryer as a gift. I had no problem with them helping us because they helped my younger sisters with a lot of college costs that they couldn’t help me with when I was in school. Plus I knew they would never hold it over my head or anything like that.

Post # 15
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My FI’s parents offered us a very large amount towards our down payment. We were putting 20% down and I’d say we had just over half of it from our own savings. We accepted their gift and greatly appreciated it. It made our lives a lot easier.

Post # 16
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes and no.

With our first home it was actually my husband’s maternal grandmother’s home that was left to Mother-In-Law when she passed. We rented from them then we bought it from them. So they sold it to us under fair market value because we put a lot of hard work & money into updating the place. So technically that amount became a gift of equity that worked towards our down payment. But. We had put money into it beforehand so it all equals out.

With the new house my mom has been insisting on giving us cash towards the down payment. We refused. Then she tried to give it to us towards our renovation. We refused, she is still insisting. This is her “fun retirement” money, no way we can take that from her. So to keep the peace I’m holding onto it for her and giving it back to her at some point. But we have no intentions of touching it whatsoever. Same thing with my brothers and ILs. They all offered but we refused. My ILs are a year away from retirement and my brothers all have young kids of their own.

And family members have/are buying us key furniture pieces as housewarming presents. My ILs got us a riding lawn mower (we have a huge backyard!), my eldest brother & SIL are getting us our new fridge, other brother & SIL are getting us a new TV for the living room, mom the new living room set.

We are very very lucky!

ETA: After reading through the responses, gosh no. Never occured to me that our family would hold it over us if we took their money. We know they did it because they have all been there and know how hard & expensive home ownership is and wanted to help us out.

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