(Closed) Parents helping – who initiated the conversation?

posted 6 years ago in Money
  • poll: Who initiated the Conversation
    Them - before we started planning : (25 votes)
    56 %
    Us - before we started planning : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Them - once we set the date : (17 votes)
    38 %
    Us - once we set the date : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @MsGinkgo:  if your dad is going to help, he should be the one to offer, you shouldn’t ask. It’s early days yet, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, but to be safe, plan your wedding as if you will have to pay for all of it because really, at the end of the day, it is your responsibility. 

    Post # 4
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My parents brought it up.


    It’s a bit of a two-edge sword though, cos my parents are retired and do not have much money and I feel a bit guilty especially when I consider they will probably not be able to travel overseas now. But they said last year it was important to them and they had always planned to contribute to our weddings. Just know that when people contribute money there’s nearly always going to be some kind of consequence to it. 

    Post # 6
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would assume to pick up the bulk of the cost, if not all. So plan accordingly. If there is a contributionc coming your way, your parents will make it known to you & you can either upgrade an item or have a little more savings.

    This way you will be happy no matte you get, & if you receive anything.

    Post # 7
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @MsGinkgo:  plan according to your finances and budget. if and when anyone offers, treat it as a welcome bonus and save your cash for starting your new life together. 


    This has worked beautifully for us, we have the cash to pay ourselves for the size of wedding we are planning. having that to fall back on in case our parents can no longer contribute or try to exert control is a blessing. oh and btw our parents randomly offered cash for the wedding. we honestly never figured they would contribute. 

    Post # 9
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    My parents let me know when I was like…ten years old that there was a certain amount that each of us kids got as a wedding gift to use towards the wedding. I didn’t learn what this amount was until I was old enough to comprehend it (it was enough to cover the entire wedding), but I don’t even remember when they told me, it was always just a given I guess (like how I didn’t even ask my sister to be Maid/Matron of Honor, she just knew, lol)

    Post # 10
    1060 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @MsGinkgo:  We started planning as though we were paying for everything ourselves. My mom always told me she wanted to buy my dress so I knew about that and she said something along the lines of ” me and daddy want to help with the wedding”. It was vague so me and Darling Husband just ignored it and carried on planning according to our budget until my parents sat us down and talked specifics with us about how much they wanted to offer, or what they wanted to pay for etc.



    Post # 11
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    With hubbys family they offered to pay for all of the rehearsal dinner and we were thrilled we didnt have to bring it up to them. My dad knew he was going to help but I couldnt get a set answer out of him as to how much he could contribute (I say could because I know if he could have afforded to pay for the whole thing he would have but I have 2 siblings in private high school, one who just got a car and the other will need one this December). I text and asked for an amount and he said that wad too high and came back with a lower amount. My mom (who really cant afford much) agreed to the difference of the amount I asked my dad for and what he agreed. They both wrote me checks monthly and I put it towards the venue. It was nice that they had a year to plan and budget rather than just give me one amount all at once. 

    Post # 12
    8444 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @MsGinkgo:  Always assume that you’re paying until someone actually hands you the  money.  We planned everything so that we would be able to afford it ourselves.  We received some money from our moms, but we didn’t have to ask, they just sent it.  We didn’t even know the amounts until we received the money.  In fact, we had already booked/purchased 80% of our wedding before we even got any contributions.

    Post # 13
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I didn’t vote.  They offered:

    – My parents shortly after engagement (a few weeks?)

    – His dad a few months after engagement

    – His mom shortly after engagement


    They paid:

    – My parents a chunk early on in deposits, rest after wedding we settled up

    – His dad a few months before the wedding

    – His mom in a wedding check day after the wedding (she offered earlier, but for various reasons we kept trying to refuse it until we felt we couldn’t when it was a gift).


    We planned a wedding we could afford if they didn’t come through.  Good thing too because my parents gave less than initially offered (because they counted things like their and my grandmothers hotel room, my mom’s two dresses, my mom’s hair cut in the amount they paid for the wedding).

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