(Closed) Parents helping with downpayment…but basically want to pick the house

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would just suck it up honestly. You are really fortunate. Who cares if that downpayment comes with an earful of advice. 

Post # 3
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

If your parents are giving you the money to buy the house, then they get a say. If you don’t like them having a say, don’t take their money. 

Post # 4
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

I would think long and hard about waiting a couple of years if I were you. It seems like your dad is already hanging the money over your head. A home is a huge purchase that you will be making payments on for years to come. If I’m paying for something, I want exactly what I want, not what someone thinks I should have. 

Post # 5
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree, either suck it up or rent a place on your own. My Darling Husband & I had to save for years and work our butts off to own a house. If our parents were handing us money, I’d accept whatever advice they had! 

Post # 6
Member
727 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like that your dad come with you on house hunting. Can you just ask him of what is his check list of a ‘good house’; have discussion to make sure you both agree to the list (so nothing outrageous for you or something looks unhealthy/bad from his view); and ask, if you can get a house that fulfill around 80% of the list, will he let you get it? I am greatful that my parents able to help too, and similar approach (especially the discussion and setting up limit/clear targets) really help a lot in reducing their nervousness of us being first-time homebuyer and unnecessary debate.

Post # 7
Member
939 posts
Busy bee

I believe that a gift is a gift, meaning no strings attached- if your parents want to give help with a down payment, it is not them buying the rite to telling you which home to buy, but I understand everyone has different beliefs on this. Due to the fact that they believe lending/giving you money means that they get to choose the house, I might not accept the money, especially if I wanted to live in the house for several decades and was really opposed to the houses he liked.  If you, your husband, and dad agree on what you like in houses, then maybe I would consider accepting the gift.  Renting and saving up your own money is not a terrible fate, especially since you suggest that you are able to earn enough to cover living expenses and save up for a downpayment

Post # 9
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee

Sometimes parent’s years of experience actually are worth something.  Try to listen with an open ear.  If considering the point of view of someone, who has your best interest at heart, is more than you can do – then decline the offer of the loan and buy the house you want – without input – when you can afford it. 

Post # 11
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If his input bothers you so much, decline his offer and rent for a while. You can still start a family while you’re renting. There’s nothing wrong with renting. 

Post # 12
Member
9042 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Money rarely comes without strings.

You have to work out if you can live with those strings.

But I will say as far as strings go these are pretty good strings because the advice your dad gave that you posted is good advice. Living on a busy street sucks and taxes only go up. 

Post # 13
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

Laur12:  You need to determine if it’s more important for you to be in any house ASAP, or in a house you really love later down the line. Your parents are being very gracious for sure, but their generosity is coming with strings. It’s your HOME. I would rather save so I could have something I really love. I hate my current place and am miserable, luckily we are just renting though. Just my .02! Again, it’s an incredible gesture from your parents. 

Post # 14
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

Are we sisters, lol? The stuff you said about your dad is so spot on for mine.

Like yours, my parents are very generous with money, but it always comes with strings attached in the sense that they want to make decisions for me. They have put money away to help me with a down payment, but my Fiance and I are going to turn it down because we want full control over the decision of where to live and which home to buy. Sorry, but I think you have to choose one or the other – take your parents’ money together with their input, or pay for it on your own and pick the house you and your Fiance want.

Post # 15
Member
9580 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Have you spoken to him about it, explained you really loved those two houses, you really wanted to move forward but he vitoed it, and ask if maybe you and husband vs him have such different ideas as to what you and your husband need in a house that it might be best if you decline his very gracious gift.  Don’t make it a threat, just.. let him know how you’re feeling.

I understand if it’s not an option because of his temper.. I just know that’s what I’d do with my dad, if I were in that situation.  To be fair though: my dad has given me money with no strings attached in the past, just good solid advice, so he might just be a different beast altogether.

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