(Closed) Parents Insisting on Ruining Wedding/Refuse to Come…Call it Off?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Tell your parents that if they are going to act childish then you do not want them to attend. This is a happy celebration and you want to surrond yourself with people who love and support you.

Post # 4
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Wow, that’s a really hard situation. I haven’t read your other posts, but I’m sorry you’re having so much family drama. I’m not sure what I’d do in your situation, but maybe just say the same thing back to your parents: “you’ll come and put aside your drama for my and FI’s day (that you aren’t even helping finance). Or don’t come. Those are your two choices since you aren’t paying for anything.” I’m not sure if that’s helpful at all. I hope it works out.

Post # 5
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Your parents seem like very, very abusive people and I’d like to point out that you don’t have to put up with people who abuse you because they share some of your genetic material. You do NOT deserve to be treated that way. 

Moving on.

My only suggestion is to have the wedding that you want to have with the people that you want to have there who aren’t going to threaten you and tell you you’re a piece of shit. If this means changing your venue, the date, or both then it’s worth it.

Post # 6
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

don’t call it off, call THEM off. you worked hard to get your wedding the way you wanted it to…do NOT let anyone ruin your day. the only people that are going to look bad at your wedding are your parents – that didn’t show up. i’m in a similar situation with my mom…no one likes her/gets along with her…i surely don’t! i told her if she cannot be nice and well behaved and not cause drama leading up to the wedding and/or AT the wedding then she shouldn’t come. PERIOD. it’s a happy day and more importantly it’s YOUR day…not hers/theirs. remember that.

Post # 7
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t hesitate to ban your parents from your wedding at this point.  And hire some security/bouncers to make sure they don’t get in. You and your Fiance should be able to have a comfortable, personal event that is all about the two of you. Your parents should have absolutely no power or ability to cause such a riot on your wedding day. This is awful.

Post # 8
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

There is no reason for you to have to deal with your parents acting like children on your day. If you want your aunt there, then your aunt should oviously be invited. If I were you, and I know it’s difficult, I would tell your parents to fuck off and carry on with your wedding without them. If changing the date makes you more comfortable go for it, but there is no reason for you to let them treat you this way. *hugs*

Post # 9
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why dont you start calling relatives and saying “you cant get married because your parents aren’t able to use their manners.” At this point I’d be livid as all hell. I’d start embarrassing my parents.

Im sorry they are putting you through all these shennigans! Sad! You deserve this new family, take them and embrace them! xo

Post # 11
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

tell them not to come. my FI’s parents are not coming.. pretty sure

Post # 12
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with others. Tell your parents they are no longer invited. This is you and your FI’s day to celebrate your love for each other, don’t let anyone ruin it. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, I’m praying everything will work out for you. xoxo

Post # 13
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

To be honest, I would tell them not to come. Obviously they can’t get over their petty problems, and aren’t welcome.

Do not call the wedding off – if worse comes to worse take your fiance somewhere romantic and elope. Don’t let them ruin your happiness.

Post # 14
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Find somewhere in your budget to hire some security. Tell your parents that they can come or not come, but if they do come and start to make a scene…. security will physically escort them out and not let them back in.

Post # 15
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with the PP’s and not call it off. Your parents are beyong ridiculous and should not be allowed to attend. As parents they should be supporting you during a major change in life, and what are they doing? Acting like they need to be put in daycare.

So maddening. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Post # 16
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@leebaby711: I feel so badly for you. Without going into too much detail, I have a family that has behaved in a similar fashion over the years. Quite honestly, I could never make out exactly why parents would want to treat their own flesh and blood in such a way, and I went to a counselor to sort it all out. That was one of the smartest decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I’m more firm with them, and we’re now on equal footing.

I would recommend that you buy the book “Adult Children of Abusive Parents” by Steven Farmer. It will guide you through the process of not only respecting yourself enough to recognize the abuse as it occurs, but also it will help you to shut it down as soon as it begins. It will help you to forage a new relationship with your parents, and it will reinforce the fact that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Do not do not DO NOT place blame on yourself for your parents being so irrational. It is not your fault, nor your problem that they lack introspection enough to see that they are projecting their anger and shortcomings onto you and your fiance.

You may find that it would be best to limit your contact with your parents going forward. It will be painful in the beginning, because they are “your people” and they are what you know, but I PROMISE you if you surround yourself with a pleasant circle of people who are rational and loving, this new “family” will bring unexpected joy into your life. You will enjoy emotional freedom in a way you wouldn’t even imagine, and I guarantee you’ll have wished you embarked on this journey earlier. Luckily you have the help of your FH to walk to you through the process, because it can be scary at first. But as someone who was in your exact position once, it’s so worth it.

Good luck to you! And I hope for your sake, you follow through with the wedding surrounded by the people that love and RESPECT you the most.

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