Post # 17
Un-invite them. End of story. They are making your day about them, and it.is.NOT. It’s your day, and if they can’t come together and behave like normal human beings and concentrate on you and not themselves, then they don’t deserve the joy of celebrating with you. Don’t give into their shenanigans and let them ruin one of the most important days of your life!
With that said, I agree with ‘rosworms’….invest in a few security guards if you can, because unfortunately even if your parents say they won’t come, by the way you’ve described them it seems like they almost won’t be able to resist attempting to make a scene – because again they are more interested in themselves than in you!
Post # 18
I ouldn’t call it off. That’s negotiating with terrorists and against policy. Carry on with your plans.
Post # 19
I would agree with most everyone to not call it off, but don’t uninvite them right away. Let them make the decision of not coming, or it could come back at you. Maybe you can sit down and talk with them after the weeekend when things have calmed down. Let them know the stress you feel over it and that you won’t want them there if they are going to be childish. Remind them that it’s YOUR wedding day and that you want it to be remembered as a happy day not the day your parents humiliated you in front of all your family and friends. And if after a calm talk (try to stay calm if you do this, I know it’s hard but it’ll show your being mature about it) they are still being the same then let them know you would prefer they did not attend. Give them about a week to calm down after the talk if it doesn’t go the best before you try to contact them. Good Luck Dear!! I hope everything works out for you. I’m sending you good vibes for this to be resolved and your weding to be amazing! Also Try not to stress if they don’t show, they wil probably regret their actions eventually.
Post # 20
I agree that you shouldn’t call it off. I’ve dealt with similar (althought not as extreme) problems and I think you should concentrate on the people who love you and want to share in your special day with you. It’s not about their family squabbles, but about you and your Fiance.
Also, I would advise you to stop the dialogue between yourself and your parents and go off the grid a little. It’s impossible to win an argument with irrational people. Be strong and don’t let them bully you!
Post # 21
thanks girls 🙂 It’s hard to realize awful behavior from parents but based on things they’ve pulled during other important times in my life (high school graduation; college graduation; my engagement; I shouldn’t be that surprised.
@JulesSchnooks thanks for the suggestion. I definitely think it would help. I always let people say whatever they want to me, so my parents often take advantage of that and it’s a pretty unhealthy trend.
Post # 22
I re-read your posts dear. HUGS. First off, what has happened with the two BM’s and what’s current with the ex-MOH? Are they coming?
As for your parents, they are being very childish. The other posters are correct: disinvite them. Call their bluff. Hire security or have hostesses from your venue have a list to block crashers.
You have 6 weeks until you are wedded to your beloved. Have fun!
Post # 23
Girl.. no. Do NOT call off your wedding for these jackals. I definitely agree with uninviting them & hiring security. Don’t let them ruin your wedding day. I would say to allow them to come and have security escort them out at the first sign of any drama… but seeing your parents being carted off by security in the middle of your wedding reception probably won’t be a good memory… so I say, keep them out from the get go.
Post # 24
There is NO WAY you should call off your wedding!!
Uninvite them and the guests they put on your list!! its sad and frustrating I know but its YOUR day with your FI!! You want to look back on it as a happy time!!
You can’t choose your family! But you can choose how you live your life and who you spend it with. I’m sorry this is happening to you. But at the end of the day you are paying for it. uninvite them and enjoy your day.
Do NOT let them ruin your wedding day!! As my 94yr old gran says, ‘One day your parents will be gone and you want to look back on that day and say, yes, I did it the way I wanted, not their way.’
Its about you and your Fiance NOT them.
Its hard I know but you don’t owe your parents anything. Yes they are your parents but you don’t have children to hold things over their heads later in life. Every human being deserves to be treated with respect and that goes for families and how they treat each other!!
They are not treating you with respect or love in that matter. Uninvite them. Maybe then they will wake up and spend the next few years trying to make it up to you. Although from what you said about your aunt and mother that unfortuntaely seems unlikely sorry.
I hope you are able to be strong and do what is right for you and your Fiance. You are a family now!
Post # 25
Do not let them ruin your day. If they want to be like that, let them sulk at home while you have your special day.
Post # 26
This is your day, your marriage, and your life. Don’t let their opinions and actions have any effect on your happiness! Have the day you were so excited for and leave them out of it!
Post # 27
@LuvMySailor- Thanks. I can’t even go back and read them. My ex-MOH and I haven’t talked since her e-mail she sent me bowing out of the wedding and my life. Sadly, I really miss her despite everything that happened. The other two bridesmaids who never liked her, decided after everything went down, to be-friend her. So all of them get along now, which makes things pretty strained, for them not me. For example, one bridesmaid was throwing a grad party and told me they needed to know if I was going to make the drive for it (I live six hours away) on the spot, because they really wanted to invite ex-MOH but she wouldn’t come if I was there. Sigh, gotta love these girls lol
Post # 28
Thank you everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it! I was so upset yesterday, and I had to drive to my future in-laws and put on a big happy face which was really hard. My Future Mother-In-Law was asking all these questions about my shower and I had no clue what to say. My mom was helping my bridesmaids coordinate it, so I don’t know if she’s going to come at this point or if any plans will fall through without her there. Some of FI’s family is flying across the country for it, so I really hope it still takes place. I don’t even care about the gifts at this point, I’m just so embarrassed this is happening.
Post # 29
You are nicer than me! Personally, those two bridesmaids sound toxic. They would befriend the girl who ha been a toxic friend to you?! Really, would it be too much to boot them from the wedding too??
Thank heavens for your wonderful Mother-In-Law. Serisouly, I would call your mother and ask her if she is still interested in coordinating your shower. Even if she says yes, bring your Mother-In-Law into it to make sure it still happens. You DESERVE some happiness and those 3 women deserve each other’s bitterness and cattiness.
If you want to look at them in your wedding photos for the rest of your life, it’s your call. BUt I would just boot them from your wedding and your life. You don’t need their stress. I hope they behave at the wedding
Post # 30
said is 100% correct. It’s been a continuing pattern so why should you sacrfice your special day? Let them stay away.
Post # 31
Is there anyone who could be a go-between here?
I ask because there have been a couple times when my mom has made me so upset that I’ve seriously considered calling our wedding off, and what has been helpful for me is talking to my paternal aunts about it. They have been really supportive and kept what I had to say in confidence, but the important thing that really helped me calm down was that I knew that if I tried to call the wedding off, they would step outside the role of listener and take it up with my mom (who would be ashamed enough by being called out by a respected relative to maybe start seeing things in perspective), and if it couldn’t be worked out, they would know the real story and make sure to put a stop to it if people started talking trash and making everything out to be our fault.
Obviously every family dynamic is different but I just thought I’d throw that out there. If you think your parents would be embarrassed to be called out by someone besides you, I would consider enlisting that help, because it would likely be a lot easier to get over the damage that this will do to your relationship with your parents (on both ends) if you have to cut them out of your wedding festivities. I absolutely understand that it may come to that, but if they would have the good sense to at least be embarrassed that they were uninvited to their own daughter’s wedding, maybe having someone they respect give them a talking-to before the wedding would be a way for them to confront the reality of what they’re doing and how it’s going to make them look (and ideally, how their behavior affects you, but let’s not dream too big, lol) before everything goes down for real. Good luck!!