(Closed) Parents Insisting on Ruining Wedding/Refuse to Come…Call it Off?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sounds like you are getting some great advice here from the bees….  Just chiming in to send you positive affirmations!  I hope your wedding day turns out to be peacefilled, positive and a wonderful day!

Post # 35
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

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@leebaby711:  I have a mother who is a “problem”, to keep it short.  Still, I believed she would “behave herself” at my wedding.  I had misgivings about inviting her but in the end I thought I couldn’t live with myself if I did NOT invite her and again, I told myself that surely she could wear her big girl panties for at least a few days to get through the wedding with no drama.

Well, I was wrong.  She was half-drunk when the ceremony was about to start, brought alcohol into the church with her (!) which I wasn’t aware of because I was too busy. She pouted, she cried, she threw a hissy fit and she decided literally MOMENTS before she was supposed to walk me down the aisle that she was butt hurt about something and informed my SIL she wa NOT walking me down the aisle and that if she had a car she’d have left right then.  

She did this as the prelude music was playing and I was putting my veil on and about to walk down the aisle with HER.  No one told the officiant of the change, I walked down by myself, when the officiant asked “who presents this woman in marriage” there was an awkward silence where my mom should have answered “I do”… (but instead she sat in the last pew and pouted into her wine).. my SIL, thankfully, stepped up and answered “We all do” and saved the moment.  Then I had to figure out how a subtle way to lift my own veil since she was supposed to have done that too.

And the drama continued through the reception and the rest of the weekend, making everyone very uncomfortable.  I still cringe when I think about it.  I wish, in hindsight, that I had followed my gut and NOT invited her.  Ironically she ended up accusing me in the end of only inviting her because my SIL pushed me to… which is hilarious and the opposite of what happened.  SIL was asking me “Are you sure about inviting your mom?” in the months leading up to the wedding. Funny huh?  I was the one saying “well, she IS my MOM..”.

My point is, you have parents telling you flat out that they WILL CAUSE DRAMA!  There is no reason why you should let them show up and cause bad memories. Yes they are family but my SIL shares no blood with me (my brothers wife) and she behaved much more like “family” than my own mother when it really counted.  My advice is to not invite anyone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

 

Post # 36
Member
7368 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@MsInterpret: Your last sentence says it all. Your SIL sounds like a gem. Your lucky that you now have “family” that appreciates you and has your back. 

Post # 37
Member
14 posts
Newbee

First off, I want to offer you a hug, a shoulder, whatever. I’d even make you a couple of those martinis for you. It’s hard dealing with parents. I went through a similar situation at my cousin’s wedding. An aunt did similar things and we had to keep her seperated from our grandparents, even if she was MOG.

Honestly, if you feel strongly enough that you want your parents there, see if you can post pone it. Do you have siblings? I’d say if you can deal with them not being there, have your brother walk you down the isle.

I like the security idea, but I hope things don’t get that far.

Post # 38
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

You should tell your parents that the wedding has been called off and you will just elope so they won’t come to your wedding. If that were my parents I wouldn’t want them there and I would lie just so I could enjoy MY day. It sounds shitty but from what you wrote they don’t seem like they would really care. I say have your wedding without your parents and their friends.

Post # 39
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@leebaby711: So what will you do?? Not get married at all? Ever?? Your parents are blowing everything out of proportion, and they have absolutely no say on who you invite or not, especially since you are paying for everything.

 

I say go ahead and continue with your plans. Otherwise you would probably wont ever get married! What are the chances that your parents will ever be happy about you inviting your aunt to the wedding? Slim.

 

I say continue with the plans, or cancel everything and go on a trip with your fiancee and get married just the two of you. Planning a wedding is very emotional, but it shouldnt be this hard on you. Its your day. Enjoy the process and look for support on those that are actually willing to give it! 🙂

Post # 40
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@leebaby711:

I would let things calm down, then ask your parents for the real reason. From their reaction, I doubt your mom’s argument with your aunt is as simple as competing for your grandparents affection. I don’t know your mom, but I’ve know families to keep plenty of secrets and explain it away with simple harmless-sounding reasons. In the end, I would choose my parents over my aunt. Just In My Humble Opinion.

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