(Closed) Parents living through their children

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do. 

Post # 5
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LadyElva:  Your Future Father-In-Law is nor going to change. The only thing you can control is your response. Make a conscious choice to NOT let him push your buttons.

Post # 7
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oooooo. I hate patronizing! That sucks. :

I doubt there’s anything you can do to change his seeing you as children. He’ll have to work that out on his own. But I do I think (just a personal insight) that you’ll only feel pressure from him and his expectations if you’re afraid of disappointing him. As soon as you let go of the idea of keeping him happy about your future plans, I think the tension you feel will lift. Of course you love and respect him, but the responsibility of being happy falls mostly on your Future Father-In-Law. If he builds up his expectations past what you & FH have planned and communicated to him, then its sooooo NOT your fault when he gets let down. You can’t help that. Recognize he’s doing it to himself and don’t be afraid to tactfully warn him that his mental image of your lives is off the mark! Water off a duck’s back, let the guy dream, and don’t lose any sleep over it.

Post # 9
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow, a youth refuge. Sounds like you have a great guy! And such a shame his dad doesn’t appreciate that more… maybe its an old idea that real manly men should sweat it out in the dirt for a living. Who knows? Maybe a “take your dad to work day” would help? Let him see what an impact your fiance is really making! Best of luck, my prayers go out to yall. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@LadyElva:  Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that. As the others have said there’s unfortunately not much you can do apart from respectfully disagree. Just make sure that if you ever have a son, you don’t let your Future Father-In-Law project his fantasies onto him. 

Post # 11
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LadyElva:  All you and your fiance can do is tell him your plans.  “Actually, we will never be farmers.”  And then when he says again how you will do something else, “Actually we are doing X not Y.”  Sounds like he’s in denial about his own life and his son’s life.  These things come best from your fiance, by the way.  Otherwise, you’re the one who took away his son’s dream of owning a farm. 

I went through the same thing with my Mother-In-Law who wanted like 8 kids and only had 1.  She really wants us to have a football team but we’re childfree.  Every single time she made a comment about her plans for our lives, my husband said, “we are never having kids.”  Pissed her off, but made our point clear.

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