(Closed) Parents making us an offer we can't refuse…

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Not personally, but a friend of mine had a similar offer from her parents:  It was either they give her a check for $xxx (a hefty sum I recall) OR pay for her wedding.  I told her to take the money and buy a house, and have a smaller wedding (they were eloping and having a reception when they got back) but she didn’t listen.  6 months later she regretted that!

Post # 4
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

@MerryWidow:  I agree. If I had an offer like that, I would make sure my wedding was a bargain and keep the excess funds for a house.

Post # 5
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My grandparents gave that same offer to my mom & her sister! They both did drastically different things. My mom had a tiny wedding with 10 people, and took the money to buy a house. My aunt used every last bit of it to have a huge, elaborate wedding. They were both really happy with their (different) decisions. 

Post # 6
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My parents did this, my dad wrote me a check for $25k right after we got engaged and told us to do what we want with it, if we chose not to have a wedding then we could use it for whatever. We already own a home so decided to have the wedding. My parents want no say in any of the plans just bc they gave us money they didn’t expect to be consulted on anything. My father did request a chocolate fountain because he thought an open bar plus a chocolate fountain would make for one “classy” event LOL. Other than that, he’s been measured for his tux and will just show up the day of. My mom on the other hand is super crafty so she and two of her friends are doing my programs, Out of Town bags, bathroom baskets, tying bows on my bubbles and my favors. She also came dress shopping with me and helped me with other planning stuff but again just bc she’s paying every choice was mine. She has amazing taste though so she was usually spot on! She also generously paid for my dress, veil and headband (almost another $2k). My FIL’s are paying for the Rehearsal Dinner, flowers, transportation and honeymoon. We are very very blessed! With that said I live in NY so there will be no money left over, plus we invited 234 people.

Post # 7
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That’s out situation exactly. We set up a new account, dad transferred a set amount into it, and I have done every bit of the planning. They insisted that I invite one couple they’re friends with – that has been the only demand. Fiance and I have kept the wedding costs to just over half the total budget, so they rest is ours to pay down debt.

Post # 8
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My parents gave us an amount they chose, and then told us it was a gift.  We could spend it on a wedding or we could elope and save it all.  It’s kind of a tradition in my family; that’s what my grantparents did when my parents got married.

Post # 9
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Ballet513:  LOL I love that your dad thought an open bar and chocolate fountain was ‘classy’ that’s so cute!

Post # 10
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

That’s pretty much what my mom did. After we got engaged she said that she would be giving us X amount as a gift. We could either use it for the wedding or put it towards whatever. It wasn’t a HUGE amount (not like enough to buy a house with or anything) so we used it for our wedding. Her contribution paid for the whole venue bill which was roughly half of our total cost. I never once regretted putting the money towards our big day.

Post # 11
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

My parents will pretty much be paying except for my little DIY projects and maybe my dress. 

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My parents are paying for all of our food at the wedding.

We’re paying for the rest out of pocket and my Mom specifically told me that she was so proud of us for paying for it outselves (we’re both full time college students and work full time as well so we’re working hard for this!) and couldn’t let us pay for the food too.  

We’ve already discussed plans to pay for our children’s weddings though – we want to be able to give them that (pending making good decisions, of course 🙂 ) – it’s a long way off, but good to plan!

Post # 13
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, but I feel like it would be a slap in the face to have a super low budget wedding and take the cash. We aren’t planning to use all of it, but maybe 85%. They have certain standards they want for the wedding, and since they are paying for it, I will definitely meet them.  

Post # 14
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My parents did this for us.  They said that we could run off to Vegas, elope, and keep the money as a down payment for our next house if we wanted. We ultimately decided to do a big wedding since it’s important to Fiance and we used most of the money my parents gave us.  They were kind enough to not attach any “strings” to the money and my mom actually wanted to be pretty hands-off as far as most of the details were concerned.  They just wanted us to have exactly what we wanted and not micromanage any of our choices.  I felt really blessed.  

Post # 15
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

Oh, I wish!  You all are really fortunate to have parents both generous enough to do this and in the kind of financial position that allows them to!  If it were me, I’d definitely keep the wedding modest and use the remainder to pay off debt.

Post # 16
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My parents did this for us – and we are putting it towards a house! We have money put aside for the wedding from savings etc so for us it was the right decision to make, obviously everyone is different though!

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