Parents meeting for the first time…and FSIL thinks she should be there

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should let her be there especially if his parents are awkward. They may want her there so they feel more comfortable. I think making everyone feel comfortable is what you should focus on. I know you’re stressed out, but if your mom is talkative and his parents aren’t, then your Future Sister-In-Law can chat it up with your parents while his parents just listen. There probably won’t be any awkward silences. 

Post # 3
Member
5863 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, let the SIL come, sounds like your poor Future Mother-In-Law may need a buffer zone once your mom gets a few beers into her.

You can’t judge your future in laws so harshly (including SIL) while in the same breath writing off your own family’s negative shit as cute little quirks. 

Post # 4
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

Honestly I would want my Future Sister-In-Law to be there for the same reason. So it’s not as awkward the day of the wedding. I think it would be nice for them to all break the ice together. 

And don’t worry about them meeting. Most of the time I feel like parents “bahave” themselves and know how to handle differences. Don’t sweat it! 

Post # 5
Member
2887 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I would let her come.. my fiance and I are planning to have my mother meet his mother and boyfriend prior to our wedding which is in 3 months which I’m super nervous about. My mom is great, I love her but she tends to talk down to people, or one-up people especially after a couple drinks so I’m a bit nervous as to how my fiances mother will like her as she’s a no bull shit type of woman. We’re inviting both of our siblings, I think having more people will make it less awkward and sounds like it could be the same for your scenario. Plus, you’re all going to be family in the end.

Post # 6
Member
5591 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m going against the grain here because I understand your hesitency with having your Future Sister-In-Law there if she’s nothing but drama and redirects the conversation to herself.

I wouldn’t want her there either.

However, I also see the points pps made about making your in laws feel comfortable. This is also a decision that could impact your relationship with them.

I get it but the bees have made good points.

Post # 7
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Let her come. If it helps (or even distracts) from the awkward dynamic that might be a good thing. And do you really want to make your Future Mother-In-Law even more anxious by refusing her request to have her daughter there? Invite the Future Sister-In-Law and don’t sweat the rest.

Post # 8
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

My parents are the awkward ones and about to meet FH’s soon. We’ve been dating 4 years so this is WAY overdue… I get why you feel she’s unneccessary to the situation, but you must also feel alot of pressure to show everyone a good time? If SIL can diffuse some of that pressure, why not let her be there? If she’s friendly and generally has interesting things to contribute to a conversation, she’ll be a big help to you and Fiance. However, if she’s chatty but has nothing of substance to add, well… that’s a good reason to say no, thanks…

Post # 9
Member
9569 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I actually think having her there will be better.  She can dominate the conversation as she does, your in-laws won’t be offended they don’t get a word in because it’s their daughter and your parents can focus on responding to her because that’s the conversation at hand, by her design.

I much prefer when my brother and his girlfriend are at our family gatherings for the same reason… Our parents personalities are oil and water, so to speak. (It’s legitimately painful to watch them be in the same room. We now limit that to Christmas dinner and literally nothing else cus of how painful it is.)

Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I am going to go against the grain and say no.  This is a meeting of the parents, not a family meeting.  If you would like to do something like drinks and desserts to include all siblings that is one thing, but having that kind of negativity tag along to make your future Mother-In-Law a bit more seems extreme.  Ask mom to keep it to a 2 beer max for the first meeting.  Sometimes the spotlight has to be on you, and this is one of the times. Your parents are not interested in meeting your future SIL right now they are interested in meeting his parents.  Her overwhelming personality may cause your mom to drink more and then it’s going to go bad really quick.

Post # 11
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If it makes Mother-In-Law feel more comfortable, then why not?  I hate being thrown in uncomfortable siutations and like a “buffer” there sometimes too… especially a more outgoing talkative buffer that can break the tension if I can’t.  They’re going to meet whether or not SIL is there, so I dont see the big deal, it’s not like you knwo they will meet, hit it off and just be comfortable around each other.  SIL is part of the ‘family’ too imo, so what’s the harm in your parents getting to knwo her better too.

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee

It’s a little strange to me that she wants to come so badly, but it may actually help your case rather than harm it. Even if she’s a little abrasive it might ease the tension on the parents because they won’t be the constant centre of focus.

I’m an introvert and I like having a bigger, less formal events for meeting people for the first time. Then it’s more like mingling rather than intense one-on-one where you feel under pressure to keep conversation going constantly.

Post # 13
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m against the grain, too. The purpose of the parents meeting is so they get to know each other, right? I don’t see how they will get to know each other with SIL dominating the conversation. Having a buffer there is going to buffer the parents from actually interacting. If she’s that keen to come, could you arrange another social in a few weeks? 

Also, do you have siblings? Our does Fiance have other siblings? It would be weird to just include one sibling and leave others out.

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