Post # 1
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
Our parents are literally the opposite of each other. FH’s parents are some of the most awkward people I’ve ever met and my parents are pretty bubbly/outgoing. My mom can be a little too much of a social butterfly, and especially when she has a few beers. His parents don’t drink anything at all. I know it’s completely out of my control how they interact but I just feel so much pressure from the whole gathering. We’re having them meet 3 months before our wedding so it’s not super awkward when they meet wedding weekend. So we’ve had this whole dinner and everything planned… and Future Mother-In-Law told FH that his sister really really wanted to be there. I think its a little bit of a distraction for her to be there because its the first time our parents are meeting and I think Future Mother-In-Law just wants another reason to feel comfortable and not as awkward but it just makes me feel weird because when we get together with Future Sister-In-Law everything is about her. She’s getting a divorce and selling her house and changing jobs and always has a ton of drama that she dumps on everyone. Is it bad that I don’t think she should be there for this moment – that I’m already worried about?!
Post # 2
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
I think you should let her be there especially if his parents are awkward. They may want her there so they feel more comfortable. I think making everyone feel comfortable is what you should focus on. I know you’re stressed out, but if your mom is talkative and his parents aren’t, then your Future Sister-In-Law can chat it up with your parents while his parents just listen. There probably won’t be any awkward silences.
Post # 3
Member
5863 posts
Bee Keeper
Yes, let the SIL come, sounds like your poor Future Mother-In-Law may need a buffer zone once your mom gets a few beers into her.
You can’t judge your future in laws so harshly (including SIL) while in the same breath writing off your own family’s negative shit as cute little quirks.
Post # 4
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
Honestly I would want my Future Sister-In-Law to be there for the same reason. So it’s not as awkward the day of the wedding. I think it would be nice for them to all break the ice together.
And don’t worry about them meeting. Most of the time I feel like parents “bahave” themselves and know how to handle differences. Don’t sweat it!
Post # 5
Member
2887 posts
Sugar bee
I would let her come.. my fiance and I are planning to have my mother meet his mother and boyfriend prior to our wedding which is in 3 months which I’m super nervous about. My mom is great, I love her but she tends to talk down to people, or one-up people especially after a couple drinks so I’m a bit nervous as to how my fiances mother will like her as she’s a no bull shit type of woman. We’re inviting both of our siblings, I think having more people will make it less awkward and sounds like it could be the same for your scenario. Plus, you’re all going to be family in the end.
Post # 6
Member
5591 posts
Bee Keeper
I’m going against the grain here because I understand your hesitency with having your Future Sister-In-Law there if she’s nothing but drama and redirects the conversation to herself.
I wouldn’t want her there either.
However, I also see the points pps made about making your in laws feel comfortable. This is also a decision that could impact your relationship with them.
I get it but the bees have made good points.
Post # 7
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
Let her come. If it helps (or even distracts) from the awkward dynamic that might be a good thing. And do you really want to make your Future Mother-In-Law even more anxious by refusing her request to have her daughter there? Invite the Future Sister-In-Law and don’t sweat the rest.
Post # 8
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
My parents are the awkward ones and about to meet FH’s soon. We’ve been dating 4 years so this is WAY overdue… I get why you feel she’s unneccessary to the situation, but you must also feel alot of pressure to show everyone a good time? If SIL can diffuse some of that pressure, why not let her be there? If she’s friendly and generally has interesting things to contribute to a conversation, she’ll be a big help to you and Fiance. However, if she’s chatty but has nothing of substance to add, well… that’s a good reason to say no, thanks…
Post # 9
Member
9569 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I actually think having her there will be better. She can dominate the conversation as she does, your in-laws won’t be offended they don’t get a word in because it’s their daughter and your parents can focus on responding to her because that’s the conversation at hand, by her design.
I much prefer when my brother and his girlfriend are at our family gatherings for the same reason… Our parents personalities are oil and water, so to speak. (It’s legitimately painful to watch them be in the same room. We now limit that to Christmas dinner and literally nothing else cus of how painful it is.)
Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
I am going to go against the grain and say no. This is a meeting of the parents, not a family meeting. If you would like to do something like drinks and desserts to include all siblings that is one thing, but having that kind of negativity tag along to make your future Mother-In-Law a bit more seems extreme. Ask mom to keep it to a 2 beer max for the first meeting. Sometimes the spotlight has to be on you, and this is one of the times. Your parents are not interested in meeting your future SIL right now they are interested in meeting his parents. Her overwhelming personality may cause your mom to drink more and then it’s going to go bad really quick.
Post # 11
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
If it makes Mother-In-Law feel more comfortable, then why not? I hate being thrown in uncomfortable siutations and like a “buffer” there sometimes too… especially a more outgoing talkative buffer that can break the tension if I can’t. They’re going to meet whether or not SIL is there, so I dont see the big deal, it’s not like you knwo they will meet, hit it off and just be comfortable around each other. SIL is part of the ‘family’ too imo, so what’s the harm in your parents getting to knwo her better too.
Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
It’s a little strange to me that she wants to come so badly, but it may actually help your case rather than harm it. Even if she’s a little abrasive it might ease the tension on the parents because they won’t be the constant centre of focus.
I’m an introvert and I like having a bigger, less formal events for meeting people for the first time. Then it’s more like mingling rather than intense one-on-one where you feel under pressure to keep conversation going constantly.
Post # 13
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
I’m against the grain, too. The purpose of the parents meeting is so they get to know each other, right? I don’t see how they will get to know each other with SIL dominating the conversation. Having a buffer there is going to buffer the parents from actually interacting. If she’s that keen to come, could you arrange another social in a few weeks?
Also, do you have siblings? Our does Fiance have other siblings? It would be weird to just include one sibling and leave others out.
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