- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
So my engagement to Fiance has been many a problem on my parents’ side recently.
My parents are Indian, and they believe in arranged marriages. Since I didn’t want this, and I was dating my Fiance pretty young (17 years old), I ended up leaving home and got engaged in July of last year. It’s been two years since all of that has happened now, and Fiance and I live together. My parents also say that since they have no “confirmation” (aka meeting FI’s parents), it’s easier for Fiance to break up with me/run away, etc. and it will bring shame to me because I’m a woman.
My parents have not met FI’s parents yet. And this is my doing. I don’t want them to meet for a few reasons:
1. The culture difference. My FI’s dad is Chinese and his mom is 7th generation Canadian, but they are both fairly Westernized. They look at arranged marriage with disgust. I fully support them on that though.
2. I’m only 19 and Fiance is 20. We don’t need to be talking marriage anytime soon. Even though we are engaged, it was mostly for my family’s sake. We do know that we will get married in the future (2-3 years or so), but we didn’t really find the need to be engaged anytime soon. We did it for some closure on my family’s end. I feel like if my parents start bringing up marriage with FI’s parents, FI’s parents will be incredibly confused. They know we’re engaged as well but they are of the same mindset as us, that we need to finish university before even considering marriage.
3. My father barely knows English, and he can be quite loud at times. I feel like he may scare my FI’s parents with the way he talks, as he also doesn’t have much of a filter. He doesn’t curse or anything, but he also has very specific ways of thinking. Right now he keeps thinking I’m “hiding” FI’s parents from my family and is accusing me of being unreasonable, and I KNOW he will tell FI’s parents this.
4. My FI’s parents are quite liberal, in the sense that since we’re young, we should enjoy life, go partying, drink a little, etc. Fiance and I don’t drink, smoke, or party (personal choice), but I feel like if FI’s parents bring that up, my parents are going to disagree and say that these years are for school and preparing for the future.
5. I can’t describe how depressed this makes me. Any time I think about this situation I burst into tears and I’ve been trying hard to keep this problem away from the Bee but I feel like I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t concentrate on school anymore because of how depressed this makes me.
6. My parents are fairly strict Christians, whereas FI’s parents are Taoist and Anglican, but they aren’t really practicing their religion too much.
7. I recently told my parents that FI’s parents put FI’s room up for rent since he moved into university residence with me and my parents are outraged that they would give up FI’s bedroom to a stranger. I explained they did it because they need the money, but my parents still find that unreasonable. My parents were poor as well for years and I feel like they’ve forgotten how hard it is to provide for their family (they’re a lot better off now).
I just need advice as to what to do. And I wonder if any other bees have gone through something similar? I’m just at the point of giving up and locking both sets of parents in a room or something. If my parents don’t approve of FI’s parents they will gripe for the rest of their lives to me and Fiance.
Thanks for any help!