Parents, money and weddings: how did your conversation go?

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 31
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

We paid for the wedding ourselves.  About a month before the wedding his mom and step dad gifted us some money and my parents also gave us some after. Worked out perfectly.

Post # 32
Member
1923 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

They’ll bring it up. Just wait and let them.

Post # 33
Member
411 posts
Helper bee

It depends on your relationship with your parents, but if they funded your brother’s wedding, I think its safe to assume they’ll contribute to yours. They’ll probably bring it up to you first.  I don’t remember if it was ever really discussed, it was just understand that my parents would host the wedding. They chose pretty much everything-venue, food, music, flowers-and I put in some input here and there and picked my own dress.We don’t discuss finances in my family either, andI don’t know how much my wedding cost

Post # 34
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

apresallday :  My sister got married first, so she got to have that conversation! I got the same amount of money. There weren’t any strings, which was great. My parents only had a few requests, which we accommodated.

 

Post # 35
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2017

This is an interesting discussion, and I agree that any parent wanting to contribute will bring it up themselves after the engagement. When we got engaged, my fiance’s parents wrote us a check for $X and gave it to us about a week afterward, before we’d even chosen a wedding date. They gave us the same amount of money they’d given my fiance’s brother 2 years ago for his wedding, and my fiance was expecting this check. My parents let me know they would like to “pay for the wedding”, but they (and I) am from a very small town, and none of us had any idea how much it would cost to get married in the city where my fiance and I live now. So, we called a few different venues and started to price options, and my mom finally said “we are thinking of writing you a check for $X, is that ok?” (and OF COURSE it was, any contribution is ok). In the end, my parents are paying the lion’s share, and we are contributing about what my fiance’s parents did. We are EXTREMELY lucky to be able to pay for this wedding in cash, since it’s gotten us discounts from literally all of our vendors. We are lucky beyond measure. Also, there are no strings attached, although everyone certainly makes their opinions known!

SN, we did take both sets of parents (separately) to dinner and a show to thank them. I think it’s important, no matter what your situation, to properly thank anyone who contributes to your wedding. 

Post # 36
Member
946 posts
Busy bee

We did not rely on their money. We felt that since it is a decision that we wanted to make by ourselves, we should be the one to cough up the money. It’d be a different issue if we didn’t want any celebration and they insisted (I’d ask them to pay then lol)

FI’s family is lower class and cannot afford their own rent, let alone paying for a party. I haven’t brought up the subject much, but I pretty much expect my family to give us a money gift on the day of the wedding to help with some of the expenses even though we have stated that we’re paying for everything ourselves. I have not included that into our budget since I don’t know how much that would be or if it would be given anyway.

I personally think it’s impossible and highly embarrassing for me to ask my parents for money to get married (to me it screams dependency on parents and not financially independent to even get married) so if I don’t have the cash, I would’ve delayed the wedding further. Or elope.

Post # 37
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee

Got engaged and the first time I went home (3 hours by plane) they told me I had $X to spend. I said thank you. That’s it!

Post # 38
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

chicagobride1209 :  not to derail, but hold up. Offering to pay cash gets you a discount? Please tell me more. Did you negotiate that or did vendors offer it? 

Also what does that even mean? What do people normally pay with?

Post # 39
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2017

curiouscat2017 :  When we started the wedding planning process, my fiance’s sister-in-law mentioned that they got lots of discounts paying vendors with actual physical dollar bills. No credit or debit cards. At the point of interviewing vendors, sometimes before or after their quote, we ask if they offer a discount for paying cash, and they have mostly been delighted to chop off anywhere from 5-10 percent of the total cost. I’ve noticed that the wedding industry, even in a place like Chicago, is dominated by small businesses or sole proprieters, and cash flow can be such a struggle for them, so I think they’re happy to have cash when they can get it! Our photographer drove over to our house to pick up his envelope of money himself, haha. 

Post # 40
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee

curiouscat2017 :  Oftentimes small businesses will take give a cash discount as they’re not paying a fee to the CC company and/or they don’t plan on reporting the money ie. they’ll give you 10% off because they don’t have to pay 20% to the IRS… 

Post # 41
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

They both offered what they were comfortable with giving us. 

His gave us $10K. 

Mine has given $22K thus far and probably $10K more to go. 

Post # 42
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

curiouscat2017 :  paying cash has got us to avoid paying tax on top of the amount. 

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