Post # 1
SO today my mom tried to argue a little with me on the way invites should be worded. I told her for the first time that we didn’t put either of our parents names on our invites and she seemed offended. She brought up the fact that she thought that I would have gone with the traditional route and have my parents names on the invites. I then explained that I don’t think it is 100% the way people go when the couple is paying instead of the parents. Then she went on to argue with me and told me that she has read that it doesn’t matter who is paying that is the way you should have the wording.
My question to the ladies that are paying for the wedding themselves is how did you word your invites? Everyone else, do you think it matters if the parents names aren’t listed if they aren’t paying for the wedding?
This convo really just got me thinking and wondering what most people do.
Post # 3
i dont know I anticipate having the same problem. My mom isn’t contributing at all; costs are being split between FI’s parents and us and i would like to acknowledge his parents on the invite. I dont want to say
“together with their parents…..” cause it’s disengenuous and it’s not both sets of parents who are contributing/hosting
but if I say “together with FI’s parents” Im pretty sure my mom will pitch an attitude and feel left out.
If I put no parents, Im sure FI’s parents will pitch an attitude.
I think most people dont put “together with parents” if the parents aren’t paying/contributing
Post # 4
I ended up doing “rachiecakes, daughter of mr. & mrs. rachiecakes & mr. rachiecakes son of…” on ours… so far only my parents have contributed. (wedding is in a few weeks and though mr’s mom expressed that she wanted to help, hasn’t) Oh well, at least they’re both on there so they can’t fight about it and I don’t have to deal with that.
Post # 5
the way it’s supposed to be is whoever pays (or pays the most) gets their name on the invites. Both of our families are paying as well as us so we are saying “together with our families”.
Post # 6
I didn’t have my parents or DH’s parents names on our invitations. I didn’t think they were going to pay at all, but in the end they ended up helping us out! My parents are divorced though and have significant others and different last names so I didn’t want all of that on the invite anyways.
Post # 7
daughter of Mr and Mrs So and So
son of Mr and Mrs So and So
request the honor of your company, etc.
We are paying for it ourselves and we would have done it the same way if one or both of the sets of parents were contributing. I think its nice to honor the parents that way. But the way you did it is correct. You can find plenty of ‘etiquette’ experts to back you up, including Emily Post. So feel free to tell your Mom she’s wrong!
Post # 8
My parents are paying for roughly half of our wedding. FI’s parents are picking up a few things here and there and we are paying for the rest. Both sets of parents will be named on our invitation. Even if we were footing the entire bill ourselves, we would still list them out of respect (but maybe just as daughter of and son of).
Here is how we are wording our invite…
Together with their parents,
Mr. & Mrs. Brides Parents
Mr. & Mrs. Grooms Parents,
invite you to join them blah blah blah…
Post # 9
hmm very interesting! I have no idea what we are going to do. Both of us come from divorced families. Both of our mother’s are helping us pay for the wedding but our father’s aren’t. I would have no clue what to even say..so we might just stick with our names!
Post # 10
We’re paying for 99% of ours, and we have step-parents, single parents so it would be difficult. Ours read:
Together with their parents
Mr. Hottie Bottie and Miss Lucky to have Hottie Bottie request the pleasure of…blah blah 🙂
Post # 11
Good question. *bookmarked*
Post # 12
We paid for about 85% of our wedding on our own so we didn’t put any of our parents names on the invite even though all parents contributed some money to the wedding. I have divorced parents, one who is remarried so it would have been difficult to put everything on the invite and my parents didn’t care either way.
Post # 13
We are paying for 100% of our wedding but we still put both of our parents names on the invites. After all, it just seemed traditional and we both wanted to honor our parents. Plus, in our situation it was that our parents really couldn’t contribute, so we didn’t want to hurt their feelings on that subject.
Post # 14
Not that I don’t love my parents… but no one offered a helping hand, which unnecessary but still would be graciously appreciated. In fact, my mother specifically told me she wouldn’t (she thinks I should marry some well off Lieutenant in the military)– But, because my FH and myself are paying for this ALL ourselves we are putting this on the invites:
TOGETHER WITH OUR FAMILIES
REQUEST THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY
AS WE JOIN IN MARRIAGE
and so on, and so forth…..
I’m sure you love your mom, but you have every right to not put their names. But its your, wedding so its always up to you.
Post # 15
We are paying for everything ourselves with not help from parents, but we are putting all parents names on the invite. They have done so much for us over their years, its a small way to honor them that doesnt cost us a penny extra
Post # 16
we used… “together with their families”. fi and i are paying for 85 percent of the wedding…. neither of our parents really cared though.