(Closed) Parents Names on Invites

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think the way you did it is fine, I think you are right that it looks better balanced the way you did it.

Post # 4
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t see it as being disrespectful at all but I would definitely talk to your dad before you order the rest of the invitations to see what he thinks about it! 

Post # 5
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I come from a divorced family too and to avoid drama I used “together with their families, blah blah blah” instead of actual parents names.  Just a thought.

Post # 6
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

To nix this problem we simply put, So and So “together with their families…” If your wedding is on the casual side this option seems a good compromise.

Post # 7
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

i don’t think it’s disrespectful but I’d show your dad and check his reaction. 

Post # 9
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all your invite doesn’t have to be balanced it just has to be in a respectful order.

I was in a similar situation.

My Fiance parents are paying heaps towards to wedding. My parents are both remarried and are each paying for their sides of the family to attend. To get around this issue I’m having three types of wording. The main part of the invites are is the same but the order of the names are changed depending who the invite is being sent to. Its easily done and its only costing us $50.00 extra to have this done.

This way everyone is honoured and no one is disrepected.

It could be an option for you to look into?

Post # 10
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would change it to:

Randy Wallace and Mary & Gary Smith

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage celebration of their daughter

Jane Marie Wallace

and

John Allan Gray

son of Patricia Gray & the late William Gray…

Post # 11
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee

What do they think is disrespectful about what you have written? At the most “proper” traditional social events, the name of the one primary hostess appears alone, or at most with the name of her husband; and no other names from the de-facto hospitality committee, or from the major funders, are included. Traditional formal social invitations never have a lady’s name written alongside a gentleman’s name unless she is married to him.

However, if it is truly traditional and formal, then the names appearing on the invitation would normally include their honourifics, and — contrary to the uninformed advice you often get from  people who do not truly understand the limitations of the “ladies first” rule — the hostess’s husband’s name comes first. In your situation I think you are right to swap around your mother’s name with her husband’s, though, as I can understand it might be particularly galling to your father for your stepfather’s name to be the first thing your guests read.

Is the cross at the end of William Gray’s name intentional, to indicate that he was a priest or deacon? If so, that form is properly used only by the cleric himself as part of his signture; his status is indicated informal correspondence by the title “Reverend”. If it is to indicate that he is no longer alive, it would be better indicated by “the late Mr William Gray”. Properly, this would go after the groom’s name (i.e. “son of the late Mr William Gray”) to avoid the suggestion that a deceased person will be standing in the receiving line when the guests arrive.

And formal correspondence traditionally writes out words like “and” rather than using an abbreviation or a symbol like the ampersand.

Post # 15
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with other PP, I’d just put together with their families. I’m having to do this for my own because my particular family situation is messed up. :-/

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