Post # 1
So, both me and FI’s parents are divorced, my mom is remarried but my dad never remarried. FI’s mom never remarried and his dad passed away.
I just got my inviation proofs and I showed them to my mom and stepdad and they feel like my dad will be hurt because this is how I have it:
Mary Smith & Gary Smith
Patricia Gray & William Gray+
Basically my dad is in the middle of my mom and her husband (on top) and then my FI’s parents on bottom. I thought about putting my dad’s name on top but I think it might look off balance. And I alrady checked with my Fiance about putting his deaseased dad’s name, he said he nor his mom minds.
What do you think? Do you think this is disrespectful towards my dad?
Post # 3
I think the way you did it is fine, I think you are right that it looks better balanced the way you did it.
Post # 4
I don’t see it as being disrespectful at all but I would definitely talk to your dad before you order the rest of the invitations to see what he thinks about it!
Post # 5
I come from a divorced family too and to avoid drama I used “together with their families, blah blah blah” instead of actual parents names. Just a thought.
Post # 6
To nix this problem we simply put, So and So “together with their families…” If your wedding is on the casual side this option seems a good compromise.
Post # 7
i don’t think it’s disrespectful but I’d show your dad and check his reaction.
Post # 8
This is a very formal and very traditional wedding in mexico, Im not sure I can leave their names out. sucks, it’s not like I chose to have 3 parents…not that I don’t appreciate them.
Post # 9
First of all your invite doesn’t have to be balanced it just has to be in a respectful order.
I was in a similar situation.
My Fiance parents are paying heaps towards to wedding. My parents are both remarried and are each paying for their sides of the family to attend. To get around this issue I’m having three types of wording. The main part of the invites are is the same but the order of the names are changed depending who the invite is being sent to. Its easily done and its only costing us $50.00 extra to have this done.
This way everyone is honoured and no one is disrepected.
It could be an option for you to look into?
Post # 10
I would change it to:
Randy Wallace and Mary & Gary Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage celebration of their daughter
Jane Marie Wallace
John Allan Gray
son of Patricia Gray & the late William Gray…
Post # 11
What do they think is disrespectful about what you have written? At the most “proper” traditional social events, the name of the one primary hostess appears alone, or at most with the name of her husband; and no other names from the de-facto hospitality committee, or from the major funders, are included. Traditional formal social invitations never have a lady’s name written alongside a gentleman’s name unless she is married to him.
However, if it is truly traditional and formal, then the names appearing on the invitation would normally include their honourifics, and — contrary to the uninformed advice you often get from people who do not truly understand the limitations of the “ladies first” rule — the hostess’s husband’s name comes first. In your situation I think you are right to swap around your mother’s name with her husband’s, though, as I can understand it might be particularly galling to your father for your stepfather’s name to be the first thing your guests read.
Is the cross at the end of William Gray’s name intentional, to indicate that he was a priest or deacon? If so, that form is properly used only by the cleric himself as part of his signture; his status is indicated informal correspondence by the title “Reverend”. If it is to indicate that he is no longer alive, it would be better indicated by “the late Mr William Gray”. Properly, this would go after the groom’s name (i.e. “son of the late Mr William Gray”) to avoid the suggestion that a deceased person will be standing in the receiving line when the guests arrive.
And formal correspondence traditionally writes out words like “and” rather than using an abbreviation or a symbol like the ampersand.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone, your imput helps alot. It makes sense that sometimes you need to break the rules to make everyone happy.
I think I came up with a solution that involves ommitting my FI’s deceased father, whome was divorced from his mother when he died and whom he never knew, so I think in this case tradition can be broken. And since my parents have already volunteered to come in 2nd on the list, I think this might work as well as keep the balance without having me reformatt my entire invitation. I do like simplified bried’s suggestion but It would overhaul the project at this point.
What do you think of this:
Mary Smith & Gary Smith
Post # 13
Yeah, my stepdad even volunteered to take his name OFF all together, but I thought that was going a little too far being since he took over supporting me at 12 years old and has put up with me and my brothers who are not his biologicval children for so many years. I really dont’ think my dad himself would be hurt at all, but I think my parents are just being overly sensitive towards him and also torwars how his family might feel when they open the inviations.
Post # 14
I’m just gonna give it a shot…see how everyone feels.
Post # 15
I agree with other PP, I’d just put together with their families. I’m having to do this for my own because my particular family situation is messed up. :-/