Post # 1
My Future Mother-In-Law has her heart set on having the parent’s names on the invitations, but both sets of parent’s are not really contributing anything to the wedding. So what do I do. My Future Brother-In-Law recently had his wedding, and she (FMIL) commented to me about how she didn’t like the wording, "Together with their Parents..," then proceeded to ask me "You are putting the parent’s names on the invite right?" I just stood there speechless. Anyhow, so what should I do bees?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2007 - The PPG Aquarium at the Pittsburgh Zoo
Traditionally, the ones who are hosting (and paying) for the event are the ones who get their name on the invitation. Since you’re paying the there shouldn’t be any reason for her to want her name on the invitation other than just wanting recognition that you may feel she doesn’t deserve.
If you’re set on not having her name on your invitation have your fiance be the bad guy to preserve the peace. It’s your (colletive) dime, so whatever you say goes.
Post # 4
neither of our parents contributed to the wedding, but we still felt that it was important to have their names on the invitations… we had our names first, then "together with their parents, w & x, y & z,…."
in my opinion, outside of brides like us who have become all too aware of what the wording on an invitation means, the majority of the people invited to the wedding will not know the significance of whose name where means what, so I think it’s only respectful to have the parents’ names included (unless you really do not have a great relationship with them…)
Post # 5
I can understand your reasoning, and for me, the problem was that both of our sets of parents were divorced, and we were worried about their names filling the invite. In the end, we did the same thing as nashgirl, our names then theirs. It worked out well for some people who knew me through my stepdad, but didn’t know my last name, people who may have declined for that reason.
I say have a heart-to-heart with your SO and then support him in being the Bearer of Bad News, if need be.
Post # 6
What do you feel comfortable with? Our parents didn’t contribute but we put their names on the invitation just to honor them. We worded it as
"Together with their parents
Mrs. snow pea’s mom
and Mr and Mrs. snow pea’s parents
Miss Snow Pea
Mr. Snow Pea
invite you…etc etc"
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
My parents are footing about 2/3 of the bill, FI’s parents are paying for Rehearsal Dinner, and we still chose to go with "together with their families". We understood that this wasnt the etiquitte, but ultimately we didnt care, and neither did my parents.
I think you should have a heart to heart with your Fiance and decide between the two of you. Personally, I would be insulted to think that my parents wouldnt contribute to my wedding but would still want to "take credit" for it…but every family is different. Ultimately it is up to you and your fiance…and I guess one nice thing to remember is that they are just words…but I think its YOUR money and YOU get to make the call…there is not much room for argument.
Post # 8
If you don’t want it to seem like your parents are contributing, but still want to put on their names, you could write
Your name, daughter of Mr and Mrs. X
and Fiance’s name, son of Mr. and Mrs. Y invite you to celebrate…
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! Funny thing is, today I am at my FIL’s house looking at old pictures (trying to collect for the slideshow) and came upon THEIR invitation and to my surprise was the wording did not include their parents names…shocker.
I may go the route of nashgirl’s, snowpea’s, and ek’s. Thanks again everyone!
Post # 10
"Ms. LM and Mr. LM
together with their families
invite you etc. "
We didn’t specify parents names…
Post # 11
i love EK’s suggestion, seems like a classy way to do things without giving undue recognition or hurting anyone’s feelings…
miss snow pea, your wording is what we’re considering, because we’re paying for half of the wedding, and our parents are paying for the other half collectively. so we definitely want their names on the invitation, but…
when i write it all out, it looks like so many names! can you post a photo of your invite / or direct me to a post you’ve already done showing your invite? (i’d like to see examples from any other readers who did it this way as well)…
Post # 12
We did what EK suggested. Partly ’cause we paid for it all ourselves, so the whole "together with" or anything else implying that the parents were hosting wasn’t really appropriate (tho’ we really didn’t CARE about what people thought of that — really, how is it anyone’s business other than the bride and groom and their families’ who’s paying?…I just thought of that…). Partly b/c some people (older and/or more distant relatives or ones who are just generally a little ditzy) might not know who we were w/o our parents names on there.
This gets challenging if anyone’s parents are divorced and remarried ’cause then you’re not really "daughter of" or "son of."