(Closed) Parents not attending they’re daughter’s wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m really sorry this is happening to you.  The thing is, when people are THAT entrenched in their ways and believe as they do that strongly, they may not come around to being accepting of you.  Let’s say you and your Fiance get married in the Catholic church….they’re going to also make demands about baptisms and confirmations and etc etc etc down the road.  But, it seems like this may be still somewhat new information to your parents and they’re having a hard time processing it, so I’m going to keep my fingers crossed that if you keep making your feelings clear they will at least ease up on trying to ‘convert’ you.

So my best advice is now 1. see if there can be a compromise like getting it blessed by the church (only if you’re willing of course), and then 2. telling them how much an ultimatum like that hurts you and makes you feel unloved and may even turn you further from the church as an organization, and then 3. if all else fails, start learning to accept that you can’t change them any more than they can change you.  You can throw away things they mail. You can say if they bring up religion that you will stop talking to them or hang up the phone or you can grin and bear it and realize it’s just them talking and doesn’t determine how you live your life.  Or some combination of that–whatever you find works for you (and hopefully allows you to keep some relationship with them).  

 

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow, that’s heartbreaking. The only thing you can do is let them know you’d really like them to attend but you’re old enough to make your own decisions in life. God teaches us not to judge others. I hope they come around and realizing how unaccepting they’re being. 

Post # 5
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My parents are Christian and I was raised as such. However, I am Atheist (and have been for a long time) and my Fiance is agnostic. I’m getting married using a non-religious ceremony in May, I know my parents would love for me to have a religious ceremony but it’s me who’s getting married, not them, and they are so pleased I’m happily getting married that they are going along with it and haven’t complained at all.I think it’s very sad that your parents are putting their wishes for your wedding above what you want.

Putting myself in your shoes, I wouldn’t change the wedding for them, because I feel very strongly about wanting a non-religious ceremony. I think I would say to them that the wedding will be happening in the way me and my FI want it to happen, and that I hope seeing as I’m so happy that they can put this aside for that one day and just be happy that their child is getting married. I would explain that I really want them there, but only if they agree to behave themselves (judging by what you’ve said I wouldn’t put it past them to cause a scene on the day), and that I’ll be really upset if they don’t come, but that it’s their choice, just like the way you get married is your choice!

Maybe if it was something small like the colour of the table runners or something I’d say just let them have their way to keep them happy. But this is a much bigger request for them to make, and they are not just trying to force their beliefs on you, but also on your Fiance.

I hope they come round. <hugs>

Post # 6
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Hi there,

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Do you think that you could perhaps strike a happy medium with them?

Maybe have a JOP marry you, but throw in the occasional bible verse that just doesn’t use “God” specifically? 

I’m profoundly atheist, so I don’t know the bible up and down…but maybe you could find some “ambiguous” lines from it. That way your parents get the religion that they want, and you still feel like you’re getting married in the eyes of your husband and yourself- and not “God’s eyes.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is always at weddings, and to the best of my knowledge doesn’t mention God. 

Keep us updated! I’m sure you will figure out a solution eventually.

🙂

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