(Closed) Parents not footing the bill, but want control of the guest list.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You’re paying for it and it’s your party, so to speak. Invite whoever you want! Your Mom is an adult and as adults we sometimes must be in the company of those we do not care for. As adults, we deal with it.

Post # 4
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Tell your mom that you would be really sad if you couldn’t have all of the people you loved at your wedding. Your wedding transcends a family tiff and years down the line when the fight is over, everyone will be glad that they were able to experience your wedding together. Then ask her if she would please put the fight aside for the wedding so that your day can be happy.

Post # 5
39 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

@silencio: I think taking any money from them kind of muddies the waters.  Ultimately, if it would cause that big of a problem, I would tell my mom that I wouldn’t be taking her money and would be 100% in control of the guest list. 

When you have taken their money, it does give them some (definitely not all, or even close to it though) control.

I’m a bit of a hard ass, and would tell my mom that she could come or not, that the decision was up to her.  But I know that doesn’t fly in all families.

Post # 6
35 posts

Return mom’s money and invite the people you love, I did not do this myself but I wish that I had.

Post # 7
46611 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As you have already stated that you and your Fiance have decided not to accept money form her , you have taken the first step.

One of the challenges we have to conquer in maturing as adults is to learn to stand up to our parents.

Simply tell your Mom that you are making all decisions about the wedding as a couple.

Post # 8
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

All of our parents gave a little for our wedding but NONE had any say in the guestlist. Thankfully I have a very grounded mom that was totally supportive & pretty much said that money does not change the fact the it’s My & My FI’s day and we should make the decisions…. she also told me that she’s for EVERYONE eloping as weddings are WAY too expensive and end up being about things that they shouldn’t even be about. lol

I would simple put your foot down now and PRAY for your mom! that the junk in her heart thats keeping her from being happy about this would get worked out and that until it does you can love and honor her like you should with still holding your ground and not letting her get to you no matter HOW she acts.

I’m sure in the end.. on the day of she will be on good behavior and not want to cause a scene infront of “new” family just as much as you don’t want her to. 😉

Post # 10
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

There is always the option of just dodging the issue when they ask questions about the wedding. If you feel they’ll try to control it, just say “we’re putting the $2K towards ‘X'” (obviously, something relatively unimportant to you and independent of the guest list, like flowers/DJ/photog & videographer/etc.), and let them have their say about that, but DON’T EVEN TALK about anything else.

That said, $2K is 1/5 of our budget (and before we switched our plans, it would have been almost half!), so I don’t think it’s anything to scoff at!

ETA: Just read your reply saying that you aren’t taking the $2K. In that case, yeah, just don’t even discuss the wedding details. : D

The topic ‘Parents not footing the bill, but want control of the guest list.’ is closed to new replies.

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