- 5 years ago
My Pakistani Parents are not happy with my 6 year gf for marrying her. I’ve 2 divorced siblings in the family, bro n sis (have a niece too). My pakistani gf has met all of them, as a capacity of just a friend when i knew her as just that and then love developed between us and i told the family of my intention to marry her. My parents dont like her family for reasons of financial and social status. They think the girl is after ‘my or ‘family’ money, manipulated me and her family is dodgy. Since it is MY decision and not THEIR decision with their expereince in life, they can tell she is not a good fit for me. They also say that since she is dating me, stays out late, wears western clothes, she is a bad girl. All that is far from reality. I’ve never met a single person who has ever said a single negative comment about her or her family. She and I, we have limits set to abide by our religion, which means, no alcohol or sex. Both virgins. We’re both trust, love, respect each other and are very happy with each other.
All together it’s been 6 years and we’re ready to get married (like NOW). In all this time, lots of drama took place at home with other sibling divorces. Both of them were arranged marries as it is common in pakistani culture. None of their weddings work mainly due to no common grounds or understanding or love between the couples. I obviously don’t want to go through that and prefer to marry someone i know, trust and love.
It seems I’ve created a monster at both ends, my gf is emotionally hurt in the process everytime ive told her what my family thinks of her and why they’re not agreeing. So if i look into future, i see my gf having NO respect for parents and parents having NO acceptance or love of my gf, like ever. My parents dont think they will ever get along with her parents. I’ve been put in a position to PICK one (the gf or family) – why would any parent make their children pick them over anyone, is beyond me. To me this is more emotionally blackmail. I consider all this horrible, unacceptable and hurts me.
I dont believe in secret engagements or weddings because its not like i’m doing anything wrong by religion or even the modern pakistani culture. I’m a humble, down to earth guy, wants harmony in families, and have tried to reason with parents, waited for patience. Now i feel this has come tooo far. I’m 32 and mf gf is 29 now. If i get engaged withouth them, i know it will hurt them a lot to a point that they may have a stroke or heartattack! This is how worried it makes me. They will not show up at the wedding or any of the relatives as most of them are international and getting them to attend has to be parental affiar. I’m constantly in stress to a point of full out crying out of hopelessness (its embarassing to admit but point it, im exhausted to trying to reason with them, having other family & close family-friends reason with them).
I make enough money to support myself and have a family, pay for my wedding. I just want their blessing, love and acceptance. I would’ve moved out of my parents house a long time ago but didnt to prove them wrong that my gf or her family is not taking me away from them. Having said all of the above, i dont see any way how my n my gf, future wife to be, live with them in the same house (btw living in same house is common in pakistani culture). Let’s not forget, i have a divorced sister in the house too. So i’ve decided to move out. My parents are taking this as the last point of contact and never to speak to me ever again. I’m so torn and dont see how i can (a) get engaged, (b) get married, (c) have everyone live happily ever after.
Your feedback and advises will be appreciated.