Post # 1
I am an only child and my parents gave me $1000 for the dress, which was nice. My FI’s parents haven’t contributed at all-his mom couldn’t afford to, which is fine, and his dad definitely could afford it and seems to have offered, but FI said it was ambiguous.
RIght after the wedding my parents are going on a trip to NY (since they can’t afford Europe this year, as my mom says), and they always stay in relatively expensive places, while fi and i live hand to mouth in order to fund what is actually a cheap wedding <7k.
I’m kind of depressed about it; that my parents won’t help pay more for a wedding that is mostly for their friends, yet can afford to go galavanting about all the time (they just came back from Hawaii, too).
It makes me want to elope. Thanks for letting me blow off steam; I’m being bratty and spoiled, I guess.
Post # 3
@Cordellia: if your parents aren’t paying you dont have to invite their friends. You don’t decide how your parents spend their money and they don’t decide how you spend yours. That’s how it works.
Post # 4
@Cordellia: They raised their kid – time for them to have fun and spend their money any way they want. Also – retirement is a HUGE factor for a lot of people who have kids old enough to get married. Many of them can’t sign over a check for 10K….they have their own future to worry about.
I get where you’re coming from but maybe eloping is the best option – at least then you won’t have resentment
Post # 5
Honestly, I wouldn’t invite their friends- if I were paying for my entire wedding then I would invite people that I want to be there and maybe give my parents a few courtesy invites. How many of their friends are you currently planning on inviting?
Just remember that it’s not their wedding to pay for. But that also means they shouldn’t have free reign with the invites.
Post # 6
I’d elope..otherwise you might look back and always feel resentment and anger.
Post # 7
You don’t have to invite their friends if they aren’t paying. I would tell them “no” on that one. If they want a bunch of friends invited, they should offer to pay for them.
Also, eloping (or having a small DW or something) isn’t a bad idea sometimes!
Post # 8
We live paycheck-to-paycheck too and my soon to be in-laws are always going someplace. They asked how we were doing the other day I told them I was super upset because the dryer broke and now it was going to the laundromat and the car needed a clutch etc. They didn’t say anything. My FI says they expect we will ask for money if we need it – maybe yours are the same?
“Mom do you think you could help us with (food, invitations etc)” Maybe remind her that she said she would help and did she forget! 🙂
Post # 9
BTW – LOVE the name Cordellia
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
You have a few options here. My favorite is cancelling the wedding and eloping just the two of you. I know that’s not always an option.
The second is to put your foot down and only invite the people you can afford to invite, parents’ friends be damned. Don’t give them the option of paying per person because you will either get left holding the check when they later refuse to pay OR they will only pay enough to cover food and none of the other expenses that come with adding to your guestlist (more cake, more booze, more tables & chairs, more linens, more centerpieces, etc…..)
I wouldn’t even ask for a list from them if you know you can’t accommodate extras. If they force one on you request that it be listed in order of importance with the most important at the top and least at the bottom so you can try to accommodate them if there is room on the guest list.
Post # 11
@Cordellia: sorry, but your parents aren’t obligated in any way to spend their money on you. You’re an adult and should be responsible for having the wedding you can afford. It’s not any of your business how your parents choose to spend their money. If you’re old enough to be married, you’re old enough to deal with your own financial troubles and stop looking to your parents for help.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Don’t invite their friends.
Post # 13
Who says you have to invite their guests? Invite only those people you truly wish to be part of your special day. Parents have no say when they are not contributing to costs.
Post # 14
Don’t invite their friends. Don’t put their names on the invites. Explain all of this before hand and see what they say. Seriously tho, you’re the one getting married you should be paying for it. It’s their money, someday after you work hard and get ahead you can decide what to pay for concerning your children.
Post # 15
I have to agree with PPs on this – your parents are not obligated to give you money for your wedding. But I also think that you are not obligated to invite their friends if you cannot afford it. Perhaps they would be willing to kick in the extra $$ to invite those people if you tell them you cannot afford to?
Post # 16
@Cordellia: we are also paying for our wedding entirely. My uncle has mentioned helping but like your FFIL it’s vague so I’m not counting on it. As a result, the only friends of parents we are inviting are people WE feel close to. You are under no obligation to invite THEIR friends to YOUR wedding. They want a big party with their friends? They should throw one.