Post # 1
Originally posted in Bridesmaid or Best Man category but can’t figure out how to change so reposting.
OK so I need to feel like I’m not taking crazy pills. This question has a couple of parts so please bear with me (I’ve been stewing about this stuff for a while). My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding ourselves (both his parents and my mom are not in the right financial position to pay for a 12-14k wedding). This is TOTALLY fine with both of us. However, both sides make little comments about who we should invite (think my grandmother’s sister who I haven’t talked to in 15 years) After telling them that we have a strict limit of 120 guests (who we have already decided on), they then offer to pay the cost per head of the uninvited guests, making us feel cheap for not shelling out the cash in the first place.
They are also fairly opinionated about what we should do in terms of tradition (my mother is adamant that my wedding just wouldn’t be the same without a garter toss). My Fiance and I are not into cheesy traditions like the garter toss, chicken dance, electric slide, etc. Personally, I am a firm believer that wedding guests just want to get fed, drink and dance and not have to sit for 30 minutes while we go through some silly tradition that was concocted in the early 90’s.
Lastly (I promise), we were thinking of having a family style table (a huge rectangle that 15 of our closest family members sit around) in middle of all the round tables. The table will be comprised of my Fiance and I, parents, grandparents, special aunts/uncles, etc. As soon as I mentioned this to my mother, she immediately said she didn’t want to sit there, that she wanted to sit with her boyfriend of 6 months. Are you kidding me?! I understand that he will know only a handful of people but in all honesty, I don’t care. I know it sounds terrible but he is the least of my worries with all the planning/prep going on.
Am I in the wrong here? It is our special day and our money. I don’t understand why family thinks they have the right to dictate how our wedding should go and what it should and should not contain. And I know it’s just as easy to tell them to butt out but I also don’t want feelings to get hurt. Please tell me how I should approach this delicate situation.
Post # 3
Well, this kind of sounds exactly like what has been going on with me. We are paying for the wedding and have a tight budget of 12 – 14K. His parents keep telling us how easily we can not spend a lot of money and have a simple sweet wedding. However, they keep adding people to the list! We finally had to say, I am sorry but we can’t afford everyone if we keep adding people to the list. They even said we should just have mints nuts and cake! They told us we should have the wedding later so people would have had dinner. Are you serious? Are we in the 1950s?
The funny thing is they have money, but refuse to help pay a lot because they think weddings shouldn’t be about the party afterwards, but about the ceremony. Which I totally agree, but how can it not be about the party when you have to feed everyone!? Anyways, they kept adding people and then told me they would pay for the extra people. I would have agreed to it if they kept adding more and more but she only added 2 people and like you said I felt like I was being cheap or something.
I think if they continue to add more people let them pay! You are in control of this wedding not them! As far as the table for family, personally I would avoid any issues and just let the boyfriend sit with her. What harm willl it really do? This is the time for love and not fighting so pick your battles.
Hope this helps! Good luck! I know how stressful these conversations can be, but your paying not them! I have had to tell my parents no to a lot people they thought they should invite. Its your parents not a stranger they will get over it! 🙂
Post # 4
My money my say! Is what I tell people with opinions about what we should do. When people say oh you should add this person or have your wedding here or there. I say well we can certainly do that. Just plan and pay for the wedding you want let us know and we will show up but the real wedding will be what we decide and where. End of convo and people usually shut up after that. This includes my parents.
Post # 5
Darling Husband and I paid for the majority of our wedding ourselves. My parents chiped in about 8%, which the insisted on. They also surprised me and paid for my dress and my Dad paid for most of DH’s bachelor party. My parents had no opinions, the only thing they requested was going to the tasting, which they were going to go to anyway. They made it so easy.
However, and I don’t want to sound like a jerk because we expected nothing, DH’s dad gave us a hard time about paying for the rehearsal dinner after he offered to, because he didn’t want the guests to drink. My parents paid the alchohol portion of the bill that night. So DH’s dad paid $800 DH’s mom paid nothing. She didn’t even help do anything not for showers or the wedding, even though she would offer and not show up. They had SO MANY F-N opinions that it has essentially destroyed our relationship with them. Asking us to invite people we didn’t know, Mother-In-Law started a fight with me about seating charts on thanksgiving (I walked out and didn’t return), his father on the day of the wedding actually told me my dress made me look fat. MIL’s bf started a screaming match with her at our wedding and to top it all off his father showed up with 11 extra guests who we didn’t know 8 of them being children at our “no children” wedding. Then proceeded to sit them at a table that was assigned to other people. Get it in check now!
Post # 6
It’s your money and your wedding. You don’t want to look back and have regrets and resentment about not planning your wedding the way YOU wanted to. I hate it when people offer their opinions, especially when they are not contributing. Then they have the audacity to give criticism, and put their 2 cents in on who they want to/should invite, what food you should serve, etc etc.
Post # 7
i totally hear you girls. My future in laws wont shell out a dime for the wedding and wont give us a reason. Even though when we first got engaged they said that they would split the wedding with my mom. Now things have obviously changed and his mother especially complains that we are not including her because shes not contributing. I have invited her to every appointment and every consultation and she complains that im trying to cut her out of the wedding. I feel like me/FI and my mom are splitting the wedding half and half and i did the right thing by extending my hand and if she cant/doesnt want to participate i shouldnt have to reschedule for her because shes not helping/ contributing/ or even acting like she even wants us to get married.