(Closed) Parents not paying for wedding but still VERY opinionated

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh lady *HUG*

People are weird about weddings. Really werid about weddings. I told my mother I wasn’t having dancing at all and she said “But your father will be DEVASTED to not have a father-daughter dance” so I turned to my dad and said “really” and he said “Do I get to walk you down the aisle? yes? good, my job is done”

Just remind your mother as GENTLY as possible that she has been in your life for your ENTIRE life and so has that big table full of family. Her boyfriend is new to your life, and you’re happy he will be attending the wedding, but really on your wedding day you need to be surrounded by your family.

Good luck!!!

Post # 4
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with everything that you want and don’t find anything unreasonable about it. People just seem to have these ideas in their heads that they can’t/won’t shake off when it comes to weddings. I don’t personally understand all of the drama that surrounds these events or the way that it turns people into lunatics.

Hope you are able to resolve things.

Post # 5
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We paid for our wedding too, and I was waiting for it to be WWIII with my mother, but surprisingly, she was all for everything that we wanted to do or not do, and I loved being able to do some of the same Polish traditions that my family have done for generations.  So, we didn’t fight at all about the wedding, which shocked me.

I’m sorry your mom is acting this way, but I really think you need to put your foot down, and remind her whose wedding this is.  You are already at the max for guests, so no more will be added, under any circumstances. Again, this is your wedding, so you feel these traditions are not needed for YOUR wedding, and you are your FH, you know whose wedding it ACTUALLY is, have decided against it. As for seating, then tell her that if she would like to sit with her bf, then so be it, but she will miss out on special family bonding time at the family table.  Possibly remind her that wedding pics are forever, so keep that in mind as well.

I was pissed cuz a friend of mine literally snuck his flavor of the week in after the reception was well underway, and now that skank is in like 20 of my pics, cuz she just so happened to be wearing one of the colors, so the photogs thought she was sposed to be there! Ugh, I was, and still am, pissed, and bring it up to him to bust his balls, and will continue to do so. People just really don’ think about their actions,a nd the way they will shape the day

Post # 6
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I love all your ideas. They don’t have a right to dictate how you spend your money or create your day.

Maybe your mom is just trying to make your day perfect – what is perfect in her mind. Times have changed and weddings have changed dramatically. Maybe she just doesn’t understand this? I think other generations have this odd conception of what a wedding entails. SO and I aren’t doing the garter toss or bouquet toss or other “traditions”. They just have no meaning to us. I don’t want to feel like I am on a wedding conveyor belt – just checking off the traditions.Things like this I just wouldnt share with anyone prior to the wedding. This might halt some of the pre-wedding planning stress. And the day of, most probably won’t notice. As a guest, weddings always end up being a blur to me because your so busy catching up with people.

I don’t know. Not wanting to sit at the family table seems a little nutty.

Personally, I would put my foot down about the guest list. You chose the people you want to share the day with. Having people there that you haven’t seen in 20 years is odd to me. If it will start WWIII, then maybe let one or two additions slide – on a case by case basis.

I don’t understand why some family members start so much drama over weddings. It’s really about the bride and the groom sharing the day.

Fiance and I are paying for our wedding too. Luckily we havent had interfering family member drama. Instead we have the polar opposite. FI’s family is amazing. Mine is a mess. I only have my dad left. He has no interest. It’s mostly because of my step-mother. I don’t know what is worse – to much interest or none at all. I try to let it roll off my back, but this stuff can really get to you.

Post # 8
12 posts
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with you and everyone else… It’s YOUR wedding not theirs. That was a very hard concept for my mom to understand for awhile. My Fiance and I were planning on paying for everything ourselves, and had set aside a specific budget. When it came time to go look at venues and select caterers, my mom offered to pay for some, and then my dad said that they would pay for the venue and catering, but we had to pay for everything else. I didn’t want to accept at first because I knew that them paying would mean it would end up being what THEY wanted and not my Fiance and I. Boyyyy was I right! Every venue I selected was “too expensive” or “not right for the amount of money they are charging” or “too far,” “not in a good area” blah blah blah. None of the food was good enough.. and they started telling me opeople they wanted us to invite from their work/physical therapy/random people we don’t even know.

I finally had to put my foot down and tell my parents that, while I GREATLY appreciate the offer to help pay for our wedding, I couldn’t take it because it was putting too much stress on us to make decisions. After a long argument and my mom calling me ungrateful a couple of times, I think she finally got it. She didn’t have a big wedding, and wanted it to be perfect for me. So she was trying to do things that SHE thought were perfect, instead of considering our thoughts and feelings about the topic.

My Maid/Matron of Honor is letting her mom and Fiance plan her wedding next year because she “doesn’t care.” However, their guest list is spiraling out of control at over 300 guests as it is, and apparently people are still missing?! I don’t get it. Her mom seems to think that they can have a DIY wedding of that size for under $5k.. and it’s just not possible. If they do it, I will be AMAZED. She is already getting overwhelmed and they haven’t even picked a date yet!

Long story short. Your day. Your decisions. Your family needs to understand that.

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