(Closed) Parents of Bride/Groom Role Reversal? FIL paying bulk of expenses

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Are you hurt because you weren’t included in the bulk of the planning? or hurt because you could not afford to do what they are doing?  As far as I’m concerned you got the important stuff, the dress, preacher, flowers and decorations.  The venue is just a place to eat and talk.  I would talk to your daughter and tell her you want to be included.  Even if it is just to see what they are planning.  As for how the parents are relaying there information I think its probably normal.  My Father-In-Law is just waiting for me to tell him what to pay for.  My mom hasn’t called him to ask for anything.  But when it comes time for the food I will end up talking to him.  You might end up having to choose your battle and just suck it up.

Post # 4
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I think you’ll just have to bite your tongue when it comes to the planning. If anyone gets to plan (other than the bride, of course) it’s the person who’s got the most money invested. Personally, I would flip if someone tried to plan my wedding tother than me, but that’s probably not a common reaction.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Normally the person putting up the most money gets the most say in planning. Sorry, that’s to be expected.

Just try to be happy that your daughter is getting a lovely wedding and don’t make it about your feelings. It really doesn’t matter who is paying for what anyway.

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

The only reason this situation is different than the more traditional one is because your child is the bride- and its the bride that normally plan with the mom.  

I do think you need to ackowledge you have more of a back seat in this wedding when it comes to planning. However, I do think you could be more involved with the process, just not the final decision.

Tell your daughter. Not to add stress, but say something calmly and nicely. That you are so happy she is getting the wedding she wants, but would love to help out some more. Maybe ask your daughter over and help her with any projects? I am sure she could use help. What are the favors? Other decorations? Even if its searching online for the best necklace or bridesmaids gifts will get you more involved.  Help her do a trial run on her makeup. Be creative

Also, more flies with sugar than vinegar. Call the in laws. Tell them you are so grateful that they are able to help them get the wedding they deserve and want. Tell Future Mother-In-Law that her assistance has helped your daughter immensely. But, as a mom you were hoping she would understand the plight of a MOB and you would like to help in some way. 

 

My Future Mother-In-Law really wanted to be involved. She planned the rehearsal dinner like it was a mini wedding with place cards. Supreme care went into he menu, set up, invitations etc. I also asked her to arrange transportation and the room block. The responsibility made her feel important.

I also sent her emails with decisions I made and even asked her question I honestly didnt care about her answer, but to make her feel involved.

Post # 8
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Mine will be similar

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