(Closed) Parents of Groom Can't Attend Wedding

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Have you asked your Fi what his stance is?

I probably would never get married without my parents if I could help it. Maybe have two ceremonies, or postpone it until she has a firm answer and make a choice then.

This majorly sucks on all levels beyond the wedding. I hope she gets a positive report.

Post # 5
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If Fiance is ok with it then I would go ahead with the wedding as planned. I would just Skype the wedding for his parents or have a separate small ceremony in England.

Post # 7
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MathTeacher:  I think it would depend on how devastated your future Mother-In-Law would be.  Would she be OK with a reception/celebration party done in UK when she felt better and didn’t have to travel? 

Are you religious at all?  Could the UK one be a symbolic ceremony?  Not sure how you’ll find a real officiant to marry you again legally?  Or just make it a party?

My dad was not going to be able to make it to my wedding (he had esophageal cancer).  We all knew this.  My dad was not upset that he wouldn’t have made it, he was not in to weddings and was focusing on his illness.  I did not want to move it to his state if he didn’t care about it.  Later we ended up cancelling the wedding all together, but he was given 4-6 months to live (the wedding was in 5 months) so that was very hard to deal with.  We are glad we did cancel it.  He passed away a month before that wedding date.

However, I have a feeling your Future Mother-In-Law won’t be as lackadaisical as my dad was!

Post # 8
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MathTeacher:  I’ve never like the idea of two “weddings” (a la we got married at the JOP but we’re having our “actual” wedding next year… no your wedding is the day you say actually get married.  Sorry, pet peeve, I digress…).

But in this case, different countries, sick parents, etc do what you have to do.  Skyping them in to witness is a great idea!  And rather than have a vow renewal/add’l ceremony in his parents’ home country, can you simply have a reception to celebrate?  Perhaps you can create a slide-show/video of the actual wedding????

Post # 9
50 posts
Worker bee

Actually, my SO and I have the same (exact) issue that we’re talking through.

so fayh this is what we’ve come up with: Ceremony in America, with live stream for English mates/family. A reception (cocktail, smalimpending America.

we have to wait a year after marriage to travel abroad (as per the K-1/Change of Status route we’re taking), so in a year we’ll agave a second, smaller ceremony and we’re using it as a renewal of vows (this will help in the officiant issue, actually, followed by a HUGE party at his.


just suggestions from a fellow American girl with an English guy!

Post # 10
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My fiance is Israeli and I am American. We tried so hard to put together a wedding that everybody could be a part of, but in the end it just wasn’t possible.  After A LOT of frustration, we realized the best thing was to put on two weddings. Two ceremonies, two parties, the whole deal. Obviously within budget though.

It may not be the ideal situation, but there is only so much you do, and there is no way to be in two places at once. The second ceremony can still be exciting and fun, because for all of the people there, it’s the first time for them. Just enjoy that you get to celebrate twice! So long as your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t going to be heartbroken, I think it’s the way to go.

Post # 11
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@JemmaWRX:  I completely agree with your sentiments on two weddings. I think the day you say your vows and sign the papers will always be your wedding date. That’s the day you will celebrate every year. But you can still do it again for others, even if it’s not going to be “the date.”

Post # 13
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MathTeacher:  We’re also from two different countries and having two weddings. None of FI’s family will make our American wedding for visa/work purposes… so this one will be a few mutual friends, and a WHOLE lotta my family and friends. Our first celebration was 80% his people, though. Such is life when you married a foreigner!

I think you should procede with the American wedding and Skype his folks in, if you can.

Post # 14
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MathTeacher:  I’m really sorry, that’s awful news. Hope your Fiance is holding up too. 


As for the two weddings, you could contact friends in England and get help with things? They could make the cakes or help with venue dressing, maybe one could volunteer a garden for a reception? It’s all little things but every little thing helps. There’s no rule that says both weddings have to be big – and if your Future Mother-In-Law is sick maybe a smaller occasion would be better for her too?


Best wishes for all of you x

Post # 15
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


so sorry to hear this news and hoping your Future Mother-In-Law will be ok.

your wedding is still a few months away,alot can change,and hopefully it will for the better.

if Fiance parents cant come,i would still go through with the wedding in the US since its almost paid and i would have a ceremony in with the reception were my Fiance parents live to.that way both familys can attend on both sides.

i hope your Fiance mom will be ok and pull through it all♥

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