- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
So 2 years ago when me and my fiance first got engaged, and we realized how expensive weddings were, we decided that we’d only be able to afford a small wedding of about 75 people.
When I told my mom about this, she didn’t really say anything.
But then about a week later, she and my dad approached me and my fiance and said that they’d pay for the food and alcohol if they could have some say in the guest list and if we’d be okay with a big wedding (their families are both larger).
We said sure!
So we’ve been planning this wedding for the past 2 years for about 230 people. The bill for the food and liquor will total around $5-7K, which my parents are covering.
EVERYTHING else has been paid for by me and my fiance – the ceremony space, the hall, my dress, my BM gifts, the cake topper, toasting goblets, invitations, decorations, some payments to vendors like the DJ, etc.
Now let’s go back to abou 2 months ago, right after me and my fiance moved into our house. I was having a really tough time adjusting and was crying to my mom about the adjustment period and also about how stressed I was about money. We had plenty to cover the bills, but I told her I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to pay off the DJ, cake, and photographer in time.
So about a week after that, my parents gave us $1500 – enough to pay off those 3 vendors. They told us that they were planning on giving us this money as a wedding gift, but decided to give it to us BEFORE the wedding since we were struggling a bit.
We were EXTREMELY grateful and surprised. My parents do not have a ton of money (my mom is on disability because she’s on kidney dialysis), but they have insisted that they planned for this day/time and it’s totally fine.
So last night I was at my parents’ and my mom asked me casually about the rehearsal dinner. (Me and my fiance were planning on paying for this since my fiance’s family only consists of his mother, who is batshit crazy and financially irresponsible).
So we’re talking about the rehearsal and my dad starts throwing questions around about how many guests, the places we were looking at, how much per person, etc.
And I casually said, “Why so many questions?”
He yells, “Because I’m paying for it!!”
I just gaped at him and said, “I never asked/expected you to pay for that. Why would you think you had to pay for that?”
And my dad had the NERVE to laugh and shake his head and say, “Because I’m paying for everything else!”
I just stared at him open-mouthed. I couldn’t say anything.
My mom jumped to my defense and stated that me and my fiance paid for the venues, rings, my dress, honeymoon, and everything I mentioned above.
And my dad literally did not believe her. He sat there and acted like he wrote the checks for all of this crap.
Now I know that what we paid for (and will pay for) will not equal the $5-7K that my parents are contributing for food and alcohol, but ….. SERIOUSLY?????
I am so upset and hurt.
This is how it’s always been with my dad. He is really generous and helpful one day, then bitter and ignorant the next.
I seriously don’t even want to look at him or talk to him. I can’t believe he thinks that we aren’t contributing.
I just. …. I hate this. I don’t know what to say or how to feel.
I felt guilty enough when they offered to help us. And me and my fiance have been trying to figure out a nice enough gift to give them to at least TRY and repay them for their generosity.
But now I feel like my dad never wanted to help anyway, like he felt obligated. And I feel like he thinks I’m ungrateful.
I’m just really hurt and confused.
And this has put such a damper on things for me.