parents only: do you regret having children?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Do you regret having a child or children?
    Yes : (31 votes)
    9 %
    No : (108 votes)
    30 %
    no children--want to see the results! : (222 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3776 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    Sometimes I wish I had waited a bit longer between my first and second.  My girls are just a few days less than two years apart.  I changed my mind about trying to concieve after three days of trying and it turned out three days was all it took.  I had severe post partum after (and even before) she was born and she was born with a condition that neccessitated us having her leg amputated.  It was a difficult time to say the least.  I just don’t think that, with having a not even two year old, I was was mentally ready to face the challenges. 

    That being said, I love her completely and could not imagine our lives without her.  So yes and no, would it have been an easier row to hoe had we waited longer–yes.  Would I do it differently and miss out on the blessing of having her in our family–no way.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6824 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Not at all no regrets here on having my son. He is 8 months old and is one of my few enjoyments besides my Darling Husband. 

    Only thing I wish is that he was concieved little later (like after the wedding) instead of me getting married being 4 months pregnant.  (we were engagged before he was even concieved.)

    That and wish he was born at full term instead of being a premie of 7 weeks early.

    Post # 5
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    No. I planned my daughter, and I had her when I was 26. She is 3 now. Were there times that I told her father “put her back where she came from!” Yes. Being a parent is HARD HARD HARD. The first year was insane for me. She was colickly, lactose, had reflux and ear infections (and tubes at 6mos). I was very grumpy for about a year. But given all that, I dont regret it. Actually I do REGRET having the “parenthood is glamourous” and the “my child won’t be difficult” mind-sets before I had children. UGH! I hate that I thought that way! Foolish of me, because parenting splapped me a big one across the face. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2095 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I have two children. A 14yo and a 7mo. I do not regret having either.. I was a 19yo single mom with my first. This time around we weren’t expecting the baby and planning a wedding while having a difficult pregnancy wasn’t the easiest, I still don’t regret a thing.

    Do I wish I had done some things differently? Yes. I wish I had decided to go to college anyway instead of workign right away, but the bills needed to be paid. Do I wish we were more financially stable right now? Yes, I am still looking for a job. But we will get past it, just like anything else.

    Post # 7
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think this is a really interesting thread- I kinda wish the three people who voted that yes they regret their children were contributing too though…

    Post # 8
    Member
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    I want to hear from the women who said yes.

    I feel like it’s hard to admit that you regret having had children because you’re basically saying you wish your life was completely different . . . and it’s not like there are any do-overs. Once you have kids, you’re a parent. Forever. So I think even the people who MIGHT be a little regretful talk themselves out of it because what’s the point in wanting to change the unchangeable?

    Post # 9
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @FutureJessicaMcB:  

    I was thinking the same, and not in a bad way! I know it can be hard to feel a certain way that might be seen as a negative, but it really brings insight to both sides of the coin. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @FutureJessicaMcB:  they would be torn apart if they posted. I can imagine why they wouldn’t want to contribue.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I am in my 50s, and had my kids in my mid 20s.

    I am thankful that I had them young, because it meant that I could do more with them… being active in your 30s is a heck of a lot easier than in your 40s or 50s (ie Ice Skating – Roller Blading – Downhill Skiing – Camping – Canoeing etc)

    Also meant that by the time they off to college, I was still in my mid 40s… and young enough to also enjoy my life without them around

    And now that I’m in my 50’s and we are still awaiting marriages & grandkids, I am enjoying my time (health, energy, and good financial situation) to Travel etc.

    Did I ever have regrets I had kids… NO

    Did I ever have moments, when the challenges of being a Parent were huge… YES

    And like I told the kids themselves back then when they screwed up (broke a lamp, got in trouble at school etc)

    You can tell me anything… better you tell me than I hear it from someone else.

    It isn’t that I don’t LOVE you (a thought that goes thru kids minds from time to time) for what you’ve done… but it may be true that I don’t particularly LIKE you RIGHT THIS MINUTE for what you’ve done…

    Same as I have at times issues with other people on this planet (lol, including your Father)

    I will get over it, and things will go back to the way they were

    If there is one statement I could make as a Mom to this posted Question… it is the same one I made 1000s of times to my kids…

    I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, I am your Mother… it is what I do !!

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    PS… for the sake of the Mom’s who voted YES… the posted Question is pretty vague (and to be honest the word REGRET here is a [email protected] filled with guilt)

    Ya know it could be that they just regret the timing of their children… that can be a HUGE issue for some women.

    Mom was too young, too close together, unexpected pregnancy (with perhaps a difficult bio-dad for their child), a time that wasn’t ideal financially, there are lots of possible reasons.

    So if they are…

    Say 18 and answering this Question with a 2 Year old… then I could see that being a reply.  But by the time that same woman is 30, her reply could be quite different.

    So I would give the YES votes a bit of break… without walking in their shoes hard to know WHY they voted the way they did.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    3776 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    I just wanted to add that during my daughter’s first two years, I DID very much regret having her.  Not because I didn’t love her, I did.  I regreted having her because my mental health was in the toilet, she was a HORRIBLE sleeper, we were going to specialist after specialist looking for answers and my oldest was going through the terrible twos.  When you are that tired, depressed, and scared it is easy to believe that your oldest child is malfunctioning because of you (instead of it being a phase) and that you will never enjoy life again.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee

    could you add an option for “don’t have kids” so the rest of us can vote but not skew the poll results, but see them at the same time?

    Post # 15
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @TheJeanses2012:  I also wasn’t thinking it in a “let’s tear them a new one way!” but just because I’d be curious to know the rationale behind their vote. Kind of hard to get a clear picture of the issue if only one side answers.

    @hisgoosiegirl:  I get that which is why I didn’t say they should, just that I wish they would and felt like they could within the community. I just think the rationales would be interesting and potentially something to really consider for people still considering having their own children, etc.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I regret having a child with my ex.  I don’t regret my son, per se.  I just regret not waiting for the right person (even though I was married to my son’s father at the time).  I knew the marriage was on shaky ground, and we had a child anyways.  Bad idea.  Now there are a whole host of issues involved with raising our son in two households that I wish I didn’t have to deal with.

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