(Closed) parents only: do you regret having children?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Do you regret having a child or children?

    Yes

    No

    no children--want to see the results!

  • Post # 62
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I didn’t vote because I don’t think it’s such a black or white issue. Do I regret having my son? No, because he is absolutely the most wonderful human being I have ever known and I really can’t imagine my life without him. That being said, not only was I never the person who wanted the whole family/children life, but I suffer from clinical depression. I take medication and will have to for the rest of my life; it runs in my family. So my biggest regrets are possibly passing this mental illness on to my child and sometimes I don’t feel like I am the best parent I could possibly be because of it. I wish my son had a whole, healthy mother all the time. Obviously I am doing an okay job because he is almost 10 and is smart, sensitive, polite, empathetic, energetic, funny, loving and most important, happy. He has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, which my brother had, so that was a bit of a challenge, but with proper support he is doing great. I guess the short version is that although I don’t regret having my son, sometimes I feel inadequate and regret that he doesn’t have a “better” mother.

     

    Post # 63
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Even though I was 2 weeks shy of my 29th bday, I wish I would have waited longer to have my twins. I never thought I wanted children until I reconnected with Fi. HeMadeMeWant to start a family. Then, it seems like the very moment at which that realization came, we conceived! hahaha. So, I just wish that we could have had more time alone.

    Post # 64
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Wow, I’m really surprised by the poll results. As it stands right now 1 out of 4 regrets having children.

    Post # 65
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee

    View original reply
    @KatyElle: “To me regretting them would mean you’re tempted to just drop them off at the police station and run.”

    As a person who answered ‘yes’ to the poll, I find this insulting. I love my son – more than any other person in this world, including DH and my very own mother. I would jump in front of a speeding train for him. But he changed the course of my life in a direction that I had no desire to take. THAT is what I regret. I regret not being able to live the life I wanted to live – the life I planned for myself.

    And, yes, I realize it was my decision to give birth and raise him as opposed to, say, an abortion or adoption. And that’s why I deal with my regret like an adult, and don’t put the weight of it on his little shoulders. He’s my child and he’s loved and he’s happy, and that’s what matters.

    Post # 66
    Member
    3586 posts
    Sugar bee

    Thank you for requesting parents only to answer.Keeps the thread pages down to a resonable number.LOL

    Anyway, nope, I don’t regret her. Things get rough financially around her as fo late, but if anything, she is the LAST thing I’d change.

    Post # 67
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I don’t regret my daughter but I will never have another. I’m happy with my life and I know that if I have another child that I will resent them and that isn’t fair to anyone. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @itsanonymous:  Oh did you skim over the part where I said “TO ME it means”?

    To me, if you regret having kids, it means you wish they weren’t around/you wish you hadn’t had them. Sorry you were personally insulted by that, maybe TO YOU it means something different, doesn’t change my opinion.

    Post # 69
    Member
    768 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @Mrs. Bear Cheese Pie:  Our situations are very similar! I was 20 when I got pregnant with my first daughter (she’s 4 and a half now). My ex is a total douche bag (drug addicted, selfish, manipulation, liar, thief, etc etc etc), but my daugther wouldn’t be the same kid if her DNA didn’t come from him. I don’t regret my daughter at all, but I do wish me and my Fiance could have had more alone time, especially when we first started dating. It was really tough on our relationship at times because my daughter (who was barely 2 when we started dating) gave him a really hard time, despite how hard he tried to bond with her and be there for her.

     

     

    Fast forward 2.5 years later, their relationship is great now and me and Fiance just had a baby of our own (I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after we got engaged lol). My family seemed to fall into place recently, but I DEFINITELY wish we had more alone time.

    Post # 70
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I know lots of people who regret having kids and would not do it again if given a “do over” and I am one of them. I love my kids, but I wouldnt do it again, but there are lots of things I wouldnt do again though. I was very young, in a very absive relationship and I had little choice. I had to get out with 3 young kids and find myself again, without a frame of reference or any help.

    It’s a terrible world out there. I worry about my kids constantly and any kids they may have. I’m not a kid person to begin with and never wanted any, I wsh I had been stronger but as a teen, I wasnt. 

    You can love your children but still wish you’d done things differently. Sometimes its harder than you thought, or it just doesnt “fit”. There is nothing wrong with that. One friend loves her daughter but hates being a “parent”. I get that. Its hard, really hard and some people wouldnt choose to relive it, that doesnt make them bad people, it just makes them human. Sadly, you cannot have a baby on a trial basis and often we dont know what it entails until it is too late.

    Post # 71
    Member
    7955 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I have other regrets about my life.  But I have no regrets about my daughters.

    Post # 72
    Member
    7775 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Do I regret having my daughter? No. even on a day like this where she woke up at 1am and then fussed the rest of the night, I’m running on 3 hours of sleep and we’ve had 5-6 hysterical tantrums and she’s refusing to nap and I’ve been contemplating selling her on the black market… I don’t regret having her.

    What I do regret is WHEN I had her. I wish we would have been older, had been married longer and had gotten to do a bit more first. I got pregnant at 23, 2 weeks after my Father-In-Law died and 2 weeks before we moved overseas. We had only been married for 8 months. We were really looking forward to being free and childless and taking advantage of living in Europe while we can. We still can do that with her, but it’s much harder and more expensive. I also regret that my parents weren’t able to be here for the birth of their first grand-child. They won’t get to meet her until she’s 5-6 months old.

    I will admit that I am young and wanted to be selfish a bit longer. It’s been a hard adjustment learning to live for someone else.

    Post # 73
    Member
    5427 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I wish I had waited until I was settled into marriage with someone I loved before getting pregnant. But, I do love my 26 year old “kid”! I had a fun time growing up with him as I parented him alone.

    Post # 74
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    View original reply
    @MissBoPeep:  It seems like a lot of those were of the “too young” variety.  I think I would have felt the same way.  While I see benefits to being a parent young, for me I really wanted to focus on me – my career, education, friends, life – before becoming a parent.  Luckily it worked out that I was married and had a kid in my early 30s so I was able to have that decade to live on my own, work hard, pursue a graduate degree, travel etc…..and by the time I was married, I was ready for the new adventure of being a parent (well, eventually I was ready. but that is another story!)

    While I doubt my SIL ever regrets her son – she loves him to the depths of her soul and actually really likes him too! – I am sure she regrets having him at age 18.  It is hard to separate the two

    Post # 75
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    amnystik , So sorry your Dear Daughter is a fussy baby. I think that if my twins would have been fussy/needy I would’ve been feeling the exact same way. Have you seen your Doc about possible PPD?

    Post # 76
    Member
    2870 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    View original reply
    @runsyellowlites:  I love your honesty! and I think being honest about how you are feeling is a great way to figure out exactly what it is you are feeling and help you get through it.  I think its very admirable to be in tune with how you are feeling, good and bad.

    Dear Daughter is not here yet but  I can so easily see how frustrated, confused and overwhelemed it can all be especially in the very begining.

    I am here for you in anyway shape or form, even if it’s just someone to vent to. FWIW, I think its worth mentioning to your doctor.  They have seen this a million times, you aren’t alone.

     

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