Parents Opposition for age difference

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

I couldn’t put up with someone who needs mommy and daddy’s permission to date me, not at 18 and certainly not at 28. It would be a nightmare having to be married to someone like that. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of anyone having this problem unless the age gap is 15+. Even then, he shouldn’t bow to his parents’ will the second they start complaining, that’s insane. I’m not sure if the culture in India is more tolerant of that sort of thing but I’m sure no woman in any country would want a guy who will always pick mom over his wife.

Post # 17
Member
6319 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

If he immediately broke up with you, then there is no question about his feelings for you. There aren’t any, or at least none that will take precedence over his parents’ opinion. He doesn’t truly love you or want to be with you because he broke up with you

Post # 18
Member
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

 

rinko21 :  I am indian and can definitely vouch that this is a pretty normal way things are handled in Indian culture. However, I would never personally date someone that couldn’t stand up for me to their parents.

Post # 20
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

rinko21 :  Western bees are unlikely to experience this kind of thing, as parents do not generally have that kind of control over their adult children’s relationships. Additionally, women are generally seen as more than simply baby-makers. This type of situation is probably more common to cultures where women are more repressed, like India.

Post # 21
Hostess
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

rinko21 :  We won’t be having children together, but 33 is by no means too old to do so! It makes more sense to me now to hear that there are cultural differences, because here in the US I think a lot of parents have significantly lessened ties with their children than in a lot of other countries. 

Post # 22
Member
1764 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

rinko21 :  This is the same age gap I have with my husband.  I am 34 and he is 29.  Has never been a problem.  We have one child together that we had when I was 32, and we would like to have one more.  Your boyfriend’s parents are being ridiculous.

It sounds like you could use some more closure on this issue, so if I were you I would talk to him about his concerns.  But it sounds like he has already made his decision, and is choosing the will of his unreasonable parents over a possible future with you.  The silver lining is that you won’t have to deal with these people being your in-laws.  

Post # 23
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

rinko21 :  I understand where you are coming from, OP.  There are some cultures that STRONGLY oppose relationships where the husband is younger than the wife.  I have a Korean friend who was all set to marry the man she loved, who was only two years younger.  When they announced it, her boss called her into his office and, very gently, explained to her that if she went through with it he’d have to fire her.  And he couldn’t imagine anyone else in education (she’s a teacher) would hire her either.  From the viewpoint of the administration, she was doing something deeply immoral and could no longer be a role model for children if she followed through.  She broke it off.

A few years age difference might sound like nothing to Westerners, but it can be a huge deal elsewhere.

OP, it sounds like your former partner is not ready to deal with the social stigma of this relationship.  I’m sorry, but there’s not much you can do.  I think you need to cut contact and let yourself heal.

Post # 24
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee

I assume when you say he broke the relationship you mean he ended things with you. Sounds like that ship has sailed so time to move on. He may have just blamed his parents for wanting to end things with you so he can save face. You likely will never know.

Post # 25
Member
541 posts
Busy bee

I’m in an even bigger age gap in my relationship and it hasn’t been an issue at all. If he would rather listen to his parents than be with you then he is not the man for you…5 years is nothing.

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