Post # 1
First post ever!
I’m getting married in July and my parents are paying for our entire wedding. My fiance and I have already come up with a guest list including my family, his family, and our (two sets) of friends. (250+ total) I asked my parents if there was anyone else they wanted added to the list besides the people who were already there who I knew they wanted. They sat down and came up with more people, all of whom they attend church with, but don’t really spend any time with outside of church.
The reason they want them there is because they didn’t want to offend anyone and the people they invited are mostly related to each other and they didn’t want to leave anyone out. One family they want to invite has six kids. Two more families have 3 kids each. They are people who I don’t want at the wedding, who I don’t
feel close enough to for inviting to a wedding, but my parents want them there.
I understand because they are paying for the wedding, but I also don’t understand
because they aren’t people my parents are close to. They are just people my parents don’t want to offend. Inviting them will jack up the price since the caterer will probably be around $30 a head. These are also people who will definitely come because they live in the area.
I guess this isn’t really a “what to do” because I understand that there’s nothing I can do since my parents are paying. I just want to know if anyone else out there has experienced this and how they handled it. I hate the idea of people to whom I’m not close being privy to the most important day of my life. It’s so frustrating!!! Words can’t express.
Post # 3
2) I know where you’re coming from. My parents are paying for my entire wedding, but my mom has been office administrator for the church for over 11 years. She’s trying to invite people from before our church split, people from the current church, including people I haven’t even met since I haven’t gone since I moved out of town. I understand, but at the same time it’s like you invite one, you have to invite 100 more! I finally just mentioned that it was more expensive the more people you have and try to compromise…I didn’t get much of one, but at least I tried 🙂
Post # 4
Have you been honest with your parents in how you feel? Said to them what you just wrote – that you consider your wedding the most important PRIVATE event in your life? I would start there, but if your parents are insistent, with them paying, there isn’t much you can do.
If I were these people and didn’t know you, I would probably “catch on” that I was invited out of obligation and would probably not attend.
Post # 5
Usually I’m 100% on the brides side in situations like this…but your wedding isn’t exactly small and I can see where your parents are coming from in not wanting to offend anyone. Its easy to explain why someone wasn’t invited to a 50-100 person wedding but as the numbers climb it gets a little more difficult.
I honestly feel like most of those people will decline the invite if they don’t know you and aren’t that close to your parents. Maybe if you give your parents an exact amount as to what it will cost to add their list they will reconsider.
Post # 6
Thanks everyone. It helps to know I’m not alone here. 🙂
1. The thing is I’m kinda where MissMellow is. I “know” these people (from growing up), but haven’t had much contact with them since I left for college in 2005. I haven’t seen any of them since at least August of last year. So I do “know” them, I just am not close to them.
2. I have been honest with my parents about how I feel. I told them I didn’t really want these people at the wedding, I didn’t feel close to them, I don’t really care for some of them, and because they are coming, there might be drama with some of the other people there with whom they don’t get along. (I really hate the idea of post-wedding drama being posted on FB!!!)
3. These people will not get the idea that they are invited out of obligation, but I feel like they will think “party with a caterer?! heck yeah, I’m going!”
4. The numbers for the wedding are so high because of fiance’s large family, most of whom are not expected to come. (But what if they do?!)
Okay, I think the wedding stress is really getting to me.