(Closed) Parents Paying

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Who is paying for your wedding?

    Brides Parents

    Grooms Parents

    Both sets of parents

    We're paying for our own

    All of the above


  • Post # 16
    219 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I don’t make that much, my fiance doesn’t either.  My fiance’s parents are dead, my dad is dead and the only parent between us is my mother.  I’m also an only child, so this wedding is important to my mother.  We are paying for the basics, license and officiant.  My mum is paying for the dress and the food.  My grandmother is paying for the venue, hair and decorations.  We aren’t having a big, expensive wedding, we are keeping costs as low as possible.  

    Post # 17
    178 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    We are paying by ourselves. My family believe that if we are adult enough to get married, then we are adult enough to pay for it. They paid for their wedding back in the day (they turned down both sides who offered) and expect the same from us. His family is insistent on contributing big money, but we have declined and suggested that if they really want to contribute, then they can help with our honeymoon or give us the money as a wedding gift to help pay for landscaping at our house after the wedding. 

    We are not letting anybody pay mainly because we want to choose our own wedding, rather than have it dictated to us. Our vision of a wedding is very different than what both sets of parents are envisioning, so we thought it would avoid conflict to just pay for it ourselves so we can make all our decisions without interference. 

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by missmunch.
    Post # 18
    2343 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    In my experience, it depends on the family rather than where the couple live. I am Australian, as is my Fiance, and both our families have been here for many many years (since, like, First Fleet days lol).

    My Fiance and I are planning a wedding that we would be able to afford on our own, but our parents have all offered to contribute financially. We were looking to spend around 25-30K on the wedding (including the honeymoon). My dad and step mother have told us that we’re getting about 8K (and they gave us flights to New Zealand as an engagement gift), my Future Mother-In-Law has told us that we’re getting about 8K (and she paid for most of our engagement party) and my mum wants to give us around 2K (but I’m trying to lower this – she’s a single mum only working part time, so I don’t want her to give more than she can afford but I know I hurt her feelings when I told her we wouldn’t accept anything from her). The rest of the wedding and honeymoon will be funded by my Fiance and I. We are both very lucky to have such kind and generous parents – we certainly were not expecting them to contribute financially and would not have been upset if they had chosen not to.

    Post # 19
    468 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I think a lot of it has to do with age and culture. My fiance and I live in the U.S. and we are in our early twenties. We are still in college and will graduate just before our wedding. Obviously a large, traditional wedding would not be viable at our point in life. My parents are immigrants from Europe and it is tradition that the bride and grooms parents pay 50/50 for weddings. Fiance’s parents haven’t offered to contribute anything, so we are paying for our wedding with what my parents have given us. We are both very grateful that my parents are paying for our wedding. However, we made the decision to get married without the notion that our parents would pay for the wedding and knew that we would’ve probably eloped if we had to pay for it.

    Edit: I forgot to add that my grandparents are also helping us out. Weddings are a big deal where my family is originally from 🙂

    Post # 20
    8601 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    My parents paid for our dream wedding (his contributed too- booze and rehearsal dinner). U.S. Bee. They wanted to and have talked about doing so my whole life. Theyre traditional like that and can afford it easily. we didn’t butt heads at all because we have a great relationship and have the same wedding vision. I don’t think anyone is owed a free wedding because of tradition though! Im lucky and grateful. 

    Post # 21
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    My dad is contributing half ($9,000) of our $18,000 budget.  We are paying the rest.  The fact that Dad is contributing so much has surprised a few people given my age (46).  But I have 2 sisters and a step-sister, all of whom got married in their 20s, and my dad contributed a lot of money toward each of their weddings (incidentlally, all 3 are now divorced).  Since I have never been married, Dad thought that it was only “fair” to contribute to mine as well, regardless of my age.  We didn’t ask, he offered, and we are grateful.  I am also grateful that he has not tried to control my planning in any way.

    Post # 22
    3526 posts
    Sugar bee

    We paid, although my mom did give us a generous gift to use as well. I can’t imagine sitting back and letting my parents pay for the entire thing, though. 

    Post # 23
    1616 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

    FIs parents will be paying as they’re the only ones who care about having a traditional wedding. If they weren’t paying, we would be eloping. 

    Post # 24
    202 posts
    Helper bee

    Fiance and I are paying everything. Both our parents have offered but we have declined. We are both in our 30’s, established in our careers, own our home and can afford to pay for the wedding we want (with some major budgeting of course). We wouldn’t want to put any stress on our parents who have assets and nest eggs, but are retired.

    Post # 25
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    Hubs and I paid for our small wedding + restaurant reception ourselves. My parents, however, graciously bought my dress + alterations and DH’s parents surprised us last minute by paying for our honeymoon cruise. Everything else was on us!

    Post # 26
    23 posts
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I’m in Australia, we are splitting the bill with my parents and his parents are paying for the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner.

    Post # 27
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    View original reply


    I’m from Asia and my Fiance is from the States – our parents are going halves on the wedding in the US and we’re also putting money towards the wedding too. For our second reception in my hometown my mom is fronting the money but we know we’ll make it back from the contributions so that wedding is paying for itself pretty much. We are doing a third, smaller dinner for our friends only, and will be picking up the tab for that ourselves. 

    I think it depends on the family tbh, for my brother’s wedding my dad picked up the entire bill, and for my sister’s, her inlaws picked up the six-figure bill as it was a huge deal for her marrying the only son and his dad wanted to go the whole nine yards. 

    Post # 29
    912 posts
    Busy bee

    We planned our wedding on what we could afford, not asking for anything or expecting anything. My parents ended up paying $1700 toward our honeymoon, and $1200 for the food (which they had mentioned, but I wasn’t positive it was a for sure thing until the day of the wedding when they actually paid for it). Mother-In-Law had said she wanted to contribute 2k, but never again mentioned it so I figured she had realized they couldn’t actually (which was fine!). I just looked at a bank statement of the bank DH has had since he was a teen, not one we use at all, and realized there was a transfer for $1500 early last year. Whoops! 

    Honestly, with their help and gifts, we pretty much broke even. We only paid $6100 for everything, so their contribution paid for half for sure. 

    Post # 30
    145 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    we will be paying for the majority ourselves. FI’s mum has (of her own accord) said that next time we see them we can discuss how much they put in, so that’s lovely, but it wasn’t expected and definitely not asked for!

    as for my parents, they’re divorced and my mum will possibly give us a token amount on her own, but I doubt I’ll get anything from my dad. oh well, we’re budgeting for our budget and any gifts of money from parents are just a lovely, appreciated bonus!

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