Parents refuse to attend my wedding

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
6793 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Damn, your parents both sound like hot messes. I have a relative who is determined to be unhappy and fractious no matter the circumstances or occasion. What often works with her (and for the sanity of those around her) is to simply issue the invitation and then get on with planning (and having) an absolutely gorgeous event. Because as much as she can’t stand it when she isn’t in control, she hates it even more when people are enjoying themselves and each other without her. I would send her a message along the lines of what PPs posted “I hope you’ll decide to attend. If you don’t, please know that you will be missed.” That may or may not work with your mother but even if it doesn’t, you will have a beautiful wedding and lovely memories of the day. It sucks when your loved ones can’t be better than they are for special, loving occasions. I hope you have a happy, beautiful wedding, no matter what.

Post # 17
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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honeyhoney2717 :  I think it is safe to say that OP was most likely a teenage mother when she had her first child. 

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sna1221 :  I would just focus on planning the wedding you want with the ones who love you most. It sounds like your FIs family is very supportive so use them as a support system if you need to. I find it extremely ridiculous when mothers are jealous of their own daughters and your dad seems repulsively immature. It will 100% be their loss if they do not attend. 

Post # 19
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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honeyhoney2717 :  why is it that you “have to ask,” if “not to be nosey?” Genuinely confused here.

Post # 20
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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sna1221 :  you do not have to explain yourself or justify your experience to any of us. I’m sorry if you felt that you did. 

Post # 21
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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sna1221 :  sounds to me like your mom is manipulating you by saying ‘have a nice life’. Clearly, this is not what she really wants. She wanted to feel special in her own way and when she felt slighted, instead of handling it in a respectful manner, she decided to take the low road. We cannot control other people but we can control our reaction. 

That means not reacting to your mothers bad behavior and as others suggested stating, ‘sorry you feel that way. there will be an open seat for you as a guest if you change your mind’.

It doesn’t bother you because did she consider your feelings when she sent you the nasty text? No, she did not. And responding in a positive and happy way will show her that you are not a doormat and you will not take her crap.

Good luck to you! I hope you don’t let your parents bad behavior taint your special day. 

Post # 22
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Sorry Bee… SHAME ON THEM – EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!

Post # 23
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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sna1221 :  Your mom is being manipulative so she kinda shot herself in the foot because nobody wants to give in to manipulation. But I have to say, I agree with her 100% that unless someone has a really bad relationship with their mom, why wouldn’t she be next choice to walk you down the aisle? If you had planned all along to walk with your daughters, that would be different. But clearly you had planned on having your dad walk you until he went off the rails. I never understand when I see posts about “dad can’t walk me down, should I ask my uncle/grandpa/brother/guy-who-sells-me-loosies-at-7-11?” Why is a penis required? I mean, not your daughters, but they were your 2nd choice after your godfather. Why didn’t mom cross your mind? You don’t have to answer me, but I would suggest asking yourself. Obviously you can ask whoever you want, but if she wasn’t a bad mom, I can see why she might be hurt that you went from dad to dad’s brother to your daughters without ever considering her. And after re-reading what she said, I’m not completely sure she is just being manipulative. She might really feel this hurt. You are a better judge of that than anyone here. 

Post # 25
Member
2039 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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friend :  ohh boy. lol. 

Post # 26
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

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friend :  what does the Bible say about passing judgment on others? 

p.s. I bet you smell weird 

 

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sna1221 :  I really admire your strength- I hope you have a beautiful wedding and an even more beautiful marriage ❤️ 

Post # 27
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think your parents care you so much because they are not being so happy when you get re-married, esp when you and your Fiance hold dear to eachother. Just tell truth to his sisters, your family is broken but you are gonna piece two broken families together with love. I would say i admire that, and bravo, just let your girls giving you away. It’s a totally different family, nothing to be shamed of. Be strong. We are all here to support you.

Post # 30
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

I think its wonderful that your girls will walk you down the aisle, they will love the experience and to be included in that way. You are not only marrying their father but also forming a special bond with them and you are showing it to them with that guesture. I am shocked your mom has not applauded you for it but instead is butthurt on top of.  Also all that tradition stuff went with the first wedding, I’m sure by the second wedding there are really no “rules” so just do whatever you want! And that includes asking her for your hand in marriage, he simply just does not need to. I think the most cringe worthy part I read was that she thought the next wedding was going to be hers! Wow. 

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