(Closed) Parents split 4 1/2 months before my wedding. I'm devastated.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry this is happening to your mom, and ultimately to you as well. Do you really feel bad abpout not being walked down the aisle by this man? He sounds monstrous. Your mom can certainly walk you AND dance with you.

Sending my best wishes to your mom!

Post # 3
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It’s okay to be sad. Your mom is losing a husband and you are losing your father figure. 

I would ask your mom or another special man to walk you down the aisle. Maybe a cousin, uncle, or even Future Father-In-Law.

sorry you have to deal with all this and good luck.

Post # 4
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

MrsPiggles:  I was going to say the same thing as MsJ2theZ:  that your mom can and should be the one there for you on your wedding day. 

As for your mom, maybe just start thinking logically and help her through this emotional time. Get all bank accounts and anything else with his name on it closed ASAP, Reopen another in her name only. File a restraining order now, to have on file. I would also talk about filing for divorce and get him out of her life ASAP. Be her “head” to think logically while her “heart” is not thinking rationally.

Post # 6
2945 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Poor both of you.  I am not going to berate you for having your “what about me” moment.  I’m having mine too, as one of our usher’s Girlfriend is very sick right now and we have no idea if they will make it to the wedding with only 17 days to go.  I think it’s pretty natural in those cases for us to think about the superficial (Are we going to have an usher for the wedding, who is going to walk me down the aisle, ect) instead of the full impact of what it can mean.  Its really hard to process how bad things can be, so taking the superfilous makes it somewhat easier.  Not getting walked down the aisle is much easier to process than your mom having to start completely over, and how bad and messy this can get.

The first thing I would do as your mother is get a new, personal bank account, preferably with a new bank and start removing her name from the joint account.  That way he can’t take all their money and run again.  Also, finding a new place to stay is a must.  Have her 100% moved out prior to that man getting back.  Look for some place where she will have a lot of neighbors, and maybe a doorman/gate.    Have your mom inform her employer of his past behavior (I assume she works) so security where she works knows not to let him in.  And retain a lawyer.  Even if it is just seperation, and not a divorce, a lawyer can give her good advice on how to proceed, and if she needs to document anything that has happened for divorce proceedings. 

Post # 8
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

MrsPiggles:  It still sucks and it will be shock and a whole other range of emotions in the next couple days, I’m sure. I’m up here in Nor Cal so I know how CA can be with restrainings. I’m so sorry you have to go through all this.  I have a step dad that basically raised me too, I can’t even imagine that happening. I’m sure I would still be in shock as well. 

As much as I hate to say it out loud, with the past that you talked about, maybe it’s all for the best and she can start a new chapter in her life. Just be there for her in any way she needs right now. 

Post # 9
283 posts
Helper bee

What a gut-wrenching situation, I’m so sorry for both you and your mother. You obviously know what procedures to follow as a police officer, and I hope you remember that your mother is NOT totally alone, she has a wonderful, capable, caring daughter and your being married doesn’t change that 🙂

As for the wedding, have you thought about having your mother walk you down the aisle? I’ve always thought my dad would walk me down the aisle, but recently I’ve been considering having my mother and father do it. I think the whole father thing was about the head of the house, which was traditionally a male, giving away a woman who was under his care to a man who would care for her. Nowadays, I think it’s about having somebody you love, trust, respect, and who has made a major impact on your life give you away with their blessing to somebody who loves you as much as they do, if not more. With the recent actions of your step father taken into consideration, your mother is the person who fits those criteria, and especially during this tough time I think you can see even more how you have each other to lean on 🙂

I don’t know, I’ve never been in this situation so it’s just my two cents, but my thoughts are with both of you and I sincerely hope that your wedding is a celebration of a happy future, not a reminder of these happenings.

Post # 11
3239 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Big hugs, this is a horrible situation. 

Will you need to contact anywhere in Spain to deal with his draining the account? I would maybe get on that with the embassy sooner rather than later.

Post # 13
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

So now that the money train stops, he is calling… Despicable! You sound like you don’t need any advice … You are very smart and capable to take care of this situation. Your mom did a great job raising you, and because of that she will be back on her feet in no time. As far as he is concerned, perhaps he should stay in Spain. She deserves much better. Just keep doing what your doing, and despite this knucklehead’s best efforts, you will have an awesome wedding, and he will already be forgotten. Best wishes to you both!

Post # 14
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

MrsPiggles:  Wow, I would be devastated if I was in your shoes. I think your reaction is so human. And I don’t know your relationship but I think it might actually bring you and Fiance closer together if you tell him about it. You two are going to be a team now and you need to stick together and be there for each other. And you can give the favor back for hearing him out about how it sucks to have his Future Mother-In-Law move in. Even if that seems petty to some people in contrast to your situation, it’s just as valid and a major life change. It would probably be best for your relationship to be open and honor each other’s feelings during such a hard time. Prayers for you and your family. 

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