(Closed) parents stealing my engagement thunder?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

As far as I’m concerned, a month (or even a month and a half, depending on when in Nov. you got engaged) is plenty of time for you to enjoy the new engagement “thunder,” and I don’t think your dad did anything wrong by proposing when he did. So yes, you’re being a little irrational imo.

Post # 4
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Here’s the thing.  Getting engaged, or married, or having a baby doesn’t entitle anyone to being the “center of attention” for any set period of time.  I, personally, believe there’s room for everyone in the center, including your parents.  I know it’s hard, but I would try to be happy for them, as I hope they are for you.

Post # 5
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you have the right to feel miffed–it sounds like some of the issues run a bit deeper, and that you have a more general feeling that your parents were perhaps a little less than ideal in how much attention they were able to show you growing up.  Not to mention that it is REALLY hurtful to find out your parents got engaged and started telling people but not you.  So, while normally I think people need to be ok and not complain when a friend/relative gets engaged close to them, I think that your issue is not so much about the engagement as a feeling of “oh well, this is just another example of them not caring about my feelings”…

That said, you can’t really call them out on it, and you do in the end need to be happy for your parents–your mum did wait a really long time for this!  So feel hurt, but don’t show it.  Maybe after some time has passed you can talk about it with them, and say that you interpreted in this way and how it hurt you that they didn’t even bother to tell you about the fact that they got engaged (the whole “I statements” thing)….they may really have not thought it would upset you, or it may not have been originally intended as an engagement ring and that just happened since your mum is in wedding mode.  Whatever it is, let them try to explain, try to stay calm, but don’t say “you’re stealing my thunder”–keep to the bigger issue.

Post # 6
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Mrs Grape: Ditto. I’m really not understanding the “Star of the Year” theme around here lately.

Post # 7
14965 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d be annoyed that my parents didnt tell me they were engaged, or that your dad told you he wasnt but then apparently other people are getting different information.  As far as the ring goes, I dont believe in stealing thunder.  No one cares about your engagement as much as you do and will focus on it like you will.  People are more than capable of being happy for more than one person at a time.

Post # 9
858 posts
Busy bee

@KatyElle: star of the year. I love it

I really don’t get this, you had a month and a half or so to enjoy your engagement. That’s more then enough time. You should be happy for your parents, they deserve this just as much as you. I never got the whole stealing my thunder thing. What other people do in their relationship has nothing to do with yours. If anything you should use this as some  mother-daughter bonding time

Post # 10
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hmm, this is a hard one.

Yes, it was wrong of your dad to outright lie to you about being engaged to your mother and it was sad theat your parents didn’t even bother to tell you.

Actually that’s just awful. I’m so sorry.

I’m guessing you don’t have the best relationship with your parents?

As for stealing your thunder, I’m going to disagree with the others here and say yes, I think they are being a bit selfish and I can see why you’re upset.

Now that you’re engaged, hopefully your thoughts and your parents thoughts are going to be on you and your upcoming wedding. I’m not saying you have to be centre of attention 24/7 now, but during this time you should be out looking for dresses and flowers and sharing that with your parents. But how can you when they’ve ALSO just decided to become engaged?

How can you focus on sharing your wedding ideas when your mum and dad will be planning their own wedding? Will your mother even be interested in your wedding now that she has her own to think about? IT’S BAD TIMING.

Look, I know some people will disagree, but if my child had just become engaged I would want to celebrate and help with their upcoming wedding, not start planning my own.

So yes, I think they have stolen your thunder. And it’s a mean thing to do to your daughter. It’s meant to be your special day. They’ve had decades to do it. I think it’s poor form.

Post # 12
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

While they should have told you, I honestly think you’re being rather disrespectful to your parents by making this all about you.  All I’m seeing in your posts are me, my, mine.  Me, me, me.  Put yourself in your parents’ position and how long they waited to get married.  It’s obvious they love each other and wanted to make it official yet their own daughter can’t be happy for them because she wants to be in the spotlight.  While you may think that everyone around you should let you live in the spotlight as long as you want to over your engagement, it’s not always about you and a month is more than enough time to demand the center of attention.  They have lives as well and can’t cater to your schedule.  Personally, I think it’s cool.  You and more mom can even plan together and use this as a bonding experience.

Post # 13
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@debbieotoole: Of course they’re going to care about your wedding! They’re your parents!

Although it was a little silly not to be upfront about the whole thing with you, I feel like maybe they were trying not to hurt your feelings by not telling you they were ‘engaged’ also. it just sucks that you had to find out from someone else.

Try to get over it and be happy – this should be a happy time for you to enjoy your and your parent’s engagement!

Post # 14
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012
Post # 16
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KatyElle: Someone had to say it. No point sugar coating it.

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