Post # 1
Right off, I will say that this is definately a rant. In some people’s eyes, I might even be considered a bitch right now. If you feel that way… please don’t comment….I just got engaged in November. My and my Fiancee have been together now almost five years and plan to marry in 2013. I had been waiting for ages for him to propose and was so excited and felt so special when he did it and got home and told everybody, and they were all so happy for me
A couple of weeks later my dad told me he was going to buy my mum a ring (They’re both 47. Been together for 25 years and have never married or been engaged) I asked him in a jokey way not to, as it would steal my thunder (I had just gotten engaged about 2 weeks before) He said “It’s not like that…” and I thought no more of it.
Anyway, Christmas day came and went and my dad gave my mum the ring. No proposal, no getting down on one knee, it was like he was just giving another gift. So I forgot all about the “engagement”.
I asked my dad a few days later if the ring was an engagement one and he said no. And that they wern’t getting married.
The other day while at work, I was talking to a girl who said to me “Oh I believe your mum got engaged!” I told her she wasn’t, as nobody had mentioned anything to me. I got home and asked my mum why the girl said that and my mum told me she was engaged.
So, first of all I’m really annoyed that nobody told me anything, I was completley left out. Secondly, I’m annoyed at my dad for getting her a ring so close to me being engaged (one month after) I’ve never ever been made to feel special in my life really, I didn’t have an 18th or 21st birthday party. I’ve always stayed in the background and being engaged was the first time that I’ve ever been centre of attention. My mum and dad have been together all this time and my dad chooses NOW to get engaged. I feel he could have left it a few months and it wouldn’t make a difference. They keep calling me selfish, but I don’t think I am. I just feel really left out and my engagement doesn’t seem as special anymore because they just got engaged aswell.
A friend told me I’m being a bit of a bitch but I’m more upset that angry. Do I have any right to be annoyed? I don’t know if I should feel this way?
Post # 3
As far as I’m concerned, a month (or even a month and a half, depending on when in Nov. you got engaged) is plenty of time for you to enjoy the new engagement “thunder,” and I don’t think your dad did anything wrong by proposing when he did. So yes, you’re being a little irrational imo.
Post # 4
Here’s the thing. Getting engaged, or married, or having a baby doesn’t entitle anyone to being the “center of attention” for any set period of time. I, personally, believe there’s room for everyone in the center, including your parents. I know it’s hard, but I would try to be happy for them, as I hope they are for you.
Post # 5
I think you have the right to feel miffed–it sounds like some of the issues run a bit deeper, and that you have a more general feeling that your parents were perhaps a little less than ideal in how much attention they were able to show you growing up. Not to mention that it is REALLY hurtful to find out your parents got engaged and started telling people but not you. So, while normally I think people need to be ok and not complain when a friend/relative gets engaged close to them, I think that your issue is not so much about the engagement as a feeling of “oh well, this is just another example of them not caring about my feelings”…
That said, you can’t really call them out on it, and you do in the end need to be happy for your parents–your mum did wait a really long time for this! So feel hurt, but don’t show it. Maybe after some time has passed you can talk about it with them, and say that you interpreted in this way and how it hurt you that they didn’t even bother to tell you about the fact that they got engaged (the whole “I statements” thing)….they may really have not thought it would upset you, or it may not have been originally intended as an engagement ring and that just happened since your mum is in wedding mode. Whatever it is, let them try to explain, try to stay calm, but don’t say “you’re stealing my thunder”–keep to the bigger issue.
Post # 6
@Mrs Grape: Ditto. I’m really not understanding the “Star of the Year” theme around here lately.
Post # 7
I’d be annoyed that my parents didnt tell me they were engaged, or that your dad told you he wasnt but then apparently other people are getting different information. As far as the ring goes, I dont believe in stealing thunder. No one cares about your engagement as much as you do and will focus on it like you will. People are more than capable of being happy for more than one person at a time.
Post # 8
@bearlove: thats exactly it 🙁 I just feel really upset about it all. I might sound like a horrible selfish person. But I’m honestly not.
Post # 9
@KatyElle: star of the year. I love it
I really don’t get this, you had a month and a half or so to enjoy your engagement. That’s more then enough time. You should be happy for your parents, they deserve this just as much as you. I never got the whole stealing my thunder thing. What other people do in their relationship has nothing to do with yours. If anything you should use this as some mother-daughter bonding time
Post # 10
Hmm, this is a hard one.
Yes, it was wrong of your dad to outright lie to you about being engaged to your mother and it was sad theat your parents didn’t even bother to tell you.
Actually that’s just awful. I’m so sorry.
I’m guessing you don’t have the best relationship with your parents?
As for stealing your thunder, I’m going to disagree with the others here and say yes, I think they are being a bit selfish and I can see why you’re upset.
Now that you’re engaged, hopefully your thoughts and your parents thoughts are going to be on you and your upcoming wedding. I’m not saying you have to be centre of attention 24/7 now, but during this time you should be out looking for dresses and flowers and sharing that with your parents. But how can you when they’ve ALSO just decided to become engaged?
How can you focus on sharing your wedding ideas when your mum and dad will be planning their own wedding? Will your mother even be interested in your wedding now that she has her own to think about? IT’S BAD TIMING.
Look, I know some people will disagree, but if my child had just become engaged I would want to celebrate and help with their upcoming wedding, not start planning my own.
So yes, I think they have stolen your thunder. And it’s a mean thing to do to your daughter. It’s meant to be your special day. They’ve had decades to do it. I think it’s poor form.
Post # 11
@BerryBerry: thank you. thats how I feel. They’ve had all this time and decide to do it NOW. I worry now what if they get married around the same time as me? Will they care as much about my wedding? 🙁
Post # 12
While they should have told you, I honestly think you’re being rather disrespectful to your parents by making this all about you. All I’m seeing in your posts are me, my, mine. Me, me, me. Put yourself in your parents’ position and how long they waited to get married. It’s obvious they love each other and wanted to make it official yet their own daughter can’t be happy for them because she wants to be in the spotlight. While you may think that everyone around you should let you live in the spotlight as long as you want to over your engagement, it’s not always about you and a month is more than enough time to demand the center of attention. They have lives as well and can’t cater to your schedule. Personally, I think it’s cool. You and more mom can even plan together and use this as a bonding experience.
Post # 13
@debbieotoole: Of course they’re going to care about your wedding! They’re your parents!
Although it was a little silly not to be upfront about the whole thing with you, I feel like maybe they were trying not to hurt your feelings by not telling you they were ‘engaged’ also. it just sucks that you had to find out from someone else.
Try to get over it and be happy – this should be a happy time for you to enjoy your and your parent’s engagement!
Post # 15
Post # 16
@KatyElle: Someone had to say it. No point sugar coating it.