(Closed) Parents think I’m too young to get engaged…how to announce engagement to them?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsNerd: Your relationship sounds so much like the one I’m in now. We knew immediately that we want to get married. It was actually when we met for the first time in person. My parents are so hesitant and every time I talk about it they look at me and tell me we should wait a year. I guess they don’t understand that I certainly do not, under any circumstance feel 19 (my age.) I will be graduating with my batchelors degree in May and for years have always been called an “old soul” I act like I’m 30, not 19. I’m terrified that I’ll end up with a lecture, instead of a congratulations, but your advice was great. I definitely won’t back down if that occurs! 

Post # 18
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, listen, you’re not *actually* engaged yet – you’re just talking about it – and there is a big difference. That gives your parents plenty of time to get adjusted to the idea and get to know you guys as a couple, so that once the time comes, they may have come around.  And also, a lot can change in a year, so maybe you guys will end up deciding to hold off anyway.  So for now, just enjoy things as they are, enjoy being with a guy who has already said he’d like to get engaged at some point, and worry about it when you need to worry about it – not before. 

Post # 19
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mandypop:EXACTLY THIS

Warm them up to the idea, show them that you are responsible, and alleviate their fears. It’s not that they’re being malicious when they’re concerned! You’re your parents and their worries aren’t completely off base. Parents are always going to worry, whether you’re 20, 30, or 40. Just enjoy your awesome relationship, and don’t focus on this pending engagement that may or may not go over well with your family. 

Post # 20
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My fiance will be 24 when we get married next year- I wanted to get married 2 years ago but he wanted to be able to support us.

I fully support you guys getting married, I do not think you are too young at all! I was thinking you were 17/18 when I saw the title.

Love is the most important thing, and love will find a way whether or not your parents agree 😉

Post # 21
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@NatAndTy: I dealt with some disapproval way before my fiance and I were engaged. It was more so at the begining of our relationship. The begining of our relationship was a little bit rocky. We were both really young (I was 18 and he was 19) and he was going through some tough times when we first met. He ended up moving to California for work and to try and get his life together when we broke up for a little while. He had me come out and visit him and then a few weeks later asked me to move to California with him. Almost all of my friends and some of my family were totally against it and thought it was bad idea and some would even trash talk about it, but I ended up moving out here anyways and now almost 7 years later we are still together, happy, engaged and getting married next October. After a while of me living out here and them seeing that everything was good and we were happy they changed their minds and they all love him and approve of our relationship now. I guess we proved them all wrong 🙂

Do what you feel is right and like you and some of the other posters said prove them wrong. That’s the best thing you can do. Although I totally understand that it’s hard when you don’t have complete support from your loved ones on something that your so excited an dhappy about.

Post # 22
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I’m 19, my fiance is 25. I knew my grandparents were going to be less than supportive and they are the kind of people that think I’m too young for everything, including staying out past dark, working my job (where I make  a better income then they could even guess), and being a RN (I graduate in 6 months). LOL but they are my grandparents and I love them. And in their defence I don’t think they even realize I’m out of high school. Anyway Thank God I have my mom who is always supportive and was so happy when I showed her the ring.

When I told my grandparents, I said “well, at least you have one wedding to look forward too” and flashed my ring. I got them with the element of surprize and let them sit with the idea. When they finally did start spouting all the things I knew were coming…”Your too young” I was able to come back with, “I’m not to young to save lives, or to buy a car, or pay my own bills or help with your bills for that matter.”It kind of reminded them that I am indepenant and that I’ve always made good decisions. They still aren’t happy but they re coming to terms.

 

The best way is to just tell them. Let them know it’s your decision and while you value their opinion because you love them you are old enough to make your own decision. When it’s time- you know it. You shouldn’t need to defend yourself or your decision and remember, no one knows exactly how you feel except you and your SO. Everyone else will come around with time.

Post # 23
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee

I have heard some of my friends who are 25 get the ‘too young’ comment, so I wouldn’t expect it to stop anytime soon.

As for breaking it to the parents, your SO asking for father for his blessing might be as easier way? I don’t know your father though and some times that doesn’t fly.

Your parents are probably trying to make you wait becuase they want to protect you and don’t want you to miss out on any of the important things in life (education, career, life enrichment, ect.) These are all nobel things that anyone would want for thier children. I personally would break the news to them and when they bauk at the idea or start with the ‘ too young’ comments revert *Calmly* to  “Mom, I know that you are trying to protect me and want only whats best for me, I want you to know that we still want all these things (education, career, fill in the blank here) and we are going to be working towards them together and here is how”

Sometimes adknowledging peoples worries and showing them that you do have a plan in place and that you are not rushing in to this will calm the anxiety a bit. I don’t know you guys personally, but most people are ‘too young’ becuase they rush in to thing and don’t make long ter 5, 10, 20 year goals together… If you make solid plans for this and have it all well throught out your parents might react better.

best of luck and let us know how it goes.

Post # 24
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Why not get engaged and then have a long engagement? That’s what I’m planning on doing, I have no intention to get married until he’s done with college and I’ve finished a Masters.

Post # 25
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ll be 23, Fiance will be 23 when we get married, but at the wedding, we’ll be 2 days past 7 years together. So no offer from family. Now my boss on the other hand. I only have my father, my mom has passed, same for him. My bosses all say I’m to young. I took a year off from college because I couldn’t deal with the stress from his mother dying. I just say, I’ll prove em wrong. 

Post # 26
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Eva Peron:  Excellent advice. Couldn’t have said it any better myself. 

Post # 27
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Did your mom tell you why she feels those preconditions should be met?  It sounds to me like she wants to make sure you’ve lived as an adult for a little while before you get married (which makes a certain amount of sense).  I think it’s easier to be sure that someone is getting married for the right reasons if you know that they’ve gotten the wild crazies out of the way and money’s not a factor.

If that’s all it is, it will be relatively easy to show her leading up to your engagement that you can stand on your own two feet and that you’re done with the partying/self-discovery scene and that you know what you want.  If she knows that you are 100% sure of what you want and know what else is out there but decide it’s not for you, she might feel easier about it.

Post # 28
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had the same issue with my parents. They eventually came around though. My mom has had horrible experiences with marriage (abuse, infedelity) and she didn’t want me to get married EVER. She totally thought I was throwing away my life but by the end she was happy and waaeagerly helping me plan.

Post # 29
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@miss.wiggums:  

View original reply
@MrsNerd:  

I’m so glad that there is someone else in this world sort of in my situation. My fiance and I have were only together for 6 months when he proposed and we talked about it before that. As soon as we started seeing each other, we just knew we wanted to get married. Everytime we talked about anything related to our views on kids and life, we agreed. I’ve been in long relationships before and they made me realize that if it wasn’t right in the beginning, you’re never going to make it right. He hasn’t been in long relationships, I’m his longest but he says that to him, that means he never knew the right person. His grandmother told us we were getting married the first time she met me. But! Everytime I tell anyone how long we’ve been together I get that look like “Oh….” and then they ask if I’m sure we are getting married. My family didn’t like it either and I’m seriously considering not inviting them to the wedding

 

To the original post: My advice is to just tell them that its your life. When I got engaged, my cousin (who got engaged just before me) and I were blasted by bad responses from our family at christmas (in front of our fiances, no less! So rude!) and my cousin finally said “Well, we had to grow up quickly so we feel like its right for us.” and that basically shut them up. They aren’t interested in the wedding and i’ve learned to not care about it. 

The topic ‘Parents think I’m too young to get engaged…how to announce engagement to them?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors