(Closed) parents throwing paying for the wedding in our face

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
46670 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

you already have another identical post.

Did your mom say why her financing is contingent on an earlier wedding?

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This makes no sense why it matters how far away it is.  Did she give you a reason why?

Post # 6
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I assume you explained all this to your parents. Your reasoning sounds quite sensible to me. Worse case scenerio – you may have to pay for the wedding yourselves.

Post # 7
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I hate to say it, but if they’re paying.. they have say in the planning. Is there a reason you need to accomplish those things before the wedding? If you’re not paying, whats the difference? If not, pay for it yourselves and you can have 100% control over the wedding… it doesn’t sound to me like she’s “throwing it in your face”, it sounds like she’s paying so she wants some control, which is understandable

Post # 8
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that if they’re the ones paying for the wedding then you do need to take their wants/needs/opinions into account. If you want to wait until 2013 and ignore what they want then you should not take their money.

Post # 10
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

say thank you but no thank you.  Don’t rush into somehting you don’t want to do. Get settled, jet jobs, save money and have your own wedding someday.

Post # 11
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If thats the case, I highly suggest you pay for the wedding yourselves, or at least half. If someone pays, they get some control.

Post # 12
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I can understand waiting for a wedding you’re paying for yourself, but if someone else is footing the bill, wouldn’t you rather be legally married sooner? 

Post # 13
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My I ask why 2013 and not 2011 or 2012 on the same date?

Post # 14
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like you know that you won’t be ready for a sooner wedding, so I would just continue as planned and see if they offer to pay for it down the road.  I would never, ever get married on someone else’s timeline.

Post # 15
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t rush! If it’s so far away, begin saving money yourself. Just a little here and there, whenever you can have anything to spare. Fiance and I have been putting money aside ourselves for awhile — we put a bit in from each paycheck, but we also put pennies in a huge jar and put larger coins in a separate jar. Every little bit helps.

Post # 16
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@smileyd: I agree. You are effectivlay saving $10,000-$30,000 if you do it sooner (depending on your budget). You will also get tax breaks if you married sooner. Rather than be able to pay of your bills, you’ll have more bills if you wait and pay for it yourself. If you get married in late 2012 then you still have almost 2 years before the wedding. That should hopefullly be enough time to find jobs. And if you aren’t paying for the wedding it gives you time to save up for a car.

If someone said to you, you can have this car now, today for free, but if you wait two weeks it will be $20,000 – wouldn’t you take the car now?

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