(Closed) parents unhappy about my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@rosy_s:  I’m sorry to hear that everyone can’t simply be happy for the two of you. That’s got to be sooooo stressful. 

For your Mother-In-Law – I don’t know the content of the fight, but I can’t believe the Mother-In-Law had the right to postpone the wedding. It seems you have a potential issue of “Mama’s boy.” – a husband who sides with or supports his mother over his fiance. 

You didn’t provide much detail so I dno’t know – but at least, I would have a conversation with FH about being in this together, coming togethe.. and that the two of  you are most important, ensuring Mother-In-Law can’t throw her weight around and cause interruptive drama again.

As for your mother, Maybe state that you can understand her concerns – but reiterate the the wedding is about you and FH, not his mom. A bride and a Groom, no third wheel. Try emphasizing that you love FH, his good traits and why you make  good couple. The inlaws might have their hand in wedding planning, bt how much control are they goign to have over your daily life afterwards? The answer – however much FH lets them control him. 

Post # 3
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

double post

Post # 3
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Gah. 

Post # 4
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think that you need to tell your mother that while you can choose the person you marry you cannot choose their family. Does she have any other issues with your Future Mother-In-Law or is it just that she doesn’t like them? 

Tell her to get over it and then you both need to sit down with your respective families and set some boundaries for the future. 

Post # 6
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@rosy_s:  What was the issue that you had with your Future Mother-In-Law that lead to the postponing of the wedding? If you don’t mind sharing.

I think your mom is a tad bit right about your Future Mother-In-Law, but are YOU okay with it? Because if you are okay with it and feel that you can handle it than that’s all that matters, not what your mom says.

Post # 7
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Sounds to me like your Mom’s worried about you getting hurt/ how your Future Mother-In-Law will treat you in the future. You wrote: “they don’t think i can tolerate my mother in law and they think i can do better in terms of the family i’m marrying into.” What do YOU think? Do you or your Fiance find her overbearing? 

 

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rosy_s:  That’s a little harsh.  It seems like your mom objects to your FMIL’s education level.  It seems akin to saying “Because your Future Mother-In-Law is poor, she will always hit you up for money.”

Your Future Mother-In-Law can only be involved in your life to the level where you allow her to be.  If you set boundaries, it’s not like she’s in a position to cross them.  Have you tried telling your mom that you are a grown woman and this is one of those situations in life where you need to figure out how to set and enforce boundaries?  Even if you tend to be non-confrontational, your mom isn’t doing you any favors by insisting that you not learn how to stick up for yourself and your family.

I think your mom is trying to protect you, but isn’t she committing the sin that she’s accusing Future Mother-In-Law of?

Post # 9
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Are your family from a particular culture? My family and my SO’s families are very different too, and my parents know it. Though one time my mother said something about his family and I quickly shot her down. No-one has the right to look down on anyone else (granted, she had a horrific theatre/operation list and was tired and in a bad mood, but still). She’s never said anything like that again, and makes an effort to talk to me about my SO and his family now. I think she thinks the same thing your mother does. My family are all highly educated (everyone is a doctor/scientist/works in business, with at least a Masters level education) and in his family, he’s the first to go to college.

I know you’re tired of having to defend your relationship, but they will not understand otherwise. As other Bees have said, your mum’s main concern is how will your Mother-In-Law treat you in the future. All I can suggest is stand up for your relationship to your family- you can choose who you settle down with, but not your family. In the end, our families are worried about our wellbeing and our welfare, they just have no idea how to express it in a better way at times. (At least that’s what I tell myself!)

Post # 10
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had a similar problem. My parents HATE my mother in law (not without reason) and they focus on that negativity too much, and they brought it up a lot during the planning. They still have a lot of bitterness toward my husband’s family that they sometimes reflect onto my husband as well. Bottom line, I try to ignore them. Family is VERY important to me and I want my family’s approval for sure but this is my HUSBAND and I have too much love for him to let any of this poke holes in our relationship. Also, my mom has had bad experiences with marriage and wasn’t fond of me tying the knot because of this, so I feel your pain about taking an unhappy mother dress shopping. I will say that she came around in the end. Don’t let this squabble between the families ruin your happiness. Everyone will get over it eventually. You deserve to be happy with the one you love.

Post # 11
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If you dont mind us asking, what is the issue that you had with your Future Mother-In-Law. That would help us understand your situation better before we try to offer you and advice.

I’m sorry you are going through this 🙁

Post # 12
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m with you…cheer up though, I can’ say it gets better, but you will start to let things go. I’ve learned I have to be concerned about my own agenda, sensitive to others, but in the end I’m going to do what makes me happy. My mom was a huge downer when I went dress shopping too. I think at first I expected nothing less of her and just thought “oh typical  mom, finding someway to make me feel like poo” but it really started to hurt days later, I tihnk I cried for two weeks about it….but it’s been a few months and It doesn’t bother me anymore. My parents are no longer happy about my wedding..mom has said “can’t wait til this is over” we can’t agree on any of the details….it’s all pretty common I think. Just take things day by day. You will have good weeks and bad ones. I have had a crappy last two weeks, but I do notice the most stressful periods come to an end sooner or later. I’m still repeating to myself “this too shall pass”…over and over when I think of the nightmare that has been this week with inviations and accomodations details. 

Hang in there! I’ve really only heard from one bride who said her planning experience was some kind of dream. I really hate her now. lol.

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