First of all, I want to thank everyone for their advice. It really helps to see things and hear things in a different perspective.
The main issue that led to the huge fight is so silly! Theres a type of entertainement that we do in my country where this dancing troupe brings in the bride and groom to their reception. I hate this tradition, its not my style, i’m not that traditional and i just can never imagine myself going along with it, as well as my parents. My fiance knows that, and we decided to find something that’s common ground between the two families. We decided to get a band that plays traditional music. THat way we eliminate the jumping twirling annoying dancers but we keep the music. All good. When we tell my Mother-In-Law that, she says no I want the dancing troupe. My fiance suggested she goes with me to see the band (my fiance lives abroad, so he’s not here for the planning). When we went she was very negative about it, was rude to the manager there. At some point she starts asking for something specific that I don’t want, so i tell her that my fiance and I decided not to do that. She got offended how i said that and tells me: “then what am i doing here then?”
Three days later i discover that she is extremely upset with me because i was disrespectful to her and in an effort to make things better (and upon my Fiance request) i gave her a call, but she didn’t answer me, three times! I got really upset then and i told my Fiance who yelled at his family for knowing that I called and never calling me back and screening my calls.
When we talked the next day (she called me), we get into a fight where I tell her that the decisions that me n Fiance take, no one gets involved in. And she tells me in my family everyone takes deicsions. So we got into a “boundaries” fight and we hang up on bad terms.
We were going to have a civil wedding 2 weeks from that incident (for paperwork purposes) but when my parents knew about this and they tell me that we can’t have you getting married in this enviroment and mood. you are not on speaking terms with your fiance’s parents and this is not how you should be feeling when you get married. I agreed with them, and we cancelled the civil wedding and my mom suggested we postpone the full wedding (due in August 2012). Things kept on escalating and causing problems between me and my fiance, but at the end we decided me n him to just fix things between us in the first place and figure out the rest as we go.
My dad was hospitalized a couple of days after and my Mother-In-Law came to visit him in the hospital. This served as a “truce” maker. She kept visiting for the 10 days my dad was in the hospital and we were talking normally as if nothing happened. Things started getting better from there. We’re back on normal behaviour now, i visit her once a week to have lunch at her place and its all fine.
I resumed my wedding plans but my mom doesn’t seem to think its a good idea. She thinks that my mother in law is going to be hard to deal with, she’s gona be interfereing a lot in our lives, that her lifestyle is different that our lifestyle. But what my mom isn’t thinking of is that i wont be living with her! i’m living with my husband! plus what’s more important than that, WE”RE NOT GONA BE IN THE SAME COUNTRY! my Fiance and I are moving to a different country a week after our wedding!
I’m not much of a talker, i don’t talk about my emotions and feelings. Its not easy for me to go and talk to my mom about this. i get sad, cranky and angry on my own. not the best technique i know!!
I’m convinced my fiance is the one, i love him very much and we get along extremely well. I don’t want things to ruin my happiness.