(Closed) Parents walking down the aisle…drama is building

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly? I would put this whole issue in storage and stop worrying about it. You can choose to drive yourself crazy fretting over things beyond your control for the next year, or you can choose to put this topic in abeyance and deal with it only when you have to. You still have lots of time to make decisions.

Post # 5
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@lovelyduckie:  How physically close to your mom are you?

 

I would table the walking talk for now and bring it up again a couple of months before the wedding.

 

As for your mom, if you can support her and be around to help her, I tihnk you should encourage her to talk to her doctor, and live as healthily as she can. You don’t need to bring up weight, as that is an emotional trigger for her. But if her weight is becoming an issue so much so that is affecting her mobility, she needs help from medical professionals and her family. Try to eat some meals with her (so you can see if she is getting a ballanced diet) share cookbooks, or healthy food related pinterest pages. Join a water aerobics class with her for a low stress workout (my knees are shot from a birth defect, but being in the water is great. The bouyancy keeps the strain off my joints, but allows me the freedom of movement to work out. It also helps if its in an indoor pool which can be heated in winter)

 

If your mom is not close enough for you to do this with her, try to use the internet to close the distance. Be a source of encouragement and support, but not stress. And in doing so do not bring up your wedding at all. Your mom should not make a certain body image be a goal for your wedding. She should want to be healthy for herself, and it can be hard to shift that mode of thinking.

 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with PP that this is something to worry about closer to the big day (when you have a betre idea if your mom could walk or not).

BUT, since the OP asked….I like the idea of it being all or nothing…BUT in place of the “nothing” (i.e. don’t include parents in the processional) have the parents seated in front and have them get up either before or after the processional and so something “special” up at the front (so your mom does not need to walk as far).  Maybe light a candle, maybe place important items in the front (i.e. the candles for unity candle or the snad for sand unity thing)…or something else.  Essentailly, find a ritual that will make all parents feel special that involves them starting out by being seated up front and only walking a short distance….

Post # 7
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lovelyduckie:  Wow, you and I are in very similar situations.  My parents also messily and angrily divorced over 15 years ago and haven’t seen each other since.  What complicates things is I’m not very close with my father and most of his family, but I invited them mostly to be nice.  

My mom had gained weight over the years, but most recently lost over 30 lbs.  We went dress shopping for her just this past weekend and she cried in the dressing room because she wasn’t happy with where she is in her weightloss journey.  Personally, I think she is terrified and dreading seeing my father again after all these years.

I had to make lots of ommissions to the traditional wedding day to make my relationship with my father seem less awkward. For example, I elected to walk down the aisle alone, our processional will only contain Bridesmaids and Groomsmen, no father/daughter and mother/son dances, etc.  

My mom insisted that she wanted to walk me down the aisle.  I still don’t know how I feel about my dad being there and seeing my mom walk me down the aisle, but I wanted to make her happy and she certainly deserves it. 

The stark differences between our situations is that my FI’s parents are super flexible.  They don’t care at all about all of the activities I chose to omit.  They’re so minimal when it comes to drama and aren’t comfortable with spotlight being on them, so it was easy in that sense.  But I’m still dealing with the tensions between my parents and it’s unfortunately starting to really culminate the closer I get to the wedding.

I’ve sort of taken the attitude that the day shouldn’t be about anything other than me and Fiance getting married.  If your mother is so upset about walking down the aisle, I’d just let her sit it out.  People will likely assume she isn’t feeling well or something. 

Another alternative is if you have siblings, you could have one of them escort either of your parents down the aisle.  

In the end, it shouldn’t matter to her how uncomfortable she is with her appearance – however devastating it may be to her.  This is her daughter’s wedding and it’s only natural for you to want to make her feel more comfortable.  But in my opinion, she’s being a tad selfish.  Maybe she should seek some counseling or help from a doctor.  She may feel better if she’s taken steps to improve her health/image.  

I think my mom finally got to the point where she realized her attitude/behavior was making things even more difficult for me – and that’s not fair.  

If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

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