(Closed) Parents want to contribute

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you’re right on track with your logic.  If parents contribute to the wedding fund, then they get a say (at least I think so, sounds like we’re both in agreement on this.)

 

Stand your ground.  A simple “Thanks, but no thanks.  We want to host the event ourselves and have the wedding we want.”

 

 

Post # 4
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Little_Nut88:  You’ve got valid concerns about them wanting to change things because they’re assisting in the cost  My parents insisted I invite some family friends — that table was a WRECK.  One didn’t show, one brought a plus one, one was running so late she came in mid-ceremony.  Eeek!  So I’m not a fan of parents insisting on certain people coming…

Anyway, depending on the relationship you have with your parents and how comfortable you are discussing money could you tell them that you and Fiance have things handled but they could use the money as a wedding gift?  To help with the honeymoon, house, whatever you and Fiance need.

Post # 5
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What if you asked them to put that money towards the honeymoon?  That way they’re technically not paying for the wedding itself and have less of a say if they were putting money towards a “meal”.

Otherwise, give them something specific to pay for.  Like, the photographer.  Or the invitations.  That way they can physically see what their money is going towards and it’s not just a general “gift” that they can then hold against you with planning.

Post # 6
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This depends on the relationship you have with your parents so it is hard for me to say. But I think you should just talk to your parents and figure out if it is them paying for the wedding and therefore hosting, or them gifting you money for your wedding.

In my situation, my parents gave us a very generous check shortly after we were engaged. They gave their opinions, but never had demands. But that is how it is with my parents. They will always tell you what they think/want you to do, but they won’t pull the “well I’m paying for it so what I say goes” card.

Post # 7
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your logic is right on. I say take @KateByDesign:‘s advise and ask them to put it towards the honeymoon, “since you already have the wedding costs covered”

Post # 8
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Little_Nut88:  It depends on your parents, but you could respond with a “thank you so much for the offer. We have already signed a contract for the meal we are having and the number of people we will be having. If you are okay contributing knowing that we can’t make any changes, we would be really flattered”. It may be very important to your dad to feel like he is hosting or contributing. 

Post # 11
Member
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

My parents are paying for most of our wedding ($12,000 budget) and they’re not being demanding at all about who we invite, or anything else for that matter.  If you have a straightforward honest relationship with your folks, can you just ask them whether accepting this incredibly generous gift would come with any strings attached?  

You never know – you could get the best of both worlds here.  It’d be pretty sweet to have your parents contribute a big chunk, and you could pay for a nice honeymoon / add to the mortgage / etc.  

The topic ‘Parents want to contribute’ is closed to new replies.

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