Post # 1
Hi, my fiancé and I are currently planning our wedding for next year. We are off to see a venue this Saturday and my parents assumed they were coming too! My parents live about 30 minutes drive from the venue and I live 3 hours drive away. The venue is a historic building which we have all visited many times before and my fiancé and I used to visit as children so its very familiar to us, and not a novelty to my parents.
My mother frequently feels she has to remind me to do or say something in everyday life and that’s why I don’t want her coming with us. I know she will just wind me up with ‘have you thought of this, that, the other type sayings.’ I don’t think she totally trusts by judgement and ability to plan things myself. She says she will keep out of the way and not interfere, but I know she won’t be able to help herself.
She can go anytime, why does she want to come with us if its not to interfere?
Shes made me feel mean about not taking her and my dad, but I don’t want to have to stress about them as well as asking everything I need to ask.
Am I mean?
Post # 3
She’s your mom and you are getting married, she probably just wants to feel included…
also if your parents are paying/helping pay for your wedding I think its resonable that they want to check the place out with yall..
Post # 4
Are they contributing to the wedding? If they are I can understand them wanting to ask some questions. If they’re not I would just suggest that you go for lunch instead.
Post # 5
I think your mom would be extremely hurt if you told her you didn’t want her there…Like PPs said, she’s your mom and she wants to be included!
Post # 6
No they aren’t contributing. I’m happy to show them after and talk to them about it, I just want the first viewing to be as stress free as possible.
Post # 7
@Chinchi: No you’re not mean, and I totally understand how it can add stress!
I suggest that, in future, you don’t even tell them you’re looking at a certain venue. You’re an adult, you don’t need to tell her your every movement.
I’m not sure what to suggest this time; either try to be firm with her, or just tolerate her tagging along this once 🙂
Post # 8
There’s honestly no stress when viewing a potential venue no matter how many people tag along. Why would there be? Isn’t it better to have more people see and point out potential issues that you might not consider? Setup for a wedding is completely different than many other events that the venue might hold, so I would think that in your excitement, having extra eyes and ears will be helpful.
I know when my daughters looked at some alone, they forgot to ask about many things that they didn’t even think were important. Guests seperated into different rooms, bad weather backup, outdoor tenting….it meant for a lot of extra footwork for them as they had to backtrack to see if everything would work out as they wanted.
If you don’t want them there, it would have been better to not even tell them. Now that you have, I’m guessing some feelings will be hurt.
Post # 9
My mom always feels the need to remind me of what to ask, too. Its annoying, but what can you do? I think your parents want to go because they are your parents and they want to be involved in your wedding planning. I don’t really think its that strange for them to want to go with you. I think you’ll probably really hurt their feelings if you say no..
Post # 10
@Chinchi: In that case I’d probably not include them. They probably just want to visit with you, right? Why not offer to meet up with them after?
Post # 11
Eh, I took my mom and step-dad to all the potential venues. Granted, they are footing majority of the bill. However, I just thought it was something nice we could all do together. We went and had a nice lunch afterwards and discussed the pros and cons to each venue. I think it helped to have more than my FI’s and my viewpoints on each place.
But to each their own, and you’re not mean to want to only do this with your Fiance.
Post # 12
My parents and my Future Mother-In-Law came with us to look at venues, my parents are paying for the majority so that was why theyw ere there but my Future Mother-In-Law just wanted to feel included. It was nice to have lots of different perspectives and lots of people to ask questions, plus we had a nice time.
Post # 13
@Chinchi: i wanted my mom to be at every venue we looked at. she has insight, ideas, and questions that i didn’t always think to ask.
Post # 14
My mum has a habit of taking over. She even ordered a harpist for the wedding without discussing it with us first! We don’t want a harpist! I don’t want her there making all the decisions for us. It’s our money we are spending and it’s our wedding day, not hers.
I would not normally have told her but we had to as its close to where they live and it would have been rude to drive 3 hours and not see them but view the venue. That would upset them more.
Post # 15
My Fi and I went alone to the venues. It was fun to look around and imagine our wedding together. The venue we chose has been used by other family members so my parents are familiar with it. My mom understood this was a special time and my Fiance was not going to be involved in many other areas of wedding planning so she let us have this day together.
Post # 16
@brit090807: +1, my mom came with us when we toured our venue. 🙂