(Closed) Parents-What are your thoughts on this?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This is the same rules that applied at the daycares I’ve worked at and I totally agree with it. Kids shouldn’t be taught they get something just because they want it, they have to learn patience and asking for things and being told to wait. I’ll have the same policies with my kids. We say “So-and-so would like to play with this toy, when you’re done make sure to give it to them” they grow up learning this and understand to wait. 

Post # 3
7444 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Hmm I never really thought about it that way. What the writer is saying is true. I still feel like we should be teaching our kids to be gracious and sharing, but you also have to teach kids that they don’t always get their way. I think the people who are doing it wrong here are the mothers who are advocating for their kids to get to play with things that other kids are using. Instead of shaming the kids who have what their kid wants, they should help them find something else to do. It’s not their place to do what they are doing. It’s up to the kid to decide to share, or the parent of the kid who has the toy to decide if they want to take the opportunity to teach their kid to share or not.

Post # 4
46470 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s a reasonable policy when it comes to toys that are supplied by daycare, school etc

I don’t think there is any obligation for a child to share his own toy that he took to the park (in that specific example). Why would a child give his own toy to a stranger at the park?  The comment made by the mom is inappropriate.

Post # 5
128 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not a parent but I completely agree with this! 

Post # 6
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I generally agree. We went to the pool today and my girls always bring toys and all the other kids want to play with them. I feel kind if bad that their parents dont plan better- but it’s not my job to supply toys for the 15 other kids in the pool! And my girls know how to share- they don’t need to let all the other kids play with the thing they brought to play with.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  eeniebeans.
Post # 7
2602 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I really think that the whole thing is a non-issue. If I’m watching a couple of kids in my home, I’m going to make sure they both have a chance to play with things. If I’m taking a kid to the park, I’m definitely not going to make him share his toy he got from home with some strange kid.

I’m not a parent, but I’ve worked in childcare since I was a teenager. None of the daycares I worked at had some sort of official sharing policy. I don’t think anyone cared.

Post # 8
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t totally agree with her.  In the example where the toy belonged to the community center and she let her kid play with it for an hour and a half (or whatever the time was) and didn’t make him give another kid a turn, well that is teaching your kid to be a selfish brat.  When you go to the bouncy house, you get to bounce for 10 minutes and the next person in line gets a turn.  When you are at the library and are on the computer, there is a time limit, so the next person can have a turn.  Why on earth would you want to teach your child that he can have something that does not belong to him for as long as he wants at the expense of hurting another child?  I don’t think a kid should have to give up a toy the instant another kid wants it, but this woman is going too far in the other direction.  I would not let my kid monopolize something for an hour and a half when other kids are waiting for a turn.  That’s not teaching other kids patience.  That’s teaching your kid to be a me, me, me brat.  You have to strike a balance.  Sharing is good.  Requiring a kid to give something up the minute someone else wants it is not good, but teaching common decency is good.  I’ve had this 30 minutes.  You’ve waited patiently.  Let me look out for your comfort too.  That woman sounds like a witch to me.

Also, if you invite another child into your house, your kid absolutely needs to share his toys.  Or no play date. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  NavyBee.
Post # 10
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Definitely two sides to this. On the one hand, I totally agree that we shouldn’t be raising our kids to feel that they’re entitled to whatever they want. But on the other hand, they need to learn that in some situations, not sharing makes you seem like a dick. Like if you show up to a party and bring 3 beers and a fun size bag of potato chips, you’re a dick. Are you required to share? no. But if you don’t even consider the needs of others, then you suck at being part of society. So I think the real lesson kids need to learn is how to avoid these situations in the first place. If you’ve got something really special to you that you don’t want to share, then don’t bring it around people who are going to want to use it. Keep it in your room at home to play with, or hide that candy bar in your bag and sneak little bites when nobody is looking. You can’t fault others for wanting what you’ve got when you’ve got something that OF COURSE everyone is going to want!

Post # 12
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Before we were married, my future (ath the time) step daughter got an easy bake oven.  She wanted to bring it to my house and make treats in it but not let my kids have a turn making a treat.  You got that.  She wanted to make and eat treats in front of my kids.  I told her she would have to leave it at home if she didn’t want to let my kids take a turn with it. 

Some things just lend themselves to sharing and taking turns.  And it is just as good for kids to learn the skill of sharing as it is for them to learn the skill of patience. 

What the author of that article was missing was how you strike a balance.  If you have an ipad, what’s wrong with letting your cousin take a turn?  The thing is, as kids get older, other kids won’t want to play with them, if they can’t share. 

Post # 14
1499 posts
Bumble bee

I disagree with the article, for many of the reasons PP have already stated. If I grew up with my brothers under that sort of guidence… wow. Video games… if my brother was playing and I wanted to play as well.. he’s supposed to be able to play how ever long he wants to? No way. We had to take turns.

When we were in high school we STILL followed the taking turns rule. If I wanted to play, and so did he, we would take turns, one hour each. We followed this ourselves, didn’t need our parents telling us. It was what was fair. If we got a new game, we’d both want to play, so this was how we did it. 

If we’d been brought up to play until you’re tired… that just would not have worked. We would have each needed our own TV and own consoles in our room. And that’s ridiculous and would make us spoiled brats. 

Sharing is important. Even as adults we share.

Post # 15
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Mrs.Sawyertobe:  +1 to everything.

I’m not a parent, but I’ll weigh in anyways.

Who’s entitled: a toddler who claims a toy as his/hers when it’s not and never lets anyone else use it, or the toddler who demands that another kids give up his toy to use?

Answer: They both are.

I babysat a couple of kids when I was in high school.  They had three scooter, but one had a bell on it, and to a 7-year-old, that’s a big deal.  It’s not exactly fair for the girl who claimed the bike to keep it the whole time, at least in my opinion.

I’ve seen situations where the “kid with toy” becomes a bully or manipulative.  “You can have it… If you give me your cookie.”  Yeah, that’s real sweet.

I agree with the counter-argument.

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