(Closed) Parents who hit, and your own children

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh goodness, so sorry you went through that.  I grew up in a household where spankings were very rare, but even if you got one, you never had any doubt that you were still very loved and in about 2 minutes, you were over it.

I got one spanking, when I was 6, and I bit my cousin.  LOL. 

I have no advice at all, but what your mom did to you was unacceptable – I think this experience will make you a terrific, empathetic mother.  Hugs and best wishes.

EDIT – I should add, I totally understand why you aren’t comfortable leaving your children alone with her.  Hell to the no.

Post # 4
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have NOT been in this position but I would feel the same way that you do and wouldn’t want my kids left alone with somebody who is abusive.

Post # 5
Member
7409 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

That is unacceptable.  I would never leave my child with someone who did that.

Post # 6
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree that that is not an appropriate form of discipline. I dont believe that a quick swat on the behind or a smack on the back of the hand is too bad, but only to be used as a last resort.

We were spanked as children, but only when we really, really deserved it.

Post # 7
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You slap a bitch you don’t slap a child.

Also theres a big difference between abuse and a spanking. My parents spanked my brother as discipline..I only got it once as I usually didn’t do anything bad, but it taught me a lesson!

Post # 8
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow I am so sorry that she did that to you! In my book that is 100% not okay. I hope this thread doesn’t blow up like the spanking one did. I do not disagree with you guys not wanting to leave your children alone with her. A swat on the bottom is very very different then a slap in the face and I would not be okay with that.

Post # 9
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My parents are vietnamese so they are from a culture where physcial abuse is okay.  My parents stopped when I was 12 when my younger brother threatened to call the cops to stop them from hitting us.  It worked. (What sucks, is that my parents resorted to no punishment after that, well verbal abuse continued… so my brother had some run ins with the law. 🙁

My sister has a 10 year and 16 year old now and I don’t believe my parents ever hit them.  I don’t have any feeling that they would physical or verbally abuse our children.

If they had not changed, I would be tempted to keep them from my children. 

Post # 10
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Are you saying that she slapped you all the time or just one time?  I was slapped only once as a child and I really deserved it (not saying you did, but I sure did).  Now, if it was all the time, then yes, keep your children to supervised visits only.  My parents never left us with certain members of our families due to situations that I will not go into, and every day I thank my mother for that.  She risked alot to protect us.

Post # 11
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I remember a couple of things I said as a child where my mother should have slapped me. i totally deserved it for being such a smart ass haha

kidding aside, I think you have every right to set boundaries on who and under what conditions spends time with your child.

Post # 12
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I was hit as a child, and I’ve often wondered the same thing. I don’t know, people tend to be a lot softer on their grandchildren. I think it’s reasonable to go over your own disciplinary methods with anyone who will be alone supervising your children. As you’re explaining your methods, you can mention, “We don’t ever hit [here/this way/with objects/in anger/etc.] so please respect that.” See how they react. Go with your instinct.

@ttn133: Me too. My mom stopped hitting us only when I got old enough to threaten to call the police. She tried to convince me that the cops would never believe me, or that they would take me away and I’d have nothing and then I’d be sorry I ever called… nice, right? But at least she stopped hitting.

Post # 13
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I was slapped once when I called my mom a b*tch so I completely earned that one. I like Jayce’s idea of going over your methods with your mother in law. She can disagree with your parenting methods and respect them at the same time.

Post # 14
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Whether she hit you or not is not really the issue because people have different ideas about child rearing. I do not think the occasional spanking or slapping is child abuse. ( I am assuming this was not an unprovoked or every day for you as a child).  I dont believe it is the best way either.

I think the issue is whether she would respect the way YOU want to raise your child.  If you ask her to not discipline them in that way, then she should respect you.

Has she told you that she would do that to your children? 

Post # 15
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

When I have kids, I will never let my father meet them since he is incredibly abusive, both physically and emotionally.  I will also only allow supervised visits with the in laws, since they approve of spanking and physical disipline.  I will not subject my kids to that kind of abuse. 

Post # 16
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As a child,(but more in my teens)I admit I was a handful,so I got smacked all the time by my stepmother,BUT I would not call it abuse because at least half of the time I deserved it,and the other times, I knew my step-mother had been brought up in a world where this was a perfectly acceptable form of discipline.However I would be very wary of leaving my children with her(when/if we ever have any) because I really do think that she sees it as ok,so I dont think it would stop her.

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