(Closed) Parents who save vs parents who spend: things my wedding has taught me

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Absolutely, but completely the opposite for our families.  I never really appreciated how smart my parents have been with money until recent years, and particularly now.  It sure makes me want to be like them….and have enough to be completely sure about retirement. 

Post # 4
Member
14424 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My parents are amazing savers, and I follow closely in their ways.  They paved the way for success with me paying for my college and car and everything, but Fiance does completely disagrees with doing the same for our furture kids.  He thinks it was extremely important for him to pay his own way and to really learn the meaning of a dollar.  He always says you never truely undertsand until you’re trying to decide between a  meal and paying rent.  I don’t think my parents helping me out made me not appreciate money since they set such a good example and I learned their way and the meaning of a dollar by seeing how they saved/spent it.

Edit: hmm, sorry, guess this wasn’t wedding related revelation, just general opinion

Post # 5
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i had revelations like that since deciding to do a masters and phd….and having to get loans, work multiple part jobs, and constantly be watching every penny i spend. more than anything i want to help my kids pay for school.  and wedding too. but one thing i  have learned about paying for a wedding myself is how i dont need a lot of things.  i would like to help my kids out, but i dont think i could give say 50 000 for a wedding even if i  have the money. i know my wedding is going to beautiful and i am doing it for less than 15 000. and i know people can even do it for less. so if i am able to pay for my kids weddings, i think i would give a max amount and see what they do with it.

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We are the exact same way with our respective parents- mine are spenders, his our savers.  And I can definitely see throughout the wedding planning process how the habits of our parents have influenced our own attitudes about money.

Post # 9
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

We’re pretty different than my parents when it comes to money. We’re planners and savers. We didn’t want to go into debt over our wedding and we planned our savings and spending very carefully. We don’t finance anything but house, car, school. We don’t carry credit card balances. Etc. 

My parents are (as my mom likes to say) “emotional” spenders. Their first question is not “can I afford it?” it is “Do we want/need it?” If they need something they’re pretty much going to buy it regardless and deal with the fallout later. They’ve been in debt and are now mostly out. When it came to wedding stuff they wanted to help and were less concerned about what they could afford than what they wanted us to have. 

It wasn’t really a problem in terms of them funding because they wanted to give us more than we wanted to accept… but it was frustrating because they didn’t understand our philosophy with the wedding (foregoing things we wanted because we didn’t have the budget for them). It seemed cold to them. 

 

Post # 10
Member
7415 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sadly, my mom was not the  best example when it came to saving/spending. She lived pretty much check to check and I can’t recall her amassing any significant amount of savings. I think part of that was cultural and the fact that she was an immigrant. Her culture and family didn’t have much in terms of disposable income. She was a worker. She paid the bills and didn’t have much left over. I wish I could say that broke the chain, I’m far more educated on financial matters than she was, but I’m very emotional when it comes to my finances as well. I’m quick to buy something to make myself feel better, when I know damn well I shouldn’t. I’m getting better though. I refuse to pass on these bad habits to my kids. Thankfully, my Fiance is GREAT with money, he’s defintely not an emtional spender and saves like crazy.

Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@tinylittlebird: I’ve had pretty much the same experience. Except my side of the family makes up the bulk of the weddings, so FI’s parents don’t really feel like it’s their responsibility to pick up my parents slack, which I get.

It does make me wish that my parents had been savers though, because now, I am basically paying for 80% of the wedding myself.

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

My parents have always set a good example when it comes to money. You would never guess how wealthy they are by looking at them or visiting their house. They live well below their means, with the exception of my Mom’s 5 carat diamond ring which she couldn’t resist splurging on. I always knew they were well off, but I didn’t know to what extent until I got engaged.

They’ve always set such a good example that I’ve also been very good with money. I also enjoy living well below my means and saving as much as possible. I like my share of flashy things, but I never go into debt over them and it’s also a pretty rare splurge. One day Darling Husband and I will raise our kids (or dogs) like this too 🙂

Post # 13
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have a lot of divorce in my family, so I have seen many different styles of money management through my mother, father, and step parents.  My mother has no concept of how to manage money, never saved anything, and now lives below poverty level with financial assistance from the family.

My father and step mother have made a lot of money.  But have also spent on many luxuries.  Expensive cars, status furniture, jewelery, etc.  What I’ve seen from them is that they should be in a much better financial place than they are, but they spent a significant portion of their income trying to impress others. 

My FI’s parents have lived within their means all of their lives, paid for their kids college, and are able to travel and retire comfortably.  They’re not flashy or extravant.

All of these different examples have FINALLY come together, and I’ve formed my own financial priorites (I wish I’d done it 10 years ago!!!)  I want to emulate FI’s parents…live within your means, spend on things that are important to you (not to impress others), and use your extra money to do good.  Luckily my Fiance and I are on the exact same page, so it’s working out very nicely now!!

In other words, I want to be all cattle, no hat!

Post # 14
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

My parents have always been savers. They refused to let me take out college loans… even when I was being a brat, and wanted to be free from them and said, “Fine I’ll just take out a loan”. I’m glad they did this. In fact, they have so many savings accounts, IRAs, etc etc, that they have a special fund for my wedding. They made us take a Dave Ramsey class… I just got finished with the “College Planning” Section! His parents are savers (I think). But they also make less money than my parents do. They are always willing to help out (ie. bought his brother a house this year…) But in doing so, they cut into their own retirement plans and savings. My parents freaked when they heard that! Haha 🙂

Post # 15
Member
36 posts
Newbee

@tinylittlebird: I kind of disagree with the correlation you make about your mom’s spending habits and how she was unable to finance college for you.

My parents were savers, but they refused to pay for any of my college.  I still got through loan free by working 30 hours a week during the school year.  My parents didn’t want to finance me because they thought it would build responsibility for my own life and finances.  My dad said it also built character and it would teach me early on to stand on my own two feet.

So yeah, just making the point that savers don’t necessarily fund their kids’ college education or weddings for that matter. =)

Post # 16
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yes, we have found ourselves in a similar situation except in reverse. My dad has always been the type to have at least $20,000 “for a rainy day” or “just in case.” He hates not having those safety nets to fall back on. Because of that I had all of my university education (minus scholarships) paid for and my dad contibuted to a large chuck of the actual wedding. FI’s parents haven’t contributed at all and have been rather closed off and rude about money and the wedding. Different strokes for different folks I guess..

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