- 11 years ago
I am dreading seeing them in person tonight.
My background: I was married for like 3 weeks approx 10 years ago. I was married to a man 10 years older than me who I did not even really like. I got too caught up in wanting a wedding and wanting to move out of my parents house (I was 22) and then my wealthy parents started throwing all kinds of crazy money on throwing a gala Hollywood style wedding inviting everyone they’d ever known.
The night before my first wedding, I actually took sleeping pills and prayed I would not wake up. (my parents do not know that though). I recall being very upset when I did wake up. I tried to back out of it but my parents said no, we’ve spent too much. Blah. 3 weeks in, the guy raised a hand to me when I told him I wouldn’t quit my job and stay home. I left. I told my parents I was having it annulled. They offered to pay for a lawyer and did. But they also told me I was “lying” about him trying to hit me and that I humiliated them.
Eventually, I went back and I kicked him out and took over the condo we lived in. The annullment took longer to process than we were actually married. Then I got rid of the condo and moved in with a roommate elsewhere. The rest is history.
Fast forward 9 years later. I have been on my own, and not close to my folks for all this time. I have some ok relationships, some baaaad relationships but then last year, I meet my soulmate. We become almost inseperable. We’ve talked about every possible issue, we agree on all major points and knew we wanted to get married literally about 6 months in. Exactly 1 year to the date that we met, my fiance proposed in the exact spot where he first saw me in Salem, MA. 🙂
We plan on having a small wedding in about 2 years, paying for it ourselves and doing something offbeat and different that is more “us”. We are not traditional people. I’m, for lack of a better term, rather goth. He is in a metal band and we are both just drawn to the darker aspects of life. We’re also both very emotional and uber romantics. We’re excited,
His family is thrilled. He is 35 and will be the first of his parents kids to be married. His mom is a self proclaimed “goth” also and she LOVES that I want to do some different things. I love my future Mother-In-Law and can’t wait to hang out with her more.
My brother is psyched for me. He was the first person I told.
However my parents… they have managed to suck most of the bliss out of this happy time for me. They are being ridiculously critical. Apparently, they think I’m the same person at 32 that I was at 22. They have apparently never heard of closing doors and putting the past behind you. My mom is also saying that my ring is not a “real” engagment ring because it’s not a $1K+ clear diamond. Their first reaction to our happy news? “I hope you don’t think we’re paying for another one”. WTH!?
I understand their concern but honestly, I got over the first mistake 10 years ago. I also have not asked them for a dime, yet they keep insisting I’m “hinting that I want money”… My mom is refusing to even tell her friends because as far as she is concerned, until my fiance (who I should stress that she adores and thinks is the best thing to ever happen to me) gets me a “real” engagement ring.
She also flew off the handle when I told her we plan to keep the guest list to 75 or under, and that I am not asking my sister in law or cousin (who I never see or talk to) to be the matron of honor. I plan to have a man of honor, because my best friend is a man. My fiance suggested it actually and is totally cool with that.
UGH. Why can’t they just be happy for me??!?!