Post # 1
I recently got engaged to a wonderful guy. However, we have not told my parents yet and it has been 3 weeks.
A little background… My fiance and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, he is 20 and I am 22. Ever since we started dating my parents have been against our relationship because he comes from a working class family (or in their words a “low class” family) and my parents are very well off and do not think he will be good enough for me because of his family background.
We moved in together 9 months ago and my parents said that our decision to move in together was “the worst experience of their entire lives” even worse than the passing of their parents. They blame him for taking me away from them and he is not invited into their home.
We are planning on taking them out to dinner to let them know that we are engaged. I am sure that it will not be taken well. We have waited as long as we have because we got engaged during the holidays and I knew it would not be a gift for them to hear about our engagement and then they left for a two week vacation.
Has anyone else had any similar issues? How did you handle the situation? I don’t want to have to choose my future husband over my family. Their disapproval is like a black cloud over my head. I have even considered not inviting them to our wedding. Do you have any advice for me?
Post # 3
On my end, my Fiance mother loved me..til he moved in with me and she found out I can not have anymore children ( i have 2 from a previous marriage and for health reasons cant have anymore) when he moved in with me she said i took him away from her ( he was living with her after his father died 3 years before we met and had always moved IN other Gfs).
He told her that hes happy and his wishes are that she would be happy for him. Be happy that he found someone to love, the good an the bad. Be happy that there are ANY children whether they are blood or not…. and we even thought about not inviting her. He did stop talking to her for a while because she became over bearing.
He told her that her love for him should be more then any biases she may have. And that if she wanted to be in his life she would support his choices and love him…or he would not be in her life at all.
Eventually she saw that he is indeed HAPPY and even tho we arent rich we are settled and doing well. She has come around and even offered to pay for the photographer for the wedding. It has taken us living together almost 2 years but it worked out.
Good luck and just stay strong, your love can get you thru this and try not to fight with each other as this is the time you need his support as well
Post # 4
this is a tough situation. It is definitely hard to get married/be with someone if your parents don’t approve.
Have you talked to them about their feelings? Sometimes parents can be very traditional and may perceive your actions as being disrespectful to them, even if you don’t mean it in a disrespectful way.
I think this is something that you need to address before the wedding. It seems like you have enough time to try and resolve whatever issues or reservations they may have. I have several close friends who got married despite parental objections….and the relationship have fallen apart due to parental pressure, even though the parents tried very hard to give the “disliked” person a second chance. You don’t want to have to choose between your spouse and your parents 🙁
My cousin and his wife got married less than a yeara go. Her parents strongly opposed their dating and also their marriage. Less than 6 months after the wedding, they gave her an ultimatum: divorce him or they’d disown her. It turns out that most of the arguments the parents had with my cousin was that they felt he had not honored their culture, their values. I know my cousin, and I know he would not intentionally do something disrespectful. Unfortunately, his actions were poorly received and now my cousin and his wife are in a very tough situation.
Please don’t rule out inviting them to the wedding just yet. Sit down with a heart-to-heart with them and not bring any prejudices with you. Ask them to do the same.
I sort of feel a restaurant setting wouldn’t be great. On one hand, they’d be embarassed to throw a fit in a public place, but on the other hand, they may feel like they’ve been put in a very uncomfortable situation where they can’t speak their mind. I’d reconsider the setting for something more private.
Post # 5
I’m going to offer a different perspective: maybe your parents see something in him that you don’t. I have a friend who is engaged and we all hate her fiance. I won’t go into details but he has a criminal record and is constantly doing sketchy things that would set off red flags for any girl. She can’t see this AT ALL. Sometimes it important to sit back and see another persons perspective. I would be even more concerned if you have friends that don’t like him either. Chances are if enough people don’t approve of your relationship, there is a real reason. Just more food for thought.