Partial invites – guest question

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

My wedding was only for 50 guests with only immediate family in the ceremony. Before even sending invites and before the RSVP’s I personally reached out to all that I knew we were inviting and mentioned that we were being super private but wanted to celebrate the day with them if they chose to come. Not a single person turned our invite down. Fact is, they were thrilled not to stand in the very hot sun that day and just enjoy the day. I made sure that the reception was long, enjoyable, beautiful location, lots of dancing, good food, and drinks. Then I followed up with hand written thank you cards for everyone that came, along with pictures and candids from the photographer that he had taken during the reception of them during the night. I live in Western NY, people came from Cali, NYC, etc and made it a weekend event/trip with their loved ones and friends.

Post # 17
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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@ glutton   I would.

I had a private ceremony and a big reception, the only people who didn’t come were distant family members who would have had to travel and couldnt afford it. 

 

Post # 18
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee

Is the ceremony happening the same day?  Or is this a party a couple days/weeks/months later?  I’m ok with the latter, but the former is a bit strange.

I’m fine with these parties, but I am not a fan of holiday weekend weddings.  Mostly because people always choose Sunday to save money and then it cuts completely into my long weekend.  But if I like you enough, I’ll be there and have a great time.  

Post # 19
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

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@ gunnabamissus   “Also; jsut curious but, why would you invite people only to the reception? It doesn’t usually cost much to invite more people to the ceremony but it sure as heck does for the reception!”

Not sure if it’s the same for the OP because I’m not sure what country she’s in, but in the UK a whole day invite means the ceremony, welcome drinks,the (usually sit-down) meal, and the speeches. A reception only invite would mean coming to the evening party, so you’d see the first dance, cake cutting, and then get the second, usually informal meal (bbq, buffet, etc). It’s much much cheaper to invite someone as an evening guest!

As I said, no idea if the OP is British, so the format of the wedding could well be different, but I hope that at least partially answers the question!

Post # 20
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

No. I find that rude as fuck. 

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@ ishihtzunot   Maybe if it was family, but otherwise no.

If it were family wouldn’t you be expecting to be invited to the whole thing? That makes it worse IMO! 

Post # 21
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

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@ kittycatcat   It does! Thanks! I guess in my mind when I think Ceremony and Reception I think of the traditional way it is done here in Canada. The reception there is usually just a site fee, so it does not matter how many people you have, then you do cocktail hour, which will cost you drinks and apps but the real big cost is the per person dinner price, which can skyrocket! One place actaully quoted me $190 per plate! and that didn’t include a bar package!

So basically, by only inviting someone to the Reception portion you arent really savign any money, because there isn’t a real big cost associated with the ceremony, as least from a per person perspective!

Post # 22
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Our ceremony venue only holds 25 people max, so the ceremony will be very small and exclusive. Our reception will be held immediately afterward at a different venue and will include ~50 people, obviously most of whom will not have attended the ceremony. We are requesting no gifts and don’t have a registry, btw. Some of our guests will be traveling about 2 hours. I really think every situation should be judged differently.

Post # 23
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

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@ gunnabamissus   Wow, that price is crazy!

I’ve learned so much on this site about how different the etiquettes and traditions are in different cultures, it’s fascinating! 🙂

Post # 24
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Nope I wouldn’t. Because then I’m not invited to a wedding, I’m just invited to a party. And I’m not traveling for a party. 

Post # 25
Member
4619 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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@ glutton   short answer: no

Post # 26
Member
4619 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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@ mermaidbride79   I agree with the party sentiment. Brother-In-Law is planning a small 30-person do with party the next day so they can have a “fancy” wedding and have a “cheap” party for everyone (like 200). It’s not even a city anyone they know lives in, not even them. I pointed out that it stops being a wedding when you don’t invite people to the actual wedding but they’re adamant that no one cares about the ceremony and only come for the party anyway. I obviously don’t agree but each to their own.

Post # 27
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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@ glutton   Depends on how close I am to the people getting married and how long of a haul it is.

Post # 28
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

I might, depending on if they were eloping/doing immediate family only, etc – purely because the opposite left a bad taste in my mouth, as if I’m good enough to watch your vows and give a gift, but not good enough to join for dinner and dancing afterwards.

Post # 30
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Hard pass

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