Post # 1
So, I’ve been engaged for 3 years and we live together. My partner is an architect and I’m in graduate school. Each Saturday we set aside approximately 2 hours to type out schedules for ourselves and budget our expenses. We always make sure to schedule at least one activity with each other; whether that be hiking, crafting or whatever. We also make an excel spreadsheet weekly which shows exactly how our money is going to be spent (gas, food etc) for the week. So a few weeks ago we set aside approximately $20 and scheduled to go to my sisters and buy some cookies my niece is selling for her school. We go over to her house and buy the cookies and visit and then leave. About 2 hours later my fiancé said that he was feeling ill from the cookies and he thinks they made him sick. He didn’t feel better for the rest of the night and the next morning was irritable. He then goes on to tell me that he is going to request a refund for the cookies because they made him sick. I said you are absolutely not going to do that, get over it (my niece is 9 years old). He was being pissy and then later that week when we were doing budgeting/scheduling he inputted $20 into the excel spreadsheet that he wants me to pay him for the cookies! I told him he was being ridiculous and he said the only activity he’s willing to schedule with me is going to my sisters and getting that refund. I told him absolutely not. The next day, I’m at the library studying and I get a text from my sister saying call me. So I call her and she says my fiancé typed up a bill for the cookies and sent it to her in an email attachment! He also added the $10 he spent on medicine in the total. She was rightfully pisssed and I told her to forget about it, apologized and told her I would handle it. I send him a long text basically calling him an ass and instead of responding he said if I want to discuss it, I need to schedule it on Saturday and that bill still stands. He said if she doesn’t pay it, he’ll take it out of future gifts (birthdays, Christmas etc). Now my fiancé and sister are fighting and I’m just caught right in the middle! I would love any help on how to proceed with this
Post # 2
I’m sorry but your fiancée is being super petty, I can’t even imagine demanding a refund from a 9 yr olds fundraising efforts and then to threaten not buying gift for them anymore??!. I think you really just need to talk about how unacceptable it was to even ask for the refund but especially to go behind your back when you already said no to the refund. With that being said he doesn’t seem very open to actually listening to how you feel or getting why it was innappropite but maybe if you find the right time he’ll be more open. However if you just want it dropped I say pay the $20, but that seems more of a temporary fix because something similar to this is bound to come up again through the years.
Post # 3
Holy hell that is the height of pettiness. I can’t. I would never be able to look at a person the same way again if they tried to demand a refund from a 9 year old!!! Hell even if it was an adult! And he wanted the medication paid for? And then threatened to reduce gifts???
Post # 4
What a dick.
Has he ever lost his mind like this before?
Post # 5
Woah. Just woah. All of it.
Post # 6
If those were commercially boxed cookies, it’s highly unlikely they caused his illness. More than likely he coincidentally came down with a gastro bug.
His behavior is dick-ish to say the least. This is your future, girl.
Post # 7
mathlove10 : Hi there! Like previous posters, I would like to know whether he’s exhibited this type of behavior previously, this is very petty and unacceptable in my opinion. If this is some isolated incident, I feel like it can be talked about and worked through but I’m afraid this is a deeper rooted flaw. I do not think you are making this up but it seriously sounds fake, especially with the added $10 for the medicine.
Im sorry you are going through this, I dated someone who initially I thought was a godsend bc he was so good with money and always had excel spreadsheets for everything and I was not bad with money but definitely wasn’t organized, ultimately it was a sign of someone who was VERY controlling, with money and all other aspects of our relationship, not saying this is him but take a good look at previous behavior bc once I really sat with my ex’s actions it hit me hard and I left after over 3 years together.
Hugs to you and keep up posted
Post # 8
mathlove10 : He is being a jerk.
Are the cookies commercially made or did your niece make them herself? If she made them herself all that needed to be said was they made jerkypartner ill so that your sister knows to keep a closer eye on hygiene with your niece whilst cooking (because kids forget). I mean it happens but it is an accident and not something that deserves your partners reaction. But that is even if it was the cookies. If no one else got ill from the batch then it is more likely something he touched. Maybe a reminder on good hygiene practices is in order for your partner. Did he wash his hands before eating said cookies?
Were the cookies being sold for a fundraiser/charity? Because if they were then he is an even bigger arse for wanting his money back.
Post # 9
Your Fiance is so tacky and trifling for this.
My aunt told me years ago- It’s one thing to marry a broke man- people can make more money. But a cheap man will be stingy no matter how much money he has.
Your SO comes across as small and petty and cheap and stingy. Sending my sister a bill would put him on my list and I’d be thinking really deeply about moving forward with this marriage. That was a red flag and his response to you challenging him about his behavior (going behind your back and sending the bill anyway and adding another charge) was another one.
I cannot even believe how tacky your guy is. YUCK.
tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky tacky.
Post # 10
He’s an ass. I could not ever marry someone who had to schedule every activity and expense and nickel and dime a nine year old.
Think long, think hard.
Post # 12
This is the most absurd thing I have read today, and that’s saying something considering a couple of the threads around here today!
Your fiance’s behaviour is appalling and I’m glad you aren’t rolling over and enabling it. You need to stand firm on this.
I agree with the others here that it is worth taking stock of any similar past behaviours and asking yourself very honestly if this is part of a pattern. If it is, then you have some decisions to make. If it isn’t, then there has got to be more going on below the surface because no rational adult would act like this out of no where.
Whether it was actually the cookies that made him sick or not is really beside the point.
Post # 13
I think people are being pretty harsh on him. If these cookies actually did make him sick then letting your sister know is 100% fine and she should offer a refund. You took your sisters side, and he got offended and is acting out(which I totally agree he’s being petty with the bill and medication lol).
If you guys are really budgeting down to the dollar you spend on cookies, I’d probably just give him the $20 and move on.
Post # 14
Even if you’re on a budget, you budgeted the money to spend on the cookies, if he had a tummy ache and needed some pepto get over it. As pp mentioned it’s fine to tell the sister as a heads up that something might be off with the cookies (especially if they were home made) but he is being super petty by demanding a refund and threatening to take it out of future gifts.
budgeting and planning are smart things to do but this guy sounds way too anal
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
1. It’s highly unlikely that your fiancé got food poisoning from the factory sealed box when no other person from the fundraiser has reported being sick
2. It takes longer than within 2 hours to show symptoms of food poisoning usually 24 to 48 hours. it’s probably a coincidence that he had a stomach bug at the time of eating them.
3. Even if it was, the nine-year-old girl who sold it is not at fault or responsible for that in any way
4. That is some insane controlling and petty behavior for a grown man to take it out on a nine-year-old child doing a fundraiser It makes me wonder if he’s going to be this petty and vindictive with your funds if you have children together in the future