Partner and sister are fighting :(

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 46
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

He sounds like a fruit loop. 

Post # 47
153 posts
Blushing bee

With how cheap and petty he sounds, I’m surprised he didn’t include a fee for the invoice paper and his time taken from his job to write the invoice. Bee, this guy sounds like an ass. 

Post # 48
93 posts
Worker bee

Fiancé of 3 years nickle and dimes my 9 yo niece.

For me, that would be a definite wrap for this relationship. Nobody will start drama with my niece for somwthing they can’t even prove. Not on my watch.

Something tells me that money is a big part of the reason they are not married. He tried to get his “refund” from the niece, the sister, and OP! Dear OP, is this the life you want?

Post # 49
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

sharpshooter :  If he is then he would need to have the social situation explained to him to have any chance of something like this not happening again. But some people on the spectrum are just like this and it might not ever improve. I feel like autism is best case scenario but to me it just seems like a dick move. 

Post # 50
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

So I just re-read this post and this is the crazy shit I missed:

I send him a long text basically calling him an ass and instead of responding he said if I want to discuss it, I need to schedule it on Saturday and that bill still stands. He said if she doesn’t pay it, he’ll take it out of future gifts (birthdays, Christmas etc)

What the ever loving fuck is this?  Punishing a 9 year old over your tummy ache…this is definitely asshole territory…(I call it BA)

I know you’ve known this man for years bee but just from your post this is what I get from his personality:

1. Controlling

2. Manipulative

3. Grudge holder

4. Miser (let’s google why these tend to be lonely people)

5. Uncompromising (a foundation of marriage) 

How to proceed is to reflect on whether this is the type of man you want to spend your life with.  Someone who will antagonize your family over stupid shit, will not budge when you need him to bend, will not react well when life happens and you have to go outside your little perfect spreadsheeted budget.

Post # 51
3271 posts
Sugar bee

Your partner obviously has no clue about how a rational man would handle this. Maybe he’s on the spectrum, or maybe he’s just a tightwad with no comprehension of the way families work. Make no mistake about it, this man is NOT a partner. He’s just a cheap roomate.

And I’m 99% sure that wasn’t food poisoning. Real food poisoning doesn’t allow you to drive out to get medication unless you want your car seats awash in vomit and excrement. The tightwad ate too many cookies and got a tummy ache, poor baby.

Post # 52
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If this is real, I will say that I would leave a person who values $20 over me and my family. Budgeting is great. I do a detailed Excel budget every month, but there is always flexibility built it. People are more important than money. If I were the sister, I would give him the $20 and then pretty much cut him out of our lives — which I’m sure the OP’s Fiance would appreciate because it frees up money in the budget. I hope he and his Excel sheet are happy together.

Post # 53
49 posts
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

sassy411 :  maybe. I just went by what my dr told me when I went in thinking I had food poisoning from a cookout last summer

Post # 54
823 posts
Busy bee

So, OP… have you ever heard of obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) before? Not going to armchair diagnose your fiancé in an online forum, but here are the symptoms:

I’m very sensitive to this disorder because my ex husband had it. He was morally rigid, played fit for tat, and was insanely organized to the point of being counterproductive with his time and energy. 

As I said, could be completely off base, but something to explore a bit further. 

Post # 55
2946 posts
Sugar bee

mathlove10 :  Ummm…

is he normally like this over money? Budgeting is one thing, but if something goes slightly over the budget does he flip?

Or is this a principle thing? Because that is a silly time to get high and mighty with a 9 year old and her mom. 

Did anyone else consume the cookies? You? Your sister? The tens of other people they most likely sold to? Anyone else feel sick? How could he know it was from the cookies? 

I find it hard to believe this is the first time he has acted like this (although you do sound shocked in your post), but surely there have been other signs of being petty/cheap/stubborn in the past? I think example B would be you having to schedule a time to discuss this.

wtf is that about? 


Post # 56
14881 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This has gotta be fake…. there’s just no way someone would do this…. right??!

Post # 57
2946 posts
Sugar bee

mimivac :  Yes thats a good point, he is holding this $20 higher than OP.

She asked him not to and instead of coming back to her and having another discussion, he went ahead and sent an invoice to her family behind her back. 

Post # 58
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

He went against your wishes and insulted your family (which since you’re engaged, your family is also his future family), he then sought to take the $20 bucks from you, and now he’s threatening to deduct it from future gifts for a child, and it takes 2 hours every week to plan and budget time and money?! Every single part of this is insane. Why are you with him? Why would possibly want to tie your life to someone like this? And how could a budget take 2 freaking whole hours every week to maintain?!

If this is real (which we’re all having trouble believing it’s real, because the whole thing is so absurd), the title of your post is wrong. It should be, “My Fiance is a petty ass, and completely disrespected me, my sister, and niece.”

Post # 59
3503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

OP, your fiance is being absolutely awful. I’m glad you’re standing up for your niece, this is absolutely absurd! Do you really want the rest of your life to be like this? Scheduling in “meetings” with your spouse so you can discuss something that is bothering you? Scheduling in a meeting & budgeting $20 to go buy cookies from your niece for her fundraising campaign? This sounds exhausting and more formal than meetings & budgets at my JOB. If my relationship was like this, I would be extremely unhappy. 

rosegoldlover :  Certain kinds of food poisining take different amounts of time to exhibit symptoms. Staph usually shows up within 2-4 hours; my mom got it and was sick before she even finished her meal. However, food poisoning is violent, certainly not similar to a tummy ache. I dont think he had food poisoning either. 

Post # 60
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

mathlove10 :  Literally what the fuck is wrong with your fiance. He is being completely juvenile and inappropriate. If I was your sister, I would be more worried about you being with him than the money. But to request a refund on (I’m assuming) Girl Scout cookies? Literally stealing money from a child? The cookies are gone, he can’t get a refund. He needs to grow up.

ETA Jesus Christ send me your Venmo user name and I will pay for it. I am so sorry you have to go through that

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