- 2 years ago
- Wedding: August 2018
Now I know a lot of you have seen similar posts on here before – but I really am at a loss on what’s the right thing to do.
Firstly I will explain a bit of the background. My OH is an old child, his mother is an only child and his fathers brothers and their families are not close. His parents have always wanted what’s best for him (as any parent should) but they don’t always understand there are other things out with their beliefs and mindset that are also a good thing. My OH has rarely been able to make decisions without their input. I am supportive of parents giving advice etc but not when they control the decision.
My family are, well, very different. I’ve never had my parents together during my life but have a great relationship with both. When I was a small child about 3 my mum met my stepdad. They were together 13 years, and together had my brother. Sadly they split in my teens which did affect my relationship with my mum.
Despite all the ups and downs my family have had, my parents have always given me the freedom to make my own decisions in life and if I make a mistake I learn from it with their guidance – this being the opposite of my OH who’s parents don’t let him make the mistakes in the first place.
I’ve always been able to speak openly with my parents about how I’m feeling and vice versa – even if it does come across as rude or disrespectful – this is how our relationship works.
So back to the point in hand- now I fully accept most of this is my fault but the factors above have interfered a bit too much and left me confused.
I was at a work function recently, was due to go Christmas shopping with my future Mother-In-Law the following day. I unfortunately had far too much to drink and my OH and his father had to pick me up. It didn’t and there… I was so obliterately drunk that I can’t remember the rest but what I have been told is that I said everything I’ve ever thought about my future Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law at full speed aggression. I lashed out at my OH and his father, so much so I tried to run away from them when they tried to grab me to calm me… and I told my OH to take the ring back. Now, certainly didn’t mean this – but alcohol does not mix well with me and my emotions.
The obvious thing is to stop drinking – which I have made the conscious effort over the festive period to do.
My OH suggested I go stay in my mum’s house for a few days after the incident to calm down and for us both to think. When we met 3 days later.. this is the proposition he gave me: “you disrespected me and my parents and I can’t marry you in 8 months time knowing we still need to repair the damage caused. I don’t want to loose you either, so here are the options; 1. We go our separate ways which neither of us want or we cancel the wedding and work on repairing our relationship.” Not that I would admit this to him, but I definitely believe his parent had their fair share of input on this.
So I chose the later, I’ve had to have many difficult conversations with my family, friends and the vendors. I’ve had days thinking I can’t do this anymore, and days when I think I love him so much I can’t imagine my life without him.
What I really want to know is, am I doing the right thing for our relationship but losing myself in the process or am I a fool?
**also a side note, earlier this year I fell pregnant, I was mixed feelings however had an abortion as my OH flat out said he wasn’t ready. So yet another sacrifice I’ve made for him.